Settle a household debate - having a drink and being in charge of kids

[DuffLite]

How much would you say is fine to drink if you were “in charge” of your kids on say a Saturday night. All already fed and nobody needing to go out so no requirement to cook etc - everyone just chilling out for the evening, doing their own thing

It all depends on your tolerance and over what period you drink.

Drinking a bottle of wine in an hour, thats a lot. A bottle of 4 or 5 hours? Not so much.

I do hate the 'so long as I can drive' reasons to not drink. What if someone doesn't drive? Are they allowed to drink more because they wouldn't be expected to drive?

We both drink as much as we like. Ours are teenagers now but we have done this for years. We both wouldn't usually get absolutely off our faces. Although I can confirm, when you need to, you can sober up if your kids need you too!

Call my Dad who doesn’t drink. Or call a taxi. It’s very unlikely that a healthy child who’s asleep in bed will need to be rushed to hospital during the night though. We regularly drink a bottle of wine between two people on a Saturday night. We don’t drink if the kids are sick in case they need looking after, we don’t drink on a school night, and we don’t drink enough to be ill the next day.

Anyway, by the time you’re old enough to have kids your heavy drinking days are behind you. Your body is starting to age and you need to be more health conscious, you have a more important job that requires you to perform, and you can’t have a hangover because you have to get up with the kids the next day. So that naturally restricts your drinking.

If you can get one. The nearest taxi here is 10/12 miles away and they don't always come out here

What thread are you reading? Literally the majority say that a couple of glasses of wine is completely fine 🙄

Personally while my little one is 7 months I would only ever have a glass of wine on the odd occasion unless I'm going out for lunch with friends and then I'd have maybe share bottle and get a bit tipsy but only if I know she is with my husband and he is covering overnight wake ups. I wouldn't get drunk as I couldn't deal with a hangover and a baby/toddler the next day!

I think as time goes on I will feel more comfortable but for now I don't want to drink much or often as I kind of feel what someone else said, on alert for emergency's etc. I know it's prob not a healthy way to be worrying!

The rest of it

One person should always be totally alcohol free if there are any small kids in the house esp under 5’s

As long as either me or DH is able to respond appropriately in an emergency, recognise an emergency etc then I think it's ok.

OP as you can see it's an MN 'thing' that no one should get drunk in charge of kids ever ever, you'll never win!

I will drink as much as like, sometimes up to two birthed of wine when the kids (2,6,9) are in bed.

In the unlikely event there was an out of the blue emergency I'd call an ambulance, taxi or a family member.

Wouldn't drink if a child was already ill when going to bed.

Some mothers have perfectly nice lives without drinking at all. If moderating your alcohol consumption would ruin yours, you likely have a problem with alcohol.

It sounds like you are the disaster, OP.

Wow. Becoming a mother isn’t (or shouldn’t be) a life ruiner/life ender.

I must have missed the memo that life without getting trollied is a life ruined or ended. Even on a night out, your mind is with your DC. You never fully switch off, not even when they are 18. They still need you. You read my comment as life ended and ruined which is wrong. Your life will not be the same but it doesn't mean it's ruined or ended. It's an evolution and a new chapter with a new identity. It's unrealistic and silly to expect that you will be the same post children. People who keep chasing the carefree days end up disappointed. I'm not saying you can never have a night out of go on a break with your friends, I'm saying you can't be drunk in sole charge of under 10s. The days of choosing booze for dinner are over, you have children to look after now. Accepting the change in your lifestyle and new responsibilities helps you be the best parent you can be and why wouldn't you want to give your children the best you can?

While in theory you could get drunk with a one year old, most normal people will know it's a terrible and dangerous idea. I suggest you find a new way of chilling out and having fun without alcohol because getting drunk frequently or in charge of children isn't compatible with being a good parent.

No - there was always at least 1 adult not drinking and able to manage an emergency or at the very least, be a parent.

Same thing I'd do when sober; call a taxi. Or if really needed I would ask a neighbour, flag down a passing car or call an ambulance if it's an emergency.

I think once a child has turned 2 it’s safe to have a glass or two in the evening regularly, and once they’ve turned 5 (maybe younger, only a loose idea) it’s okay to get a bit drunk around them at special events so long as there’s a sober adult there to keep an eye on them. Once they’re high school age I think it’s fine to get drunk around them so long as it’s not regular enough to be upsetting for them.

Definitely not pearl clutching to stay sober with an under 5. I remember last summer the police spent hours looking for a 3 year old girl near me whose parents had lost her because they’d decided to have a little drink. Turns out the grandma had stopped by, been disgusted with how drunk they were so had taken the little girl home with her and it had taken the parents well over two hours in the middle of the day to even notice that she was missing.

Big difference there though is yours are in bed. Still not saying I agree it's right but that is a big difference from OP's 1 and 2.5 year old 'chilling and doing their own thing' but still awake

@DuffLite anxiety disorder ???

piss head????

like PP, I didn’t drink when my children were so young. Didn’t want to be under the influence in case they needed me. Like most things it’s a personal parenting choice people make. U choose something different, but no need to start being so judgemental when people make different decisions how to look after their kids. U asked the question and it was answered.

If I was on my own with several kids including a baby, I'd want to be sober enough to drive. I see from your replies that you think this is ridiculous but lots of other posters have said it too. It's not OCD or anxiety, it's responsibility. Sounds like you're just looking for permission to get fairly drunk.

A glass or two if you handle your booze are fine, I'm talking about drunk like uni days or whatever, really pissed type of drunk. That's not compatible with being a good parent. A glass or two an evening if it will make you a bit tipsy but still aware is fine.

I wouldn't want to be smashed but i wouldn't worry about driving. Id probably have 3 glasses of wine. Id call a taxi or uber in an emergency. Ive never heard of anyone in real life not drinking when there are children in the house! My parents certainly had a few glasses of wine. Never drunk but over the limit sure!

Bit of an arsey defensive drunk are you, OP?
Regularly too pissed to care for your children safely?
Lashing out at everyone else instead of being a responsible parent?
We can see you.

are you equating not being able to get drunk as a life ruiner/ life ender?

Some people obviously live such fun lives 😂😂

I love a drink but thinking it’s a life ruiner/ender if you can’t get pissed on a regular basis is pretty sad.

I'm a single parent and rarely get a child free night out so if I fancy an alcoholic drink at home, I'll have one. Drinking in moderation is perfectly acceptable with children in the house. I never get drunk or out of control and could always manage in an emergency. Would definitely avoid drinking too much if caring for a baby as well to minimise the risk of accidents.. The driving thing is irrelevant imo. Would I be a less capable parent if I didn't own a car or the car was in the garage for a few days?

I think it's probably good for older children to witness responsible, moderate drinking in their care givers. So they understand that alcohol can be enjoyed by adults responsibly and doesn't have to involve getting drunk or behavi g badly.

In an emergency you would get an ambulance surely.

Generally speaking I think you know your limits. If all is well with the little ones you can let your hair down. I know when to stop and/or if the little one is up in the night I know it’s time to go to bed!

Calling the op a disaster is pretty rude