Unfair splitting of dinner bill by couple

[NazMedusa]

Went for dinner for a friend's birthday who we hadn't seen for a while and who had come all the way down from another city. This friend has had a rough year so we were treating her to dinner.

Male friend at the last minute asked if he could bring his wife along as she really wanted to join us. Fine but a bit annoying as she's not really a part of this friendship group that we'd formed 15 years ago at work but we've spent enough time with her as he has a habit of bringing her along to everything. So four of us (who once worked together) plus this wife.

The couple ordered extra starters, sides and alcoholic drinks. He made a comment a couple of times that "we'll pay extra for our bits". Myself, other friend and birthday girl don't drink so had a soft drink each and one starter and one main.

The bill came to £170. Our food and drinks came to around £25 each for the non-drinkers. The couple spent the rest. Male friend and his wife took it upon themselves to work the bill out and spent at least 5 mins doing it. As the birthday girl is close friends with the three of us (not the wife), I expected him to split her part between the three of us, and then split the rest of the bill according to what we roughly ordered. Instead he said that myself and the other non-drinking friend owed £48 each, and he paid £74. So he paid only £26 extra when he was supposed to be paying for 2 adults (himself and his wife) plus the non-drinking birthday girl (who's food and drink came to £25 and should have been split three ways).

Isn't this unfair? I feel like we also paid towards his uninvited wife. We paid it without saying anything as didn't want to make things awkward, especially in front of birthday girl. But how should I deal with things next time this happens??

For a bit more context: I am currently on an extended mat leave so no income. And him and his wife are top earners and earn more than any of us.

I put YABU purely based on the fact you paid for it. You should have said no… we will pay for ours and birthday girl’s but you can pay for yours.

Just wanted to check in case you have work :)

Luckily not. I usually look after the grandchildren on a Monday but not today, hence me thinking it’s the day of rest. 😂

Did you enjoy the evening?

You paid £48 instead of estimated £25?

YABU. Either say something at the time or don't moan about it after.

YABU.

EIther pay up or speak up.

Stewing after the event is futile.

We had this last year.

A smaller group of us decided to start going for a meal from a different cuisine each month. We all paid fairly and ordered equally.

Then after the 3rd time, another person wanted to come with 3 members of their family. We went back to a restaurant we went to previously and warned him the portions were very generous. He over ordered everything as did his equally greedy family. Loads of food gor wasted which annoyed me anyway.

Then, the bill came and he works it out equally between us all, meaning our usually £30 plus tip meal was nearer £75 each.

We all paid it but we've never invited them back as it was just pure gluttony and selfishness.

That's what I would do, just don't invite him if he's going to be a CF

In different circumstances I’d have said something, but not in that situation as it could have escalated into a situation that would have made things uncomfortable for the birthday girl. I can see why you wouldn’t say anything. Most posters with two brain cells would get this. Message them today.

Instead of around £33 including share of birthday girl’s meal.

YABU for not saying something at the time.

Next time something like this happens, you should question it at the time

Why didn't you just tell him?

I find more places actually keep bill splits for you now if you ask. Whether that's more usual in University cities I don't know, but it's been noticeable when we've taken our DD and her partner out. We've even been asked on one or two occasions.

I wonder how it works abroad because it feels like a very British problem. We are always afraid of upsetting the apple cart even though they are the cheeky #####rs

@W0tnow apparently not or maybe not 2 brain cells.

What you do in this situation is to just say - hang on, that doesn't sound right, pass me the bill please. I did just that on Saturday night. Not because I was getting over-charged by the one doing the calculations, but a friend of mine was. You can even say that this can't be right because it would mean they ate for less than £30 each and as they said at the time, they should be paying more. A laugh and comment about sums being wrong if you want to soften the message.

Or perhaps it would have been better for the two greedy CF’s ti cook a meal at home instead of forcing OP and friend to pay for all their extras.

I know this isn't a popular opinion on mn but whenever our friendship group goes out, we have only ever paid for ourselves.

Some of us want starters or dessert, sometimes the vegetarian mains is a lot cheaper than the meat options, some of us don't even drink, so it makes sense just to pay for ourselves.

No, we dont whip out a calculator and spend ages adding everything up to the penny either. How hard is a bit of rounding and adding up of your own items anywau, which I usually do as I'm ordering.

OP, in your case, I agree it's unfair what male friend.has done, it's too late for you to say anything to him now. Perhaps you can agree just to pay for what you have next time.

We do this as well (mainly because one of the group is tight but also a CF and used to try to get everyone to split the bill to cover her excesses).

I'm usually happy to split the bill but only if people are ordering similar food/drink. If they are over or under-ordering or not drinking alcohol that would make me feel uncomfortable, like I was subsiding them. I'd also find it annoying if people were bringing along a plus one. If he can't go out without his wife then it's a bit drippy and it's irritating for you and changes the dynamic.

What a ridiculous comment. All well and good if money is no object, but plenty of people go out for a nice meal having a good idea of how much the meal will be, and budget accordingly. They shouldn't have to pay towards someone else's extras, especially someone who wasn't invited!

*they were subsidising me.

I don’t drink alcohol so whenever I have gone on a meal on my own where I have had to pay, I have always said at the start that I will pay for my own food and drink. It’s never been a problem in forty years.

What a rude post.

Yes, they were very cheeky. I understand you didn't want to sour the evening for the birthday girl but I'd definitely be pointing it out to him now though!
Going forward, just pay for your own.

I agree. You either say something at the time or suck it up. Don't start messaging now.