Settle a household debate - having a drink and being in charge of kids

[DuffLite]

How much would you say is fine to drink if you were “in charge” of your kids on say a Saturday night. All already fed and nobody needing to go out so no requirement to cook etc - everyone just chilling out for the evening, doing their own thing

I really don’t understand the driving in an emergency thing? Surely in an actual emergency you would be able to call ambulance, neighbours, Uber etc? Seems like a strange way to live!

When you have really little ones - like under 5s - I think you can only really have a glass unless there’s another adult in the house who is sober.

Obviously once they’re older like teens or even tweens you can have a bit more even if you’re on you own with them.

Provided you live or are somewhere where you could definitely get a taxi to the hospital in an emergency of course! If you’re in the middle of nowhere I guess there always should be someone who is capable of driving.

That’s why I said a taxi

There's no taxis here.

An ambulance would take ages.

Could go to a neighbour but preferred to get them to stay with the other kids

Plus you need to be sober to explain pre-existing conditions to docs at A&E

That's so sad, I'm sorry @HelpIcantfindaname 😞

This

If it’s truly a household debate then someone has told you that you drink too much when you’re looking after your kids. And from your posts, they’re probably right. But you’re not going to change, and anyone who disagrees with you is a boring, anxious pearl clutcher.

When my kids were as young as yours then neither DH or I drank a lot at home. A glass of wine after they were in bed maybe. And we very rarely drank significantly when they were awake and with us. It’s very confusing and a bit scary for little kids to see their parents drunk, even if they’re happy drunks.

Now they’re teens we do drink at home but I wouldn’t say we were often ‘pretty pissed’ in front of them. It just doesn’t feel responsible. I have a good tolerance for alcohol so I’m not raging drunk even after several glasses of wine.

I hope you are ready for your kids to start drinking at a very young age, because you’ve normalised being drunk.

If someone reports you and the police turn up and find you drunk on six cans of cider they'll take you to the police station charge you with child neglect (forget about ever getting a job with kids/ vulnerable people) and take your DCs to their fathers/grandparents/foster care.

You won't get them back until you massively change your attitude to alcohol.

I used to love a drink but with a 1 year old I'm personally with the couple of drinks crowd and I'm definitely not a slob. Maybe I'd drink enough to be over the limit and would need to get a taxi in an emergency but I wouldn't drink so much that I'd sleep through my baby crying.

Basically I wouldn't get drunk, a warm buzz would be fine. Having said that if the other parent is relatively sober you can let your hair down a bit more. As long as one parent is sober enough to parent competently in an emergency (and deal with the early morning) the other can get happily sloshed.

I don't count but I will usually drink about half a bottle of wine on a Fri or sat, maybe up to 4 glasses max, my husband would probably also have up to 4 beers, usually just a couple though. We certainly dont stay under the limit, that's a bit weird and suggests you have some sort of anxiety disorder. Our children are 6, 5 and 1. We aren't at all merry drinking that much, it's during the course of the evening, usually starting with a drink with our evening meal.

Do people drive to a+e often given how no one seems to drink for all these a+e trips at 9pm on a Sat night?

I might be misinterpreting, but this response suggests you're not actually bothered how the kids get put to bed as long as they end up in bed.

When you're on the piss, does your one year old still get milk, washed and teeth brushed, bedtime stories, cuddles, lullabies, tucking in etc? Do you know, for certain, that they're not scared or unsettled by being put to bed by someone who's drunk/tipsy, or who smells different etc?

I'm no pearl clutcher and I have definitely had wine in front of my kids, but there's no chance I'd be leaving a one year old to "do their own thing" while I got "pretty pissed."

I don’t think I really drank until DD was about 3. Then maybe up to half a bottle of wine when I did drink?

Now all my kids are teenagers I can drink a bottle and often need to

Having said that, DD17 was quite poorly the other week and I was concerned I might have to make a trip to A&E by taxi because i had had about 3/4 bottle of Prosecco! It did make me question whether drinking was a good idea at all with DC in the house but I suppose you can’t live with no treats forever on the off chance.

I suppose we have just been lucky with timing as any emergencies over the years have always cropped up when neither of us have had alcohol and could safely drive…

@Namechangethisonetime oh I know and I agree with that totally it was only a comparison cause they both do change a person obviously one more than the other and things and this poster is going on as if she drinks all the time and loves it and her life is over due to having children so being unable to drink?

Im not a drinker, but even if I was there would be no way me or her dad would let our daughter see us drunk or even tipsy. I’d like to build total trust, safety and do it respectfully im all for the people that have a glass or two of an evening when a child has gone to bed but to full on get steaming nope.

I’ve arranged myself a babysitter for 2 weeks time too be able to go do what we want and I know it isn’t an option for everyone but drinking and how much you drink is down to you and your child should come first.

I agree with a lot of what people are saying on here, drinking isn't always fun and games for the Children in that household, if that's your experience growing up that's probably best case scenario.

I grew up in a house where my mum (eventually) drank every night, she was okay up to a point, but then she would start to act 'off' and then for no reason at all and would start to get moody and try and pick fights over nothing, I learned to stay out the way in the evenings, even if she seemed in a good mood, I was always on edge as I knew how it could go, it's like she wasn't even my mum anymore.

The worst part for me was the next morning when she'd be back to being my lovely mum, I found it really hard to screenwipe and be perfectly fine after the way she'd made me feel the night before, so then I'd feel terribly guilty.. it was a vicious circle. So to me, behaviour/capability while drunk is VERY subjective.

Ultimately, if your partner is questioning the amount your drinking and trying to open a discussion, then there may be something they're seeing that you aren't? And that may mean the kids could see it and be affected by it too, If it was me I'd respect my partner and family unit too much to just gloss over that.

@takealettermsjones

op is talking once a week max and she’s not talking about getting paralytic either

do babies NEED washing in a bath, stories and lullabies every single night? No. If they’re getting that stuff most other nights of the week then a swifter bedtime routine on a Saturday night will not harm them.

So no friends over for drinks then?

2 drinks for me. But I find the idea of getting drunk when you're just sat in your house a bit odd anyway.

It's not misogynistic to say there needs to be somebody there who is sober enough to drive, it only is if you believe that person has to be a woman. But I do think having a 'designated driver' or sober person is a good idea for any drinking situation involving kids. Pretty much regardless of age, but certainly younger kids or any with SEND

It's not actually about driving though, because of course plenty of people don't have a car, but about being sober enough to handle any emergencies

I don't mind having a drink, merry but relatively able-bodied.
Dp hates drunks (Getting drunk in front of children) so he refrains from drinking any more than a few beers or a couple of wines.

Exactly, and with a 1 and 2 year old, "emergency" might not necessarily mean "we need to get to A&E", it's more likely to be the sort of every-half-hour stuff that happens just before the A&E visit, like "crap, how did you get that knife out of the kitchen drawer??" or "don't climb up the bookcase!!" "Or "don't wrap a skipping rope around your little sister's neck! She's being a dog is she? Well it's still dangerous," "no, you can't make me a cup of tea," etc. etc.

Does not having 6 cans of cider on a Saturday night ruin and end your life?

They're your kids, it's for you and your partner to decide as parents what you are comfortable with. Although sounds like you can't agree.

Interesting thread. I grew up in a teetotal household and my DH with functional alcoholics so I find it difficult to work out what the middle ground is.

We don't have a car so driving to A and E isn't a consideration. We will have a couple of drinks - DH sometimes 3 - but don't generally drink until the kids are asleep. I wouldn't drink at all if they were unwell.

This isn't a huge hardship, especially with early risers, I don't really want to drink any more than that

I've had many years of child rearing, sometimes, I've had a drink!, not once have any of my children come to any harm during these times, so I'm guessing the chances of it happening are pretty low or am j just incredibly lucky?

Same here.
Surely you assess your own circumstances anyway? I live somewhere where I could easily get a taxi or a neighbour to drive me somewhere if needed. If i didn't then I may look at things differently.