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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you know a decent police officer?

288 replies

Whatistheanswer2023 · 17/01/2023 13:01

AIBU to ask?

My personal experience someone who I went to Uni with who joined the Met. Thank god he got found out.

He bullied me at Uni, picked on me. Attacked me once. I was horrified when he joined the Met. He got kicked out for throwing someone down some stairs and then kicking them.

He moved abroad and now works in the US. Still in enforcement. Honestly a totally evil person. He made one year of my Uni life a misery.

he was racist and a misogynist. Total God Complex too.

Why are people like this allowed into the force then tolerated?

OP posts:
Norov · 17/01/2023 13:42

I know one good one - a woman. She dated 2 met officers, the first cheated on her A LOT and the second beat her up.

a friend’s husband who is completely controlling and won’t allow her her own bank account (“he just wants us to be financially secure and he’s so good with money”) - he gets her to sell her Christmas presents on eBay if her mam gives her something nice, like a merino jersey.
He’s in the Met actually.

And another who was prosecuted for brawling in a pub. Married to another police officer.

so basically. Yuck.

FirstHusband · 17/01/2023 13:43

Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Robert Mark described his ambition as to "arrest more criminals than we employ".

BodyShapeWoes · 17/01/2023 13:43

The 3 in my family I’d say were ok but they don’t speak very highly of the force they work on/for they have all retired now

The ones who I’ve dealt with have been utter cunts for lack of a better word…

Greentime101 · 17/01/2023 13:45

Yes there are loads of great officers in the Met doing work most of us are completely unaware and unwilling to do. Interestingly the ones I know joined at a time where the recruitment process was incredibly tough - I thought it was ridiculous.

In attempt to boost recruitment I believe that process has been changed and the requirements lowered - perhaps the old way wasn’t so ridiculous after all

TigerQueen89 · 17/01/2023 13:46

@Norov your poor friend. That eBay story makes my blood run cold. What a monster. Not to have anything nice given to you by the people you love. SMH.

listsandbudgets · 17/01/2023 13:47

I've had various interactions with police in various guises- professional, victim, witness and been close to someone being investigated. Most of them have proven professional and pleasant but certainly I've come across some I wouldn't trust to tell me the time let alone investigate a crime.

SauteBaconHollow · 17/01/2023 13:47

A) I work closely with the police in my career - I'm not in the police force but meet them daily in my sorting life. Mostly decent folk I'd say - this is in 20 years in my "field"

B) 3 family close members are police officers snd are utterly decent human beings

C) I have 2 friends who work/ed in the police force - known them for nany years, holidayed with them, we've babysat each others children etc - lovely, decent folk.

Underroad · 17/01/2023 13:50

I worked for the police for a while in an admin role. The officers were, without exception, absolute arseholes. Narcissistic, often treated their partners badly, power hungry, arrogant. Didn’t matter if they were male or female, it was like a personality type. Every officer I’ve met since has been the same apart from our local PSCO who comes across as genuine and absolutely lovely.

tenbob · 17/01/2023 13:51

My brother joined for all the ‘right’ reasons - wanting to help vulnerable people, wanting to make the world a better/safer place and I have no reason to doubt he was good at his job
But he was totally disillusioned with the job and a lot of his colleagues so left. He now works in a totally unrelated field, makes loads more money, doesnt have to work shifts and doesn’t get spat at.

I know 2 other female detectives. One works in DV, is an incredibly compassionate and kind person, and is exactly the sort of person I would want to deal with if I was ever a victim of DV.

The other is an awful power tripping nightmare who cycled through a few other jobs before joining the police, and was quite disliked in all of them. She is a classic know it all, and her Facebook posts alone should mean she gets sacked, so god knows what her conduct is like at work.

WorryMcGee · 17/01/2023 13:52

I’m a decent person and I used to be one. I quit a few years ago though as I was fed up of the misogyny and the suffocatingly impossible workload that meant I wasn’t able to provide victims with a decent service. My husband is still in and he is the kindest, most caring man I have ever met. Female domestic violence victims that he has looked after have even written letters thanking him for the compassion he showed them - he is fantastic at his job.

Both of us know some complete and utter bellends. There needs to be a better internal reporting system and I think it will take someone external - NOT another force or someone politically appointed, I mean an external private consultant - to
sort it out.

YouJustDoYou · 17/01/2023 13:54

I know four officers - 3 family friends, one personal. 3 are decent, good people - all three happen to be women (of the old-fashioned female kind). The one who is a total power-hungry tool in the male family friend. NOT my friend, I should say.

Poppiesway1 · 17/01/2023 13:54

Norov · 17/01/2023 13:42

I know one good one - a woman. She dated 2 met officers, the first cheated on her A LOT and the second beat her up.

a friend’s husband who is completely controlling and won’t allow her her own bank account (“he just wants us to be financially secure and he’s so good with money”) - he gets her to sell her Christmas presents on eBay if her mam gives her something nice, like a merino jersey.
He’s in the Met actually.

And another who was prosecuted for brawling in a pub. Married to another police officer.

so basically. Yuck.

I was just thinking the only good ones I know/knew are all female. 3 of them. And the things they’ve had to put up with from fellow male officers is not nice. I dated a policeman once.. told me he was divorced.. sadly his wife didn’t know that… just ergh.

Brefugee · 17/01/2023 13:54

The majority of them are “decent”. The reason you hear about this kind of thing in the news is because they’re rare.

not that rare. And obviously there are plenty turning a blind eye, covering up and know for sure that some of their colleagues are perpetrators of DV.

Rare would seriously be one coming up in the news every other year or so. But for every one, say Wayne Couzens, you have all his mates in the Whats App groups, the people who knew of his nickname etc etc. You don't have to be a rapist to be a bad 'un. You just have to be silent.

RunningFromInsanity · 17/01/2023 13:54

My good friend is a (non uniformed) officer and she is lovely.
However she has experienced horrific bullying and sexism from colleagues and it’s sadly changing her enthusiasm and love for the job.

I have always grown up to respect the Police and see them as the ‘good guys’ but I have to admit that it is becoming harder and harder to do so now, and I feel sorry for the decent officers still out there.

Shodan · 17/01/2023 13:54

Yes, I know several ,and I am also the daughter of one, and the partner of one.

They despise the rotten officers as much as anyone else does.

sizeofahippo · 17/01/2023 13:54

I know 4 people in the police force. All genuinely lovely decent people.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 17/01/2023 13:56

Thank God we have the police when we mess up in life. Thank God for those who attend car crashes and see people maimed and dying.. those who attend suicides and murders and thank God for those serving officers who are genuinely decent and want to make a change and help people.
As for the rest of them.. the drug dealers and the pimps and the woman haters.. they can all be found serving the public every day.
They say we get the police we deserve but no not always

Andrelaxzzz · 17/01/2023 13:57

I know four:

  1. Is an racist, sexist dick.
  2. One is fantastic, kick arse detective woman. Community minded runs a kickboxing charity too.
  3. One is a family man, funny, hard working etc
  4. One is a bit of a gammon in training, daily mail racist/sexist.
MissingMoominMamma · 17/01/2023 13:57

My friend is a decent police officer. She’s also a functioning alcoholic. I suspect the two are connected.

DNBU · 17/01/2023 13:58

Know someone decent who’s in the police.

Know someone else who’s a misogynist, violent and a coke head.

LlynTegid · 17/01/2023 13:58

I did know one about 30 years ago, will not name him as he was involved in finally solving a high profile murder case.

I think part of the issue comes back to the cyclical nature of police recruitment, so about every 20 years there is a recruitment crisis, and more bad apples get through.

Hbh17 · 17/01/2023 13:58

What a ridiculous question! A friend of mine was a police officer for over 30 years (& still a civilian worker for police) and he is a decent, honest man.

HazelBite · 17/01/2023 14:06

DS2 has worked as a "Special" in the Met for over 10 years, and says like in any job/walk of life there are some good and some bad. He also says that the police have an awful lot to put up with from the public !

WalkingThroughTreacle · 17/01/2023 14:08

I've known a few police officers, past or present serving. One was a nasty, bullying shit but the rest are all decent people who I would trust. Hard to say though because we don't see how they behave at work and abusers/bullies are often very good at hiding their dark side. Group think can also cause people to do things that would otherwise be out of character for them.

The real problem here is not the individual bad apples but the organisation. The police have tremendous power and responsibility. That needs appropriate oversight and governance which is clearly lacking. I also wonder how many other police forces across the UK are in a similar shit state. It's the Met that is in the headlines most of the time but what about all the other forces?

The general public deserve better. The majority of decent police officers deserve better. This calls for something far more substantive than yet another press conference by the Met Commissioner expressing regret and promising to make changes.

JustHereWithMyPopcorn · 17/01/2023 14:09

Yes I do, he's a kind and funny man who I have known for years.