No not everyone has ADHD

[HobnobsChoice]

My sister in law has over the last few months come to the conclusion that she azxnd her child have ADHD. Which they might well do. Certainly my nephew has something going on. Fine, they get their diagnosis and support etc.
But since reading about ADHD she is now claiming almost everyone she knows has ADHD. Both of her parents, both of her exes, one of my kids, her colleague, her former neighbour.

All she talks about is ADHD, traits of ADHD, effects of ADHD. We literally can't have a cup of tea without it being discussed and her suggesting that Person A couldn't do DIY because they probably have ADHD or that person B can't lock a door because they have ADHD. She doesn't seem to realise that someone can just be crap at something without it being indicative od neurodiversity.
Am I being unreasonable to ask her to stop talking about it all the time and remind her that she is a civil servant and in no way qualified to making such sweeping generalisations. And that it's becoming quite frustrating and boring that we no longer talk about anything else. Or is her fixation on this a sign that she probably does have ADHD and she cannot help it.
(To not be accused of drip feeding.She's in her late 30s, a single parent in a responsible role and never had any difficulties at school or university or home which would typically suggest ADHD according to her parents and my husband (her brother). I am aware of masking but they genuinely cannot remember her ever struggling either socially or academically. She's always been employed in either voluntary or public sector and done well in her jobs.)

So boring. Zero attention span available for ADHD chat. Apparently that is one of the traits. couldn't focus on the rest of the answer.

When my friend's son was diagnosed with autism, she went into overdrive and it was ALL she could talk about. She talked at a hundred miles an hour about autism. She read copiously, went on courses, attended seminars. I was shown YouTube clips, TED talks, SEN teaching resources from the school she works in. She had everyone with the slightest trait diagnosed twice over in her head. Then she calmed down. Now we do manage to talk about a variety of subjects😅 I never held it against her, even when I was bored stupid by the endless stream of facts, insights and information, although I have to say I was genuinely interested in it for the first couple of hours! She was processing a lot of stuff.

Well, there's medication. People with ADHD react very differently to stimulants than people without it

Hmm. I can see both sides.

I was diagnosed a couple of years ago just before my 39th and I'm now medicated, it's changed my life. My life was HARD, and had been from my early teens.

I didn't do as well as I should have, or was expected, in school. I dropped out of uni twice. I had no career to speak of and have been in significant debt twice. I was medicated for anxiety and depression from my teens.

Since my diagnosis I have had no episodes of depression, no real anxiety to speak of, I've managed to start a career and have more than doubled my salary in a year. We've just moved into a house I've bought with a mortgage after renting for over a decade, and I now have no unsecured debts.

I've never watched TikTok so I didn't get it from there, in fact I "discovered" it on MN which led me to a private diagnosis.

Getting a diagnosis is life-changing for a lot of people, what you thought you knew about yourself you really didn't.

Although my life has turned around, I still have ADHD and it makes every day harder.

I can understand how frustrating it must be to listen to this person drone on about it, but it won't last forever. She will (eventually!) stop talking about it so much. It's shiny and new, the dopamine fix from her hyperfocusing on it will wear off. A bit!

Or is her fixation on this a sign that she probably does have ADHD and she cannot help it.

Yes. This is an element of hyper focus which is one way that the hyperactivity part of ADHD can present, especially in females. She will be obsessed with ADHD for a few months, and then be on to the next interest.

No, dyslexia isn’t an example of “range of ability in reading”….I don’t know how to even begin to educate you on how ableist and ignorant of a statement this is. It’s like you haven’t read even a single one page leaflet on What is Dyslexia?

👏👏👏👏
Try not to let them get under your skin.

Unbelievable. You think because a relative withheld vital information causing her to be misdiagnosed it was the fault of the medical professional? And from that one incident have extrapolated the conclusion that all medicine is “a farce”?

You don’t seem to understand that unlike an A&E doctor who can see gunshot wounds and easily determine, oh the injury is caused by trauma, a psychiatrist depends on a patient to tell them about mental trauma and they need that information to them know how to treat the symptoms. These are not called invisible disabilities for nothing!

Probably also going to get slain for this but I completely agree. I don't understand how you can have ADHD but not struggled as a child. Either you have symptoms, which are completely out of your control, or you work really hard at masking the symptoms because of the bullying/shame/punishment which then manifests into other issues like depression, eating disorders, breakdowns, etc. It HAS have been present from childhood. I was diagnosed late in life, I did well academically in the things I was interested in but failed catastrophically at others. If my life had depended on it I still would have failed. Because I tried SO hard to fit in, I developed other issues. I'm so sick of posts, friends, of people 'realising' they have ADHD because they now find mundane tasks difficult. Or they're messy, or they're often late. I can bet a lot is due to Lockdown and WFH. ADHD is so much more than organisation and attention. It affects your relationships, your moods, your ability to simply care for yourself, regardless of implications. It's so so hard. It's relentless. Every day is exhausting. I am so fed up of tiktok and reels with 'if you do this you probably have ADHD. No.

Recently I have been seeing so many adverts for adult private diagnosis over the internet for £X, literally selling a diagnosis of a serious dehabilitating condition that significantly shortens your life expectancy. My friend recently had the revelation - after quite unsurprisingly being unable to focus with WFH with kids, dogs, etc. Nothing about their childhood, statements from parents, reviewing medical history. Now they have their private stimulant prescription and it's all fixed. No indications before lockdown and a very normal childhood.

I know and completely understand that ADHD is often diagnosed late in life, particularly in women, and I know many people struggle and are undiagnosed. This is not who I'm talking about. It's like having ADHD and suddenly needing medication to function is trendy and now about 1 in 4 people have it, which I just cannot believe. Sorry if this makes me a complete bellend.

P.s. I have ADHD. I'm not gatekeeping and I'm not jealous or resentful or whatever. But I am so so sick of it being turned into this thing that everyone has because they can't pay attention in a teams meeting or hates doing their laundry. It completely belittles and undermines the condition which is fucking horrible and a relentless exhausting slog to simply exist. Why anyone would want ADHD baffles me, I hate it and who it has made me with all my soul.

Although give me a creative project and a deadline and I'll absolutely smash it... There are some good sides.

@yellowcourgette I completely agree. If it ain't there in childhood, you don't have it! I'm shocked people can get a diagnosis without any supporting information, just their own self reported 'symptoms'. I am good friends with two people who were diagnosed in childhood, one was incredibly bright but incapable of not interrupting, shouting out the answer or talking incessantly, one was an absolute nightmare (his words), running around, jumping out of windows, stapling his ear but also very emotional, crying often, huge anxiety about things. They're lovely now and have been medicated for years but my god can you tell when they haven't taken their meds. From my work with small children, the majority of presumed adhd kids quite noticeably struggle with school, either with the school work or the social side. I'm sorry but if you just muddled along, had an even temper, did well in all subjects across the board and could generally do what the other kids did without it boiling up at some point every day and causing you to meltdown, then I think you probably don't have it.

I’m sorry but you’re out of date with your view that ADHD must be present in childhood. That’s simply not the case as it is now well recognised that late onset ADHD and acquired ADHD exist.

I have absolutely no training in this area, but all I can say is that I know four people IRL who are formally diagnosed with ADHD (age range 12-23) and take medication. Even without any prior knowledge, even ignorant me recognized some behavioral differences when spending time with them, especially prior to their diagnoses and medication (I've known them all for years, the youngest since they were tiny).

OP, I don't personally know anyone who has tried to label themselves or others as having ADHD without a formal diagnosis, but I do have a friend who is convinced that her son is autistic, without a diagnosis. Neither his teachers nor any medical professionals nor teachers have ever backed her up on this supposition, but she's convinced. Perhaps she's right, but I suspect he's NT with an anxious Mum, tbh.

I do think there’s a mass diagnosis wannabeism driven largely by social media.

I especially don’t like the ‘If you do X you must be autistic/ADHD’. I think it triggers me because both my kids are ND, one ADHD and one autistic, and I think it belittles and demeans the seriousness and severity of my kids experience.

It’s like saying ‘if you sometimes feel fed up you have clinical depression’. No you don’t.

This. I was like your sister around the time I was diagnosed and just afterwards. It calms down after a while.

@Onnabugeisha www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/abcs-child-psychiatry/201711/adult-onset-adhd-is-usually-something-else?amp
I'm sorry but I completely disagree that adhd or autism can be acquired. The key word is 'neurodevelopment' which means the brain develops differently. As your brain stops developing around 25 I find it very hard to believe that a condition can 'appear' in so many adults all in the same two to three year period.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6610733/
Here's another one

Sorry it's the same study (Sibley et al) but the second article is more detailed.

I agree with your @HammergoHammer ADHD and autism are neurodevelopmental conditions. Unless it was very, very clear that there were significant, and that is the key word for me, significant struggles for the child in early life, then the ADHD or autistic traits are not I think at a level that should receive a diagnosis. Support maybe, but not a clinical diagnosis.

My own personal belief is that what we are experiencing is not a wave of adhd but a new manifestation of a sort of modern depression/mood disorder, brought about by over reliance on technology, social media, climate anxiety, poor diet and lack of community. Thus leading to deterioration in some areas of cognition, forgetfulness, avoidance, impulsivity and substance use/ instant gratification.

This. ADHD is neurodevelopmental and symptoms have to be present before age 12 for a diagnosis.

Trauma and head injuries can cause symptoms similar to ADHD, but they are not ADHD.

Ah, a 2017 article, as I said, you are out of date.
(Btw, while development continues until around 25, our brain never stops changing, it is plastic our entire lives. ADHD isn’t just determined by neurodevelopment into adulthood.)

You’ve confused late onset ADHD with acquired ADHD (will put links for that in another post). Not sure why you’ve added “autism” as I made no mention of ASD at all.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7686687/
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35610630/
www.cambridge.org/core/journals/the-british-journal-of-psychiatry/article/neurodevelopmental-nature-of-attentiondeficit-hyperactivity-disorder-in-adults/782403DAF07FAAED7BDA6A4FC3B4F0C0

You'd think so but I know one person with a confirmed ADHD diagnosis who won't get or accept any help to manage his condition. Instead he uses his condition as an excuse for not doing things he doesn't want to do which currently includes to any form of work, housework or taking any responsibility for his DC. It's very sad.

Trauma and head injuries can cause symptoms similar to ADHD, but they are not ADHD. That’s what they thought in 2014. Again, out of date.

Acquired ADHD
www.cambridge.org/core/journals/european-psychiatry/article/abs/treatment-of-adhd-secondary-to-traumatic-brain-injury/0EC21E21AD0780E50C4F17F9DB37150E
www.additudemag.com/traumatic-brain-injury-adhd-risk-children/
www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/298478

? You just going to ignore actual symptoms then? It’s like you don’t know about all the studies showing trajectories of ADHD in males vs females.

I am constantly told I am inherently messy, by anyone who has been to my house or seen my desk at work. I dislike surfaces with nothing on them.

My in laws house is extremely tidy - nothing is left out (they even put their washing up liquid away in a cupboard when not in use). That sort of minimalist environment makes me feel uncomfortable.