Settle a household debate - having a drink and being in charge of kids

[DuffLite]

How much would you say is fine to drink if you were “in charge” of your kids on say a Saturday night. All already fed and nobody needing to go out so no requirement to cook etc - everyone just chilling out for the evening, doing their own thing

You feel the need to get pissed drunk even though you are in charge of young children. You have a drink problem.

When my son was 11 he was spending the night with his DF at his DPs house. Her DS got in trouble & police took him home. Can't remember what happened to him, but police brought my DS home, saying the adults were too drunk to look after him, & they couldn't leave a minor with adults too drunk to care for him.

A few years later I got a call in the middle of the night from my DD to say her baby wasn't breathing. We hadn't had a drink & jumped straight in the car to drive the 10miles to their house. After that I didn't drink for years as I often got called to go & help my DD in a depressive, suicidal state. (3 month old baby boy was lost to cot death)

Since then I haven't drunk much at all. I can't cope with a hangover these days & find I can enjoy myself on a night out without alcohol. And I prefer to have my car for ease of getting home. I wouldnt drive at all if I'd had a drink - as I drink so rarely I don't know how it wouid affect me.

We rarely drink at home. But I do think at least one adult in the house should be sober enough to look after the kids, which may mean 1 of you sticks to the drink drive limit.

Gosh no I haven’t read the news at all, are infants dying all over the country while their parents get drunk due to an nhs crisis or something

This is in poor taste, imo.

The rest of your post locks step with the rest of thread. Most posters have said they'll have a drink with kids in the house. Your 'parochial posters' are a small number here.

Nothing.

So is referring to others as snobs, worry worts, pearl clutchers and suggesting they have an anxiety disorder.

I have a double of whatever spirit I fancy on a Saturday, but my partner is there and sober. My son is 12.

You are obviously going to get very different responses, depending on people's own personal experiences. One person's parents may have got pissed occasionally, and been 'happy' or 'funny' etc. Whereas another's parents may have got pissed occasionally and been abusive, and another's, well maybe their parents were alcoholics and serious abuse happened etc etc. I think it is a very subjective thing to talk about. In my personal opinion though, alcohol and children don't mix. If you want to get pissed up, then go out or have the kids stay elsewhere. In my experience, seeing your parents drunk as a child is horrible and scary, and it can be completely avoided- it is a choice not a necessity. I'm almost 40 and still extremely uncomfortable around drunk men.
And I'm sorry, but saying your life is over because you can't drink alcohol is pretty pathetic.

I am a lone parent and have been since DD was a toddler. I suffer with migraines so rarely drink as alcohol can be a trigger. I definitely have not deprived myself of anything by avoiding alcohol 90% of the time.

A few beers if I felt like it but I wouldn't get seriously drunk. I wouldn't want to be drunk if they woke up from a bad dream or something and I needed to chat to them.

I never drive after any amount of alcohol so it's not about staying under the limit. To be honest I very rarely go over 2 or 3 beers these days but if I was going to push the boat out I'd want to be completely free of childcare responsibility, even sleeping children.

On the other hand I don't think twice about opening a beer if I'm in the mood.

When my dc were young it was generally me who was completely sober. By the time I’d been pregnant & breastfed, twice with only a 6m gap I then didn’t feel the need for alcohol anyway. My eldest had asthma & was often hospitalised so that tends to put you off anyway.
Realistically though, I’d say with children that young, one drink should be plenty. Do I have anxiety? No
But I do work with young children & know what can & does happen.

I'll be honest, I've only read a few of your posts OP and they stink to high heaven of you juystifying your drinking by bashing other people.

I am firmly in the camp of not having your kids see you drunk, while I will happily have a few too many when not with my kids, I do see it as irresponsible to show them 'drunk is normal'.

If drinking at home, at least one parent/responsible adult should be sober enough to legally and safely drive in my opinion, if two parents then if the one parent isn't happy with always being the sober one then they should be taking turns, this is not some sort of panic disorder, it is normal, sensible parenting.

No matter what you say, a parent who is drunk is not properly capable of watching young children and responding to their needs.

Having a “little drink” wouldn’t leave most people drunk enough to lose their child. For me to get that drunk, I’d need to drink at least two bottles of wine.

My mum would get drunk and be happy/funny etc and could function when I was younger, tbh she still gets drunk now. I personally didn’t like it and I don’t drink more than 1 glass when I’m around my kids because of this.

With children that young 1-2 glasses of wine or 1-2 ciders, I wouldn’t get drunk and I’d only be drinking if there were other adults around, if I was on my own I wouldn’t drink at all.

2 glasses of wine

I used to get hammered at a weekend when my eldest two dc were 2 and 5, for a year after thier dad left me, so much so I’d pass out on the bed. Very very stupid and irresponsible in my situation. tbh back then I was sliding into a drink problem anyway as I was so depressed. I did stop after my kids woke up and were roaming the house at 4am trying to pour themselves a drink because they couldn’t wake me up. I still go cold to this day thinking of what could have happened.

strangely the most I will have now the 4 kids are teens and two are adults is two glasses of wine. Nothing wrong in having a drink when your kids are asleep but I took it too far.

when I have my 4 year old dgd to sleep… never, nor when my dc have thier friends over. I’m not bothered about being over the limit, always taxis or neighbours but being so drunk you are incapable or really sick nah. Different of course if there is another sober adult in the house.

Op is winding us up.
No one is that stupid to think being pissed in charge of a 1 year old and other young kids is in any way acceptable.

I think perhaps OP has already been on the cider tonight

Personally, not enough to be over the limit- so one, maybe two over a longer period of time, but that's just me.

I'm the only one that drives. We live rurally and my nearest friends and relatives live 1h30m away. I have only considered not drinking when one or two of my toddler children are ill, and may need to be driven to A&E. Otherwise I'm happy to have a glass or two of wine (not every night before you think I'm a raving alcoholic). I normally call it a night after that, but only because I will inevitably be woken up at 1am 😅

“In that case, using that logic, do you never ever have a proper drink? Planning to be on red alert for emergency 24/7/365 feels ridiculous to me?

Anxiety disorder?”

Erm, you’ve asked the question, people are giving you their answer. If it feels ridiculous to you, why ask for perspectives? Sounds like you want validation for being able to drink a fair amount with three small children in your care. In which case, just say what you plan on doing and ask for views, specifically. It’s not ridiculous at all to be on alert all the time and to say ‘anxiety disorder?’ is so damn rude. I rarely comment but it bugs me when people ask others what they’d do, people waste their time answering and the OP then chimes in with their judgment.

Also, your so you have anxiety comment was highly passive aggressive. If you're getting drunk every weekend/ night to the point you can't drive, whilst sat at home on your own, then there is a drinking issue. Having a few drinks with friends on a Saturday every so often is different to the scenario your original question seemed to be phrased. Event versus solo drinking regularly to the point of intoxication I do view differently.

Life changes so much after children, the old you is forever gone. The sooner you accept this and embrace motherhood the better it is for everyone

What a load of misogynistic old shite. Women, know your limits.

Wow, having caught up (and just responded to the very early parts of this thread when I felt the OP was obnoxious for calling people ridiculous and suggesting they had an anxiety disorder because they choose not to drink a lot should an emergency arise and they need to drive) it’s clear that a) OP shouldn’t have bothered coming on here to ask FOR OUR EXPERIENCES AND VIEWS only to then berate anyone that seemingly drinks less than her or is more cautious and b) she needs help for a drinking problem as it’s clear she wants approval for being regularly pissed when caring for three tiny children, one of whom wasn’t born that long ago. I hope you get the help you need OP and perhaps learn some courtesy when people are wasting their time bothering to reply to you.

Seriously?! If there is an emergency you need to be able to drive and think clearly. I would say none to one on a special occasion. Alcohol impairs judgement and reaction times all scientifically proven. Maybe it’s just me that thinks like this?