Settle a household debate - having a drink and being in charge of kids

[DuffLite]

How much would you say is fine to drink if you were “in charge” of your kids on say a Saturday night. All already fed and nobody needing to go out so no requirement to cook etc - everyone just chilling out for the evening, doing their own thing

Christ on a bike, if I was getting pissed on cider on a normal Saturday with my kids at home I think I would genuinely worry I had a problem. Absolutely no one I know does this, maybe NYE or a party but not a normal evening/ every week. And no, we are not all boring, we are very happy to go out and drink when we’re not just sitting at home in charge of our kids.

Those of who you DO drink when in sole charge of kids - what would you do if they needed to go to hospital?

When my daughter was about 2 she woke in the night and fell out of her bed. She broke her nose and there was just so much blood. I had to take her in a taxi to A&E as her Dad and I had had a couple of glasses of Prosecco (it was actually New Years Eve and it was the fireworks that had woken her). I’ve never sobered up so fast in my life… I was terrified the doctors would see me and think I’d either drunkenly hurt her or wasn’t paying enough attention to her because I’d been drinking. Awful. Wouldn’t wish that terror on anyone and have been extra cautious ever since.

Can all the posters who are quoting that I have asked about doing this EVERY NIGHT or REGULARLY please read the thread properly

This as an irregular thing on say a Saturday night

X-post but I went in a taxi with her, using our own car seat. Which I then had to sit with in A&E feeling like the worst parent ever.

Doing it on every/most Saturday nights is a regular habit.

I never drink alcohol in front of small DC. I prefer to be alert. Also there's the fact that you can't properly relax and get any peace and quiet to enjoy alcohol so in mind it isn't worth it.

If they are in bed I only drink a few units but I don't drink regularly. I do enjoy the odd shandy though.

Wow. Becoming a mother isn’t (or shouldn’t be) a life ruiner/life ender. If you think not having "a proper drink" is a life ruiner you have a problem. With 3 children that young I would only have multiple drinks if someone else was babysitting. Enjoy cocktails on a night out or wine with a meal.
Another who lives rurally so would always want to be able to drive if I was responsible for the DC.

A few years ago - I used to drink fairly regularly, and fall asleep on the sofa. DP gets home from work quite late and DD would still be up. Then I stopped drinking as I was pregnant with DS. After I’d stopped breast feeding, I started drinking again - and even a glass at the wrong time was sending me asleep. And I just can’t do that. So I’ve pretty much stopped and I feel so much better for it. I drink when I go out for a meal - so half a bottle max. And the food allows me to tolerate it better. Think it depends on how much you can drink and still parent/ensure the children are safe - but I think - so you can still drive in an emergency - is a bit of a stretch…

2 or 3

😂 I would say most of the population would consider doing it every Saturday as regular. I say I’m not a regular drinker when asked because I drink every 6-8 weeks (whilst not caring for my child)

100% this

Many drunk drivers manage to get from A to B without crashing. Doesn’t mean they were safe to do so, just means they got lucky.

Do you want to have to get lucky nothing bad happened while looking after your children drunk or do you want them to be safe?

You came to ask for opinions and any one that doesn't agree with you is being shot down...why bother asking?

Do you wear a seatbelt in case you have a car accident?

Do you wear a life jacket on a boat incase you capsize?

Do you have a fire alarm incase there’s a fire?

A carbon monoxide alarm incase there’s a leak?

Do you inside your pet incase they need expensive medical treatment?

Do you insure your home/belongings incase of fire/natural disaster etc

Life is all about mitigating risks, and making sensible decisions. It’s not “crackers” or “cringe” (although that word is!)

What do people class as “living rurally”?

people on here say they “live rurally” all the time

in real life most people don’t live rurally

Wow calling anyone that doesn’t agree with you “pearl clutching” is a bit of a grasp! The majority are disagreeing with you and yet you still put them down, why bother asking unless you just want an argument?
You sound very young, probably not got all your partying out of your system.
A few drinks with kids that young is fine but anything more, without having someone around that is relatively sober, is just irresponsible and selfish. What happens if one youngster becomes sick in the night, would you even wake?
Sounds like your partner has concerns with good reason

So going by most peoples logic no one really drinks until their kids have left home??

We drink different amounts sometimes 1 glass of wine, 1 bottle, depending on what is on, if friends are over etc

You can't live your whole life worrying that there might be an emergency and you will have to drive, that is crazy!

Girlintheframe - or assume everyone has access to a car, they don't

You are very defensive @DuffLite and to be honest I would be worried about any friend of mine who described not being able to get drunk in charge of their 1 year old as a “life ruiner/life over”. Genuinely and with no judgment, because alcohol is damaging as well as potentially a lot of fun.. but do you need help? www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk

That's not what most people are saying at all.

The OP has a baby and a toddler. Not exactly until they have left home.

I guess it depends very much on the individual child. I think my mum would be really upset and surprised if she knew I used to feel this way. I think she thought it was all a bit of fun. She used to want to do pillow fights or dance to the radio and I used to go along with it while feeling like it was all a wee bit out of control and… sort of fun but in a slightly scary way? Hard to describe. Like it was almost on a knife edge. Not that anything bad ever ever happened but I’m fairly anxious as an adult now and I sometimes wonder how much of a part this bit of my childhood played.

Two glasses max. 1) Because as others have said, I'd never want to be too drunk to drive if needed but just as importantly 2) As someone who grew up around family members who drank heavily- kids can tell from a young age when their parent isn't "right". It's important for me to be emotionally available for my kids and even at the ages you say OP (I have a 6 year old and a 2 year old so v similar), if one woke up and was distressed then I want to be calm and steady on my feet to comfort them. I'd feel really uncomfortable being really tipsy or drunk as the only adult in the house. Personally I think it's irresponsible/ not great parenting to believe otherwise. One or two glasses is very different to happily downing a bottle solo etc.

The needing hospital argument isn't valid really as lots of people can't drive so would need a lift/taxi to take a child to hospital.

As for whether it bothers children, that depends entirely on the child. So just because you found tipsy parents funny, another child might feel worried or anxious about it.

I wouldn't get really pissed with a young child in the home but nor do I think there always needs to be an adult who hasn't touched a drop.

I can't put my finger on why but I think I'm less bothered about the occasional party than parents sinking 8 cans of cider every weekend. Maybe I'm just a snob.