Page 16 | It’s important for me to date intellectuals

TheRightDecisions · 2023-01-15T20:42:44+00:00

So I’m in a lesbian fledgling relationship, just a few months. Today, my partner said that it had always been extremely important to her that she date what she called “intellectuals”. The thing is, I’m certain not one and never claimed to be… She also said that her friend had told her she was being shallow to put an emphasis on that and that she should consider an emotional connection and some who is good and kind and sweet to her… basically her friend encouraged her to open her mind to dating me, my partner said. I feel mortified and have ended the relationship today. I told her I did not want to be settled for, and that I didn’t want to be anyone’s compromise. Apparently her former partners were high flying career “intellectuals”. I feel deeply wounded and made to feel as though I’m not good enough or lesser than. Am I being unreasonable? My partner has said this is an extreme over reaction and I have said awful things and am being very harsh and judgemental, and she herself feels deeply hurt now. Please help with some of your view points, or some comforting words. Thank you!

Eyerollcentral · 18/02/2023 22:44

TheRightDecisions · 18/02/2023 22:39

Thank you for your support and patience throughout this, @Eyerollcentral, I really appreciate it. It’s very helpful to see it from your objective point of view.

I’m going to go to bed and prepare for the busy week ahead which from Sunday through to Sunday will keep me run off my feet. This will be very fortunate timing and just what I needed. Couldn’t have planned it better if I knew this were coming… when something/someone like this happens, make yourself as busy as heck!

….AND BLOCK!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 18/02/2023 23:51

She has a respectable job and a respectable reputation, I don’t see her ruining that after all this time at her age by doing mad crazy stuff!

Bet you fifty notes that she's done all her adult life and nobody has ever let it be known exactly how manipulative and frankly abusive she is in intimate relationships - precisely because people see her public persona of being so very, very respectable.

'Who's ever going to believe what you say?'

'What? No, I can't believe that of her, she wouldn't do a thing like that, you must have misunderstood she's already told us in private that you're actually a bit hysterical, get funny notions and tell some terrible lies'

'How could you say that about me? I'd never do that, why would I, I'm so well respected, and saying such wicked things would destroy me, gasp - HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH A TERRIBLE THING?' (hyperventilates, wails, howls and claws at the carpet)

'Of course I haven't been making silent calls, bombarding you with emails, hanging out around where you work, only crazy people do that. You must be imagining it - are you quite well?'

'Oh, her, so very sad, I tried to make it work but she turned out to be quite mad and said she was going to destroy my reputation'.

and to the next victim 'Of course this is all in your head, look, I'm still in contact with xxx, see, isn't she pretty? Do you really think that she'd be in contact with me if I had ever done anything like your terrible accusations? Now, have you considered seeing anybody about your mental health?'

Eyerollcentral · 19/02/2023 00:12

NeverDropYourMooncup · 18/02/2023 23:51

She has a respectable job and a respectable reputation, I don’t see her ruining that after all this time at her age by doing mad crazy stuff!

Bet you fifty notes that she's done all her adult life and nobody has ever let it be known exactly how manipulative and frankly abusive she is in intimate relationships - precisely because people see her public persona of being so very, very respectable.

'Who's ever going to believe what you say?'

'What? No, I can't believe that of her, she wouldn't do a thing like that, you must have misunderstood she's already told us in private that you're actually a bit hysterical, get funny notions and tell some terrible lies'

'How could you say that about me? I'd never do that, why would I, I'm so well respected, and saying such wicked things would destroy me, gasp - HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH A TERRIBLE THING?' (hyperventilates, wails, howls and claws at the carpet)

'Of course I haven't been making silent calls, bombarding you with emails, hanging out around where you work, only crazy people do that. You must be imagining it - are you quite well?'

'Oh, her, so very sad, I tried to make it work but she turned out to be quite mad and said she was going to destroy my reputation'.

and to the next victim 'Of course this is all in your head, look, I'm still in contact with xxx, see, isn't she pretty? Do you really think that she'd be in contact with me if I had ever done anything like your terrible accusations? Now, have you considered seeing anybody about your mental health?'

Yes completely correct, all of this

Original poster

TheRightDecisions · 19/02/2023 08:48

NeverDropYourMooncup · 18/02/2023 23:51

She has a respectable job and a respectable reputation, I don’t see her ruining that after all this time at her age by doing mad crazy stuff!

Bet you fifty notes that she's done all her adult life and nobody has ever let it be known exactly how manipulative and frankly abusive she is in intimate relationships - precisely because people see her public persona of being so very, very respectable.

'Who's ever going to believe what you say?'

'What? No, I can't believe that of her, she wouldn't do a thing like that, you must have misunderstood she's already told us in private that you're actually a bit hysterical, get funny notions and tell some terrible lies'

'How could you say that about me? I'd never do that, why would I, I'm so well respected, and saying such wicked things would destroy me, gasp - HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH A TERRIBLE THING?' (hyperventilates, wails, howls and claws at the carpet)

'Of course I haven't been making silent calls, bombarding you with emails, hanging out around where you work, only crazy people do that. You must be imagining it - are you quite well?'

'Oh, her, so very sad, I tried to make it work but she turned out to be quite mad and said she was going to destroy my reputation'.

and to the next victim 'Of course this is all in your head, look, I'm still in contact with xxx, see, isn't she pretty? Do you really think that she'd be in contact with me if I had ever done anything like your terrible accusations? Now, have you considered seeing anybody about your mental health?'

Funny you should say that about how exs come into this… in our earliest days of dating, out of the blue one day, she wanted me to meet one of her exs. I told her I felt we were still enjoying getting to know each other and still getting comfortable with one another (as a couple rather than friends). Since it was such early days, it might have been the first week or second, I wanted to take our time and enjoy spending precious weekend days becoming more familiar with each other first.

She seemed more excited and focused on that meeting and the disappointment it wasn’t happening, rather than the nice things I was I was saying about us and how I wanted our relationship to unfold.

The thing I didn’t see at the time at all and can see clearly now is that she spoiled both Christmas and New Year for me. I won’t go into the details so much, but she was so wish washy and indecisive about what was going to happen and mixing various groups and individuals into the bowl that in the end it wasn’t special due to lack of proper organisation and planning or time allotted to this in advance.

I had heard certain types are not ones for marking special occasions with any flare… I’m just glad I didn’t spend a birthday with her, and that I was single for Valentine’s. In the past I would have marked it with some treats of some kind - I love a bit of romance, and not just on Valentine’s Day.

Romantic I think is the very last description I would give of her.

I was blind to a LOT of things. I was on some kind of chemical high and quite oblivious. No longer. Things are clearing, especially in hindsight now.

It’s been helpful for me to unload here so I’m not doing it in the rest of my life. I don’t really discuss her or what has happened.

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