Unfair splitting of dinner bill by couple

[NazMedusa]

Went for dinner for a friend's birthday who we hadn't seen for a while and who had come all the way down from another city. This friend has had a rough year so we were treating her to dinner.

Male friend at the last minute asked if he could bring his wife along as she really wanted to join us. Fine but a bit annoying as she's not really a part of this friendship group that we'd formed 15 years ago at work but we've spent enough time with her as he has a habit of bringing her along to everything. So four of us (who once worked together) plus this wife.

The couple ordered extra starters, sides and alcoholic drinks. He made a comment a couple of times that "we'll pay extra for our bits". Myself, other friend and birthday girl don't drink so had a soft drink each and one starter and one main.

The bill came to £170. Our food and drinks came to around £25 each for the non-drinkers. The couple spent the rest. Male friend and his wife took it upon themselves to work the bill out and spent at least 5 mins doing it. As the birthday girl is close friends with the three of us (not the wife), I expected him to split her part between the three of us, and then split the rest of the bill according to what we roughly ordered. Instead he said that myself and the other non-drinking friend owed £48 each, and he paid £74. So he paid only £26 extra when he was supposed to be paying for 2 adults (himself and his wife) plus the non-drinking birthday girl (who's food and drink came to £25 and should have been split three ways).

Isn't this unfair? I feel like we also paid towards his uninvited wife. We paid it without saying anything as didn't want to make things awkward, especially in front of birthday girl. But how should I deal with things next time this happens??

For a bit more context: I am currently on an extended mat leave so no income. And him and his wife are top earners and earn more than any of us.

Totally unfair. But you should have said something at the time.

Either email him, point out the numbers and be blunt that you feel he ripped you off, or don't invite him along in future.

I haven't worked it out exactly, but it's clearly wrong. I would message him and say you're confused about the bill and could he explain. Cheeky so and so.

Next time it happens - you offer to work the bill out

or once he’s worked it out, say ‘sorry that sounds a bit high do you mind if I just check myself?’

yes it might have been a bit awkward for 5 minutes, but if you’re all good friends I’m sure the others would understand (especially knowing you’re on maternity leave)

If this only juat happened you can send a message now saying that you didn't want to spoil birthday girls evening quibbling over numbers, but you think he made a major error with his calculations (personnly I'd let him hide behind a mistake to prevent defensiveness and have best chance of getting your money back).

In my opinion you are BU, but only because you're prepared to let this slide. I can understand you not saying anything in front of the birthday girl, but would contact him now, and say 'Oi CF, not happy with the way you worked out the bill the other night, explain why, and tell him how much you expect him to pay you back'. If he says 'yeh, yeh, I'll send you the money', and then doesn't, the next time you go out together, remind him right at the start that he owes you £X, and so he can pay for your drinks, meal or whatever. It's obviously up to you whether you point out that you're on maternity leave, so finances are tricky right now, but in reality, he was being a CF, regardless of different levels of income, and you should call him out on it.

Sorry I lost track, I think you needed to point it out at the time. I'd probably not invite him again or of I did would make it so everyone pays for their own food

It looks like he divided the bill by 5 to get the pp price of £34.

Then split birthday person's meal of £34 between the three of you £11 each.

So £45 pp in total for the three of you who worked with her.

And just £34 for his wife, who wasn't paying for birthday person (£79 for the couple).

I know the numbers you gave were £48 and £76 but not far out.

Still not fair I suppose if you only spent £25 on food/drink I guess, especially as he said he'd pay more as ordering extras.

I’m amazed at the audacity of some people.
unless it’s an honest mistake and he is usually fair about things like this, I’d just chalk it to experience and not invite him again.
I feel like even if you corrected his calculation , he may or may not agree.
I appreciate the difference you are owed is almost another meal so it depends whether you are drawing his attention to it to make a point or for the money or both.
I wouldn’t bother because I can’t stand people like this so happy to be shown what they are like! Albeit at a price!

Was he aware he was treating the birthday girl to dinner?

I'd contact him and tell him what you think was owed by each person and ask him to pay the difference.

If they were drinking their maths skills probably weren't up to much.

I'd have said something at the time.

Did he know you planned on paying for her food?

It sounds like it was a genuine mistake but it's really odd you didn't say anything at the time.

I would just have said "Do you mind if I check?" and taken the bill.

I probably just wouldn't bother inviting him next time. He sounds like he's not really on the same wavelength as the rest of the group.

If it didn’t seem right at the time then you could have said something. Has he got form for this over the last 15 years when you’ve been out for dinner as a group?

As he paid extra for him and his wives additional drinks/foods he isn't your typical CF.

If it was clear that you 3 fruends would be payibg for your friend just message him and say you owe me £25/3 for friend's meal.

It sounds like you and the other friend were the ones who decided to treat the birthday girl to dinner, then this guy decided to come. If he wasn't asked to help pay for the birthday girl's dinner ahead of time then I don't think he is obligated. It does sound like he wasn't aware of it.

Also, I think it's rude to invite a married man out to dinner with the attitude that his wife is tagging along. Everyone I know would expect to bring their spouse to a social event with people of the opposite gender.

@NazMedusa My reading is that you worked out you plus friend plus birthday girl = 75 quid. Birthday girl dinner \ 3 = £8 quid odds each, round up to 9. So you should have paid say 34 quid, say 35 for convenience and tip. Friend and wife pay 100. Why did you sit like mutton dummies instead of saying I’ll sort the bill out or speak to him discreetly to work it out between you whilst your friend chatted to birthday girl to distract her (it’s uncomfortable when you are sitting there and people are discussing paying your share)? I understand you are skint but if I were you that’s exactly why I would have either said no I’ll work it out or spoken to them about it. Realistically you should have told your male friend no it’s not appropriate to bring your wife and went from there.

YANBU

He’s rude with no manners, starting from insisting to bring the wife when she wasn’t invited - to someone’s birthday no less!

Like pp said, you can text or e-mail him and tell him to pay his fair share, I get that could be akward though.
Don’t invite him and his sidekick next time.

Oops, I read the OP wrong. The male wasn't invited at the last minute as I thoght but it still seems he may not have known he was expected to chip in on the birthday girl's dinner.

Well in the time he was faffing around working the bill out, you and your other friend could have said 'mine is £25, and we're treating birthday girl, so an extra tenner for that, plus a tip' and whats left is yours and put down £40 each or a bit less if you had change, and they'd have paid the right amount for what they had.

If they're high earners they might be unaware that not everyone can just write off the extra £10/20 by splitting so you need to stand up for yourself and say so at the time.

Could you not just have said, ‘Ooh, that doesn’t sound right, Kevin. I was expecting mine and BG’s to come in at around £25 each and since it’s her birthday we’re treating her so splitting it between us all. Can I check the bill ?’ It looks like he didn’t expect to make that contribution- did you say you were treating her and they got her a different gift or something like that? Are they usually sneaky around money?

This

I really don't get why you just sat there and accepted it

Did your £48 include a tip? I wonder if he built that into his calculation.

20% of £170 is £34 = £6.80 per person.
That takes your £25 meal up to £31.80.
Then splitting the birthday girl's meal between 3 is an additional £10.60.
So you should have paid around £42.40
Which isn't far off.
He would have paid £75 plus tip.

you should have said at the time 'that doesn't sound right, lets have a look' and sorted it out there and then.

Bit late now to be emailing him - next time, don't let him sort the bill and/or done invite him knowing that he is like this.

this- you should have said something at the time, but you didn't

SO say something straight away now, if the meal was last night

If someone is dissecting the bill then it’s hardly awkward to question their maths. As soon as the bill arrived the fact that you were all treating the birthday girl should have been raised. If you’d just split the bill by four it would have been a lot less hassle and £42.50 per person when you’re treating someone else too isn’t that expensive a night out. Who earns what is irrelevant, you can either afford to go out or you can’t and if money is that tight then it’s your silence that has left you out of pocket.