To ask if parenting really was easier in the past?

[germanbight]

My beloved grandma, who lived on a small farm and really ran it alone, always used to tut at toddlers/small children who were being naughty out and about and always told me that when she had her children it was all much simpler— especially in the baby phase.

Apparently routine kept all 4 children perfect from baby-hood. Baby fed every three hours until it slept through, all children off for an afternoon nap after dinner and bedtime a prompt 7:30 until they were 10. She always used to say that now parents adapt to fit the baby in their lives, but when she was having children they had to adapt to her life.

I just don’t see how it could’ve run on clockwork like that. Was it really that much easier? Just a case of endless CIO?

Mine went to nursery in the 70s then my mother retired and she had them. I had no choice, we couldn't live on one wage.

Depends what you mean by attention though. I’m in a ‘nice’ area and parenting style is very hands on. So children driven everywhere, adult with them, lots of organised activities.

Example would be they don’t develop road sense - I was out with a group of 11/12 yr olds recently and it was really noticeable.

Children need attention but they also need space to develop and practice age appropriate life skills.

Thank fuck for devices tbh. I'd argue more active parenting has to happen now as there is no "out all day" option.

But surely devices, social media etc., etc. are the cause of so many problems that families experience today.
There 'll never be agreement about when 'parenting' was easier or harder, everypne has their own perspective, memories and opinions. I think we can assume that the vast majority of parents are doing/used to do what they think is right for that time. Today's parents need to remember that they'll be the ones being criticised in the future!

We struggled to so I did bar work two or three evenings a week. I think the availability of childcare depended very much on where you lived. We lived in the sort of area where the only mums of children under school age who worked had nannies.

I notice this and I think this is why you get younger parents now saying things like well a child does not develop road sense/ability to do some task/etc until they are at least ?
It is because that is the case now for a lot of children because they are not learning those skills. Whereas those of us from other countries or who are much older know children can develop those skills much earlier, but it doesn't just happen by magic.

We would wander miles away, in our heads, in reality we were probably not 500 yards from home!

Don't get upset by it, think of it as written by a smug idiot who thinks she's God's gift to being a parent and she most certainly isn't.

Look at that post about a stepmum who has a very young baby asking if she is unreasonable not to get out of bed in the morning to make her 14 year old stepson breakfast. Those saying she is BU will have a tougher time parenting than people did in the past. My grandparents were out in full time work at 14 years old.

My experience of having children in the 80's was the same as yours but I went back to work full time when both mine were 6 months. I was lucky that the only childminder in the village was a friend who lived at the end of our street. I became a single parent weeks after my 2nd was born so money was very, very tight until they were both in full time education. No financial help with childcare in those days.

Yes I was thinking of that thread. Lots of posters implying she’s being neglectful not making a 14 yr old his breakfast. Whereas I’m in the camp they should have been taught life skills to make own breakfast at that age.
Different styles of parenting. It’s still parental attention but in a different way.

I paid £50 per week per child for my childminder in the 80's. I had 2 children, was a single parent and earned £9,500 per year. I got child benefit and £20 per week child support . I lived in a tiny 2 up 2 down and the rent was £160 per month.
Money was tight but my children didn't go without.
My children are now in their 30's and say they had a wonderful childhood

I paid £35 per child per week. I think I got a reduction for second child but it worked out at £70 for the two anyway. I supplied nappies and food (no snacks as they weren't a thing then) My two say they had a good childhood too despite money being tight and we remain close to this day.

1950s born, with a younger sibling. Grew up in on the beach, and roamed fairly wild after the age of six. Every adult kept an eye on children, and they all felt free to tell you off for misbehaving. We knew we were loved, but we weren't indulged except occasionally by GPs who lived a long way away and whom we only saw in school holidays.

Most of that generation turned out self-reliant and competent by the time we went to work, university, into teacher training or nursing at 17/18. Certainly we were expected to be able to fend for ourselves more or less independently at 18 or 20. Which is not my DC's experience of new university students now.

@ancientgran

my gran told me of her father coming back from the trenches in 1916 to find his baby, who was born while he was away fighting, had died before he got home. My gran said it was when she saw her dad cry at the table

we all know that a Childs death was just as hard then as it is now, less expected now but still as hard to deal with

That is so sad, the poor man and his poor wife. Just imagine she was worried about her husband, she had at least one other child to care for and lost her baby. Heartbreaking doesn't even begin to describe it does it.

I honestly think things were better for children. They had to use their imagination and ingenuity to make their entertainment. They grew up (well most of them) learning how to manage risk, sort out problems and allowed to do more stuff. I remember as a child about 8 or 9 going to do 'campfires with a couple of friends in the counryside where e we would build a fire and fry bacon and sausages and egg. At 12 we were off 'wild camping' . Goff on a day lone bike ride-no adults Contrast that to nowadays where parents werent allowed to hold a y6 leavers barbeque because it was 'too dangerous'.
Kids left prinary school wth a good basic education because they didn't learn about so much bollocks in the primay curriculum today. Kids know they were te kids, and knew adults they were in charge

It used to be easier because standards were different and essential things were more affordable.

For example:

• housing was more affordable and people could realistically buy in their early 20s with one income and pay it off in their 40s
• buying and running a car was cheaper than even public transport is today, in relative terms
• families were more likely to have a stay at home mother so weren't juggling working as well
• physical punishment was accepted as normal - even in the 50s a sound thrashing was perfectly acceptable (see the final scene in Cosh Boy (aka The Slasher in the US) where SPOILER ALERT the little thug gets his comeuppance because the police who've come to arrest him for attempted murder "pop out" for a few minutes so that his stepdad can give him a sound beating, the reasoning being that if his stepdad beats seven bells out of him the court will be more lenient with the sentence because they know his parents won't take any shit from him anymore)
• there wouldn't be any intervention from the authorities for low- to mid-level abuse or neglect, so if parents didn't give a shit they probably wouldn't get into trouble over it
• going back further, it was accepted that some kids would die young anyway, that's why they had large families, so it was less bothersome if your child got ill because that was just the way of the world
• going back even further you could send your child into pseudo-slavery in the form of service to a family or being sent to serve a term of a few years as an apprentice, so there was money to be made out of your child.

I think it was much easier. Most mothers were at home until kids we're older. You wore clothes for longer so even without automatic washing machines you had a lot less washing. Everyone ate what was put in front of them so less cooking and washing up. Kids played out so you had plenty of time for housework, relaxing and seeing friends. And kids were in bed much earlier - I really do think routine helps with this. Kids went to school on their own and they had few other activities and little homework and schools made virtually no demands on parents in terms of uniform lunches special days etc etc. I think kids helped a lot more as well - I didn't wash up after my kids were 7 or 8 - ever. And they were expected to help with cleaning and laundry. Was it an idyllic utopia- no but was it easier and more relaxed for most people - yes.

going back even further you could send your child into pseudo-slavery in the form of service to a family or being sent to serve a term of a few years as an apprentice, so there was money to be made out of your child.

You do know what apprentices and servants were paid in the period you’re referring to? There was no money to be made. Some apprenticeships actually cost money as a premium had to be paid upfront.

I think everyone is imagining different time periods and specific set ups and pontificating as if they are some kind of widespread reality. We have thoughts wandering from somewhere around the late 18th century right up to the 1990's.

Most of it is utter nonsense

Many families of years gone by had a lot more extended family help. We spent many days and nights at my GP when I was young. When my DC came along my DM could easily go a month without seeing us. She was working at first and then when retired had the disposable income to lead a full life including lots of shopping and many foreign holidays.
My DC may have had more material things and wider experiences than I did as a child, but DH and I as parents had far far less hands on help that we didn't have to pay a small fortune for over the years.

People's ideas of the past are funny. I worked in the 70s as we couldn't afford a mortgage on an old two up two down on one wage. Children didn't all eat what was put in front of them, my sister would have died as she would starve rather than eat most things. Kids didn't all go to bed earlier, parents loved their children and grieved if they died. I went to a Catholic primary school in the inner city, they certainly did enforce the uniform, I remember a boy who insisted on wearing long trousers as he didn't like shorts, one day he was stood on a desk and his trousers were turned into shorts. My kids did lots of activities in the 70s and they weren't all by themselves, there were even waiting lists for things like brownies/cubs and swimming lessons. My parents never had a car, we got our first car in the 80s, definitely couldn't afford one in the 70s.

I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry.

Amen to that.

I guess we can only talk about our own experiences, as we don't know everyone else's but, yes, my parents did use hitting and shouting more than explaining and modelling good behaviour. Also we had things thrown at us (chalk, books) at my primary school, the slipper and cane were used, people were led round by their ears and we were screamed at in senior school by some of the teachers.

As I say I was regularly told off by adults for things that wouldn't even be noticed now, as I was a pretty good child anyway.

housing was more affordable and people could realistically buy in their early 20s with one income and pay it off in their 40s

1920s. At the end of the first world war, Britain was a nation in which almost 80% of people rented their homes, almost all from private landlords.

buying and running a car was cheaper than even public transport is today, in relative terms
In 1923 there were 383,525 cars on the roads of Great Britain

going back further, it was accepted that some kids would die young anyway, that's why they had large families, so it was less bothersome if your child got ill because that was just the way of the world

It wasn't accepted that children died, it was as painful then as it is now