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Original poster

Partners friend sending inappropriate images

160 replies

lucie333 · 15/01/2023 01:26

So me and my partner have got 2 boys together. 3 & 9 months. I'm very hurt by what I've just seen. My iPad was connected to his fb messenger app and when I was watching a film I seen that his friend had sent what I thought was me 14 photos on fb messenger so I clicked on them! It was 14 images of women from our town ( naked) no idea why he has them as he has a girl friend himself! He's out with him now obviously thinking about it. Am I being dramatic thinking I need to leave this relationship?

OP posts:
NeuroWasabi · 15/01/2023 03:46

Do you know that gross men collect photos of women - their partners, ex partners and maybe women they've stolen photos from - and trade them online? I saw a TV program (panorama?) about it. These disgusting, misogynistic POS men then try to find out who the women are, where they live etc and even send the photos or footage to their families. It's unbelievable.

So if I were you, my first concern would be for the women involved. I'd forward the email to your personal email, so you have evidence (it will show where the email originated). I would send the women involved the photos, explain what happened and ask if they're aware of the photos being shared and was it done with their consent. Then, if any of them say no, I'd contact the police, because I think this can be a crime.

For your relationship, I think a lot would depend on whether your partner was OK with the photos being shared with him. I don't think I could stay with someone who'd done that and was OK with it, not just because it's cheating, but because he couldn't know whether the women gave consent for it, so he's showing he's OK with them being abused.

buuuka86 · 15/01/2023 03:58

Yep, save the photos sonewhere. These could indeed be photos taken from Only Fans or similar websites. The friend couod have shared them with your DP to show him how many local girls are on it. Or the answer is much more fucked up. In any case, I'd ask your DP why he was sent them and carefully observe how quickly he thinks on his feet..

Sunset6 · 15/01/2023 04:02

You are assuming the photos are genuine but if they are all people you know, the chances are they are deepfakes (ie somebody’s face has been applied to a separate naked image from the net) and the friend has generated them using an app

HarperHelper · 15/01/2023 04:09

I heard there are sites which upload photos of their girlfriends etc. and guys work together to try a get a naked shot on every woman they know and they all share them. It sounds something like that. How would he get intimate photos of so many women without coordination?

HarperHelper · 15/01/2023 04:09

@Sunset6 thats all a strong possibility.

Nosejobent · 15/01/2023 04:15

I think your partners friend is entitled to enjoy his sexual life in whatever (legal!) manner he likes. Personally, if my partner were friends with someone who would keep pictures of naked women and share them, I’d be questioning if this was a shared interest. If it’s not, then there must be other e compelling reasons to stay friends with someone who shares naked pictures of women, presumably without their consent.

MsDogLady · 15/01/2023 05:18

Lucie, in July you told your P to leave because he was repeatedly searching and looking at a particular woman’s revealing photos on FB. You felt highly disrespected. This was shortly after you gave birth to your new baby.

You already had a bad feeling about this woman. During your pregnancy, P had added her to another platform and she had messaged him. He told you he’d deleted her there, but here he was drooling over her FB pictures. He said he had no ‘intentions.’

P’s friend is a misogynistic sleaze who enjoys sharing his arousal with P. He clearly assumed that P would welcome being sent the nudes of these local women. As they were out together when the photos came through, it’s probable that P knew they were in the pipeline…and may have asked for them.

Lucie, under what conditions did you allow P to return?

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 15/01/2023 05:18

lucie333 · 15/01/2023 01:40

Yes he's out with him just now. It's not the first time something like this has happened! I feel like an idiot. No I'm not happy but I wouldn't say that's all his fault, I trust him physically not to cheat, but when he does things like this it makes me sad, makes me question why im not good enough, he knows im very self conscious. When he does things like this I don't want him to touch me sexually. It really affects my mental health

Show quote history

Yuk. That makes my stomach turn. I hate when people on these threads make assumptions...but I'm guessing they're both out together and talking about it and the friend has said he'll send your partner the pics. So disgusting. I think even worse they're passing around pics of people you know. I'd honestly leave a creep like that. Yuk yuk yuk! 🤮

Judgyjudgy · 15/01/2023 05:20

Ladyincrimson · 15/01/2023 01:51

I wouldn’t be happy at all. I’d tell the gf of this friend, I’d have it out with my partner, and I’d be sending messages to all these women to see if they know their personal photos are being passed around like this.

This. I would be devastated to know this was happening to me or someone I cared about.

nomorechoco · 15/01/2023 05:26

Contact the women. Find out if they are aware of it. If not, go to police. Dump boyfriend.

nomorechoco · 15/01/2023 05:29

Dump boyfriend either way. So f***g disrespectful

Planesmistakenforstars · 15/01/2023 05:39

I'd be extremely worried that he's sharing intimate pictures of you with his mates too. Hope he doesn't have any.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 15/01/2023 06:10

There's an old saying with an awful lot of truth to it - "you can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep".

Sharing nudes of women, clearly without their consent, is the work of a low-life man who has literally zero respect for women. The friend may have sent the pictures but your partner is up to his neck in it. He obviously knows what this friend is like yet still chooses to hang out with him. At best, he lacks the moral fibre to distance himself from people like that. At worst, and more likely, he is like that himself.

As to what you do, only you can decide. I don't think you'll get much mileage out of trying to speak to him and hoping you can change his mindset. You either stay with a man you know objectifies women and has no respect for them or you set higher standards for yourself and who you choose to share your life with.

Fraine · 15/01/2023 06:26

PleaseCleanTheWholeToilet · 15/01/2023 01:34

Can you ask him when he gets home?

Why are there so many ‘naked’ photos of women you know?
Thats unusual surely?

I also find it unusual the friend has naked pictures of 14 women that are from your town.

You don’t seem that shocked by it?

Flowersinspringgrowwild · 15/01/2023 07:07

Fraine · 15/01/2023 06:26

I also find it unusual the friend has naked pictures of 14 women that are from your town.

You don’t seem that shocked by it?

Show quote history

This is what I’m struggling to understand.

Marmite17 · 15/01/2023 07:28

Your partner's friend is a misogynist creep. I'd feel tempted to report images to police but not sure what they would do.
I would question partner as to why it is seen as OK for them to be sent. And check for any comments your partner has made.
Any complicity in this hateful, respectful behavior would be a deal breaker for me. And I suspect there is complicity; partner would be shown the door. Utterly revolting, disgusting behaviour.

lovemelongtime · 15/01/2023 07:28

But your DP hasn't actually dinner anything had he? He received pictures. It's his stupid friend that needs a talking to

Stunningscreamer · 15/01/2023 07:51

lovemelongtime · 15/01/2023 07:28

But your DP hasn't actually dinner anything had he? He received pictures. It's his stupid friend that needs a talking to

If one of my friends started sending me photos of naked men I'd asked them to stop and if they didn't I'd block them. It would be even worse if I suspected it was done without their consent as is probably happening here.

Women are often more private about their bodies being seen so it's even worse for their images to be touted about. I'd consider this friend to be a misogynist and by implication, the boyfriend too. Yuck.

Maray1967 · 15/01/2023 07:59

I would message partner now telling him what you’ve seen and that you’re reporting the sender to the police.
And report him. This has to stop. You don’t know what the context was in which these women were photographed but the photos should not be being circulated.

Hiddenvoice · 15/01/2023 08:04

You need to speak to your husband. What conversation have they had that his friend feels the need to send these to him. These women don’t deserve to have their pictures shared. They have sent them to him (or maybe even someone else) on the hope they be kept private and now this low life is sharing them.
You need to explain to your husband how hurt you are,
doesn’t matter if he is sending them himself, he may have asked for them. Please also explain how awful that his friend is doing this too. It feels like revenge porn in a way.

PonkyPonky · 15/01/2023 08:05

Wouldn’t bother me personally. We were discussing at work the other day if someone we knew were to join only fans then we’d all want to see what they were putting on there. It’s just curiosity when it’s people you know. But you’re allowed to have your own boundaries and if this crosses them then let him know. Once he knows, if he does it again then it’s a problem. Just have a conversation with him about how it makes you feel.

Original poster
lucie333 · 15/01/2023 08:21

I think I might have confused a few people! My apologies. There was 14 photographs only 2 different women

OP posts:
ObsidianBlock · 15/01/2023 08:24

You're going to need to tread carefully. If those women didn't consent to their photos being shared, a crime may have been committed so don't forward them on or anything.

Original poster
lucie333 · 15/01/2023 08:29

update

I have spoken to him he has admitted they were fore his own pleasure! I think you can all guess what that means. I can't spend my life feeling like I'm not good enough, I can't even look at him- he knows this would have hurt me as he knows my boundaries, as I've made it clear when he crossed them before. He knows passing explicit images of women his wrong, and he did it anyway.

OP posts:
Greenfairydust · 15/01/2023 08:30

This is creepy on so many levels.

  • his friend is sharing naked pictures of these women without their consent (and 14 images so it seems this is a real ''hobby'' for him...). This shows complete disrespect for women and their privacy
  • your partner is receiving these so it is very likely that they have been trading images like this for a while
  • he could well be sending pictures of you around too...

Frankly I would take screenshots of the exchange and contact these women & the police.