Unfair splitting of dinner bill by couple

[NazMedusa]

Went for dinner for a friend's birthday who we hadn't seen for a while and who had come all the way down from another city. This friend has had a rough year so we were treating her to dinner.

Male friend at the last minute asked if he could bring his wife along as she really wanted to join us. Fine but a bit annoying as she's not really a part of this friendship group that we'd formed 15 years ago at work but we've spent enough time with her as he has a habit of bringing her along to everything. So four of us (who once worked together) plus this wife.

The couple ordered extra starters, sides and alcoholic drinks. He made a comment a couple of times that "we'll pay extra for our bits". Myself, other friend and birthday girl don't drink so had a soft drink each and one starter and one main.

The bill came to £170. Our food and drinks came to around £25 each for the non-drinkers. The couple spent the rest. Male friend and his wife took it upon themselves to work the bill out and spent at least 5 mins doing it. As the birthday girl is close friends with the three of us (not the wife), I expected him to split her part between the three of us, and then split the rest of the bill according to what we roughly ordered. Instead he said that myself and the other non-drinking friend owed £48 each, and he paid £74. So he paid only £26 extra when he was supposed to be paying for 2 adults (himself and his wife) plus the non-drinking birthday girl (who's food and drink came to £25 and should have been split three ways).

Isn't this unfair? I feel like we also paid towards his uninvited wife. We paid it without saying anything as didn't want to make things awkward, especially in front of birthday girl. But how should I deal with things next time this happens??

For a bit more context: I am currently on an extended mat leave so no income. And him and his wife are top earners and earn more than any of us.

Payback for your dreadful manners and the way in which you speak of his wife. Sounds like she had a great evening in wonderful company.

So the bill came to £170 for the five people.

Three of you spent £25 each so the couple spent £170-75 = £95

Splitting birthday girls meal between three friends (not inc wife) adds £8.33 to each person.

Couple owe £95+£8.33+tip contribution so at least £103.33

If I understood correctly

I agree. Extremely tight of her not to insist on chipping in.

Just do separate bills, then when it comes time to pay say let’s split birthday girl between the 3 friends

in fact I would set that out before you vo

He was clearly being cheeky but you've got only yourself to blame.

Assuming he knew the plan was to cover birthday girl, sounds like you had several opportunities to say something e.g. when he said they would pay for their other bits "yeah I think we are all going to pay individually for what we've had, rather than split the bill, and then us 4 cover birthday girl"

Then when he worked out the bill why didn't you say "£46? No that can't be right for just a main and a coke...let me see. No I owe x, y owes x, you and your wife owe x and split birthday girls meal 4 ways as we agreed so add an extra £8 on each."

You just say er no ours is £25 each. The rest is yours

BIt łatę, but I bet next year you will have something arranged so you cannot meet them.

Have I missed something? As far as I can see OP only said that the wife isn’t part of their friendship group. What’s wrong with that?

Isn't this unfair? I feel like we also paid towards his uninvited wife. We paid it without saying anything as didn't want to make things awkward, especially in front of birthday girl. But how should I deal with things next time this happens??

Obviously its ridiculous but why did three grown adults just sit there like lettuces and let him do it?

Firstly what stopped you saying "no partners"? Secondly what stopped you saying "nice try matey, lets all pay our own bills and the three of us will split Flossie's as its her birthday"?

At the very least if you must just divvy up the bill for wildly different orders then at least separate out the alcohol bill.

So YANBU for the principle but YABU to have sat there and let him do it.

Yabu for not opening your mouth and saying something at the time.

I'd do this, for the sake of diplomacy. Work out (approximately will do) what you and the other non-drinker should have paid and give him those numbers. Act as though you're totally assuming it was an honest mistake and therefore of course he'll want to make it good.
In future – well, if you call him out this time I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't come to things in future.

YABU for not speaking up and just letting him get away with it.

This

Certainly sounds wrong but not uncommon.

Take a lesson from it and move on.

You should have taken control of the bill yourself as you were the one who organised the dinner.
Emailing him outlining how he hadn't paid enough is petty.

Actually if its bother you and cash is tight - you can email him and say as you know I am on maternity leave and cash is tight and I woke up this morning and wondered how the bill was worked out? Say I assumed it would be done this way....xxxx but it seems to have been done this way - what are your thoughts? I would not be happy but I would be fuming if cash was tight and I ended up subsiding an uninvited guest. Pull up your big girl pants and sort it. You have posted here and are asking people because you are unhappy and can't process it.

You are being unreasonable for not saying anything at the time. Dont be a doormat, you could have called him out without it causing a scene.

For the sake of £9 I’d probably chalk it down to experience. If you have another birthday to celebrate and don’t feel able to raise bill-splitting with dining companions ask for a separate bill. ‘I’m going to get a separate bill this evening’. This means there isn’t any quibbling between you and friends. I think posh dinners when you’re pregnant are so tricky, especially if others are big drinkers.

I voted YABU because you did nothing and let him get away with taking the piss. Where’s your backbone? Why didn’t you say something at the time? The world won’t implode just because you say “hey, that’s not a fair split, let’s do it another way”.

He’s obviously a knob and instead of whinging and letting him get away with it, ring him and tell him that he's got his calculations wrong and that he owes you £x to cover his wife’s full meal costs as obviously she wasn’t originally invited, and £x towards their more expensive drinks.

Depending on his initial response, I’d also make it clear that unless he pays up, he can kiss this friendship group goodbye.

YANBU but you should have said something at the time.

If you're so bothered, contact the restaurant and ask for a copy of the bill. Work out what he owes you and ask for it.

Or take it as a lesson to speak up next time.

The non drinkers spent £25 each.
Which means the couple spent £95 between them.
4 of you were all covering the birthday girl’s £25 so that’s an extra £6.25 each.
Therefore the 2 non drinkers should have paid 25 plus 6.25 = £31.25 each. And the couple should have paid 95 plus 6.25 plus 6.25 = £107.50
Plus tip / service charge if it wasn’t included in the £170

I would be inclined to send a quick message setting him straight. Thanks for working out the restaurant bill the other night. It came to a bit more than I expected for myself and my share of birthday girl’s meal and I was just wondering how you worked it out because by my reckoning it should be ……

The couple were cheeky in their maths and it is jarring that they took advantage and expected you to sub them.

You never trust the CFers to sort the bill at the end.

Now you know, speak up next time.
"Sorry its only a small dinner, no partners are coming, just us who know each other well."
"I'll sort the bill. Its easier, we've had a lot less, are you wanting to pay towards birthday friends?"
"Are you sure? I don't think we spent that much, let me just check."

Did you mention it at the time? If you didn't, and you agreed to pay way over the odds for what you ate/drank, you only have yourself to blame? Why didn't you arrange with the waiting staff that the bill for the couple would come entirely separately to the rest of the group as they said they would pay for their extras (and their food/drink)???

If you don't speak up at the time, you can expect cheeky fuckers (CF's to the uninitiated) to walk all over you.

You now know for the next time and to cut them off at the chase so it doesn't happen again.

I’d have said something at the time but text him now.