Settle a household debate - having a drink and being in charge of kids

[DuffLite]

How much would you say is fine to drink if you were “in charge” of your kids on say a Saturday night. All already fed and nobody needing to go out so no requirement to cook etc - everyone just chilling out for the evening, doing their own thing

Interesting that not drinking is synonymous with having your life ruined 🙄

How many cans are acceptable to you?

SIX cans of cider was the limit and you think that’s too little? Jesus your house sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. It goes beyond inappropriate to have two adults both having in excess of 6 cans of cider in charge of young children, it’s very alarming.

I wouldn't get drunk being the only one in charge of the kids. I'd have a couple of glasses of wine but that's it. I don't feel that we need to be able to drive though. On a weekend my DH and I will have a few glasses and wouldn't dream of driving after that. Our kids are older though, 8 and 13. People have different opinions OP, and some people don't see being able to get drunk as a huge priority. It's not pearl-clutching, it's just a difference of opinion.

I'll be honest, with kids so young I think it's a bit irresponsible to be drunk if you're in sole charge. If your partner is there and is sober then crack on.

I will drink until I feel like I have had enough (I don't like to feel drunk) which is a little over half a bottle of wine.

We have an emergency department 20 minutes walk away if it came to it, or if that wasn't an option there's Uber.

As much as you like as long as you’re not being abusive, emotional etc and as long as you get everyone to bed in a good way etc

And who is the judge of this? You?

Well we went out at the weekend for a tasting menu with paired wine, 10 courses... (Very small glasses with each course, but added up!) Was a little drunk by the end, DH was not at his best the next morning. We had a babysitter, but she went home when we got back.
Was a bit of a pain to get up and get to swimming the next morning (walking not driving before anyone moans), but the fact that we'd been out and drank didn't really bother me? It was more the late night and lack of sleep. Probably wouldn't have quite that much on a normal night though 😂

"As much as you like, as long as you're not abusive" – loooool fair play OP, fair play....

I always breastfed so wouldn't have had more than a small glass of wine or one drink after last feed with a one year old. Toddlers I can't remember but would have had a few drinks. I don't go by the needing to drive rule either as I'd never be able to have more than a few. I have a half cider max if I'm out of an evening and driving.

We do live around 10 minutes drive from local hospital with A&E though so may be more relaxed overall. I have been drunk in the house with children under 9.

Well I mainly my dad drink all the time and being drunk I would never want my own ds main memories to be of a parent being pissed, my dh drinks 2 to 3 drinks max if and me 1 to 2

100%

You jumped the shark OP, sorry.

People are entitled to their opinion on alcohol and alcohol whilst children are around (although the pearl-clutching “oh won’t somebody please think of the children!” tone to a lot of the posts is cringe)

But I find the obsession with needing A&E from some posters crackers. Do you spend your life always on alert that a disaster could happen and you may need to be prepared for it? What a way to live!

I know a child that repeatedly asks their mother to stop drinking and complains about it to other adults. My own dad used to do class a drugs while I was in the next room but he was abusive to my mother and threatened her with violence so she had to send us unknowningly that he would be doig. That while we are there. Differences but still the same cause it’s still an altering behaviour coming from someone your supposed to
trust the most and it still bothers me to this day that he did that and he’s now dead because of it. You are damaging them
snd will damage their memories and view of you.

it does bother children your just in denial and naive.

I think that in an emergency with very small children, if the police came round to find two parents who were both excessively drunk having drunk 10+ units each they’d be making social services referrals. How would you even be able to safely look after a one year old (or hear them cry) if you have had that much alcohol!

That parenting bar tho.

What do you mean? You’re either emotional or you’re not, you’re abusive or you’re not, you’re capable of getting the kids to bed or you’re not. It’s not really subjective

It can be upsetting seeing a parent not in control of themselves - can make a child feel on edge, I speak from experience there OP. There is no need for it around your kids. Why can't you get a babysitter if you want to drink yourself into a state?

Also, do your kids not wake up during the night? the 1 and 2 year old? If not, lucky you!

@DuffLite You know the sorts of people who attack others to justify their own drinking, OP? They're usually pissheads.

What do you mean? You’re either emotional or you’re not, you’re abusive or you’re not, you’re capable of getting the kids to bed or you’re not. It’s not really subjective

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Do they come in a can?

Normal amount for me Saturday night, so an aperitif and half a bottle of wine. Similar to pre-kids.

I wouldn't drive either after one glass of wine.

@DuffLite

”Some parents get drunk with their children at home but it's not great you don't get to enjoy your drink as you will feel guilty the next day. Life changes so much after children, the old you is forever gone. The sooner you accept this and embrace motherhood the better it is for everyone.”

why on earth would you feel guilty the next day?!

and speak for yourself! I know loads of women who are still themselves after becoming a mum.

How miserable to think you can’t have a life any more just cos you have kids! nah!

Yea this wouldn’t feel sustainable to me. Thankfully I live near a hospital (very, very close) and in a true emergency I wouldn’t hesitate to knock a neighbours door for a lift. It would be as quick to walk as to call a cab.
Op, it’s down to your own personal outlook on life, and your relationship with alcohol, really. I have friends who claim to “never” get drunk if dc are at home, however, they drink every weekend and seemingly need a minimum of 2 glasses of wine to relax every Thursday/Friday/Saturday/Sunday. Imo that’s not a healthy relationship with alcohol.
Dh and I don’t drink often- we could go weeks or months without even thinking about buying a bottle of wine. Getting drunk, realistically about 5 times a year. But I’m not adverse to the odd night of having a good drink at home with my dh. We don’t get out much, we spend the vast majority of the week either working or caring for dc, running dc to sports, activities, going on days out etc. We are people too, and are allowed a bit of downtime. Truthfully, I could be very tipsy, and he will handle his alcohol better than me.

How much cider have you had tonight OP? Just curious...

And yes, abuse is often subjective. You might not think you're being a twat, but others may do.

That’s it OP you deflect and make the parents who have completely normal concerns for their young children the issue. You know it’s unacceptable which is why you’re so worked up, how often are you drinking this amount around your children?