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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a lot of parenting seems to be this

170 replies

Greengables4 · 14/01/2023 23:33

Wishing time away ' 'only a few years until....'
only a few years until they start school then you'll get your life back a little", "only a few years until the difficult teenage years stop" "only a few years until they're 18 and move out"
Myself and my brother are now adults so my parents are enjoying a sort of childfree life, but this took 33 years to reach.
It's one of the things that puts me off, there seem to be so many difficult stages and a lot of parenting seems to be just waiting until they're 18 and you can get your old life back

OP posts:
Blueeyedgirl21 · 14/01/2023 23:36

Are you saying you’re 33 and your parents have a ‘sort of’ child free life??

I’m totally confused

also I have a 7month old and constantly get told to cherish every moment because it goes so fast so not identifying with what you’re saying at all

Original poster
Greengables4 · 14/01/2023 23:43

My parents have children. Therefore they aren't childfree. However because we're now adults, they're living more once again on their own terms, as if they are child free. That's it..

OP posts:
Icecreamandapplepie · 14/01/2023 23:46

I spent the first 5 years wishing it away
Would gladly freeze time when they're 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Haven't gone beyond that but enjoying it all now and hoping that will continue

OnlyFannys · 14/01/2023 23:46

Dd is 7 and I like this stage, old enough to be relatively independent but lots of fun family stuff to do at the weekends so in that respect I dont think so. I might feel differently when she turns into a moody teenager...

Nicewarmfeet · 14/01/2023 23:46

Lol it's more like only 90 mins till their in bed every day never mind worrying about the years. It's blooming hard work, it makes you vulnerable it makes for a life of more extreme up and downs (generally) than a child free life.
BUT
There are some truly lovely bits. You really learn about yourself and learn you can do more than you ever thought possible when knackered because you love someone else that much. You really really appreciate that free time when you get pockets of it. It's almost like you have to throw in the challenge to make you appreciate your life more.

Parenting really didn't sound appealing to me at all but I went for it at 35 and on balance I'm glad I did even though on paper things don't look great for me (single parent to child with a challenging health condition). I think it's made me a more tolerant patient better person. It's improved my relationship with my own parents. It's taught me to be vulnerable. It's taught me to be more playful. Overall I think I'm a better person for being a parent. But that is only one perspective.

Rainallnight · 14/01/2023 23:48

Not everyone feels that way. I don’t. I definitely wish away difficult periods/phases, and sometimes I’ll wish away a rainy afternoon till bedtime if everyone’s in bad form! But I like being a mum and I’m enjoying my kids’ childhood immensely.

It could be to do with being a very old mum. I waited a long time for this and feel like I had plenty of my old life.

OllytheCollie · 15/01/2023 00:22

I'm sharing a bad with youngest DS tonight. He:s massive and 12, we're just at grannies and this is what works. And I feel poignant because it might well be the last time I share a bed with any of my children. He really is too big. Eldest is 18 so I've had 18 yrs of little and not so little bodies deciding they need a mummy cuddle after a bad dream or because they are poorly or just because so no I don't wish the time away. I suspect your parents don't think of themselves as quite as cjildfree as you think. They might enjoy being able to travel spontaneously or enjoy time together. But I suspect you are still in their thoughts every day. If you tell them about a worry at work or a relationship breakup they will ache for you in a way the hearts do not ache for anyone else on this earth. After you have a child you never get your old life back. Thankfully for most of us most of the time the trade off is just about good enough ...

AnnieFarmer · 15/01/2023 00:28

Never once felt this way. Loved every stage and feel blessed and thankful to have them. They’re teenagers now and if anything, I think of the days when I’d fall asleep next to them on their beds whilst reading to them. But I love this stage, too as teenagers are very funny.

yorkshirepudsx · 15/01/2023 00:33

Not everybody feels this way.

I love each stage of being a parent as I'm in it, I like to feel present and be present with my children. Honestly, I feel sorry for those that wish the years away.

Yes, there are many parts of it that are hard and testing, but I know in years to come I'll look back and probably miss most of it.
Funnily enough I miss the night feeds with my son, at the time there were nights where I wished he'd just sleep - but now I miss those middle of the night cuddles where only me and him where awake.

"The days are slow but the years are fast"

mamabear715 · 15/01/2023 00:34

I've loved it all. It's others who spoil it - or maybe I'm just unconventional!
The hassle of all the school stuff, social workers (ND kids) etc.. the kids themselves? Amazing. :-)
My 'baby' is ND & won't let me cuddle him anymore (he's 21) I MISS my hugs!

yorkshirepudsx · 15/01/2023 00:35

On the back end of that though, there are some things I looks forwards to in a bittersweet way, not in the sense of wishing away what I have today,

But similar to how I miss certain parts of the past, I'm excited to see the people my children become, I'm excited to watch them learn, etc.

But focusing on the now is where it's all at for me, I find it very comforting and 'grounding' to be content with the moment I'm in

mamabear715 · 15/01/2023 00:36

@yorkshirepudsx Wonderful quote.

Luana1 · 15/01/2023 00:37

I've never felt this way OP, I do hear it from friends who have small age gaps between their children though. I imagine having two or more very young children competing for the same resources at the same time must feel relentless.

Jemandthehologramsunite · 15/01/2023 00:38

Gawd, with the current house prices I'm assuming my DC will live with me forever 😣
I do agree with you though, I hate this messy food stage with food being thrown everywhere and can't wait til it's over. Wish I could enjoy every moment, but I don't think I have it in me tbh!

QueefQueen80s · 15/01/2023 00:38

Mine are 5 and 8 and I'm living a full life.

yorkshirepudsx · 15/01/2023 00:40

Luana1 · 15/01/2023 00:37

I've never felt this way OP, I do hear it from friends who have small age gaps between their children though. I imagine having two or more very young children competing for the same resources at the same time must feel relentless.

In June I will have 2 under 2 🙈but I am super excited and can't wait for the love, chaos and family time that is to come.

I have many friends with lots of small children who are very content and happy (one of my friends has 5 under 5! She has a 4 year old, 2 year old twins and 6 months old twins, she absolutely adores it!)
And then I have some friends who have 1 older child who wish the years away,
I guess it depends on all of the factors surrounding it, their lifestyles etc xx

SouperWoman · 15/01/2023 00:47

YABVU having kids is brilliant. Some ages are trickier than others and I was definitely glad when they could wipe their own bums 😂
I’ve got older teens nearing the time they will fly the nest - I’m treasuring every day.

YearoftheDrama · 15/01/2023 00:52

God I spend most of the time lately trying to stop time so we can stay in this bit for longer. My eldest is suddenly the same height as me and I keep thinking I've only got 6 or 7 years until maybe she moves out to university or a job or something. I'm trying to hold on to every moment, not wish them away.

Nosecan · 15/01/2023 01:03

I’m another who wants to stop time. Mine are 7 and 9 and they are wonderful company.

Shesquiteannoying · 15/01/2023 01:21

It’s a weird mix of sometimes wanting this, but more (for me anyway) of wanting time to stand still…or going back to when Dd,4 was younger…it’s v intense and messed up! The love is so strong

saltinesandcoffeecups · 15/01/2023 01:25

I hear you OP… DH and I are getting close to the next stage of our life and I’ve said more than once “I’m fighting the urge to not live for now and focusing on the next stage”.

Sadly, I think we’re sort of programmed to do that. So I think being aware is a good step to fighting it 🙂

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 15/01/2023 01:35

I never felt like that. I mean the first few months are tough and I probably wished to get through that hard part. But after that I never wished them to hurry up and grow up. In fact now that my youngest is 19 I'm kind of sad.

Mumuser124 · 15/01/2023 01:45

I do hear this a lot but can go early say I don’t wish time away. There is the odd occasion when it is half an hour before bed and I’m on count down, but other than that, love having the kids about. I always get sad when school holidays are over.

Mumuser124 · 15/01/2023 01:45
  • honestly
GoT1904 · 15/01/2023 01:51

I'm very guilty of the whole "only an hour left until bedtime" mantra, sometimes when I've had a busy day and I just get to sit down and realise it's almost time for school pick up, I'm a bit gutted 😂 but I don't believe I've ever wished time away in terms of years. The only exception for me is the newborn sleepless phase. I wouldn't change anything about it other than the lack of sleep. So it would be reminding myself that they'd sleep through eventually.

Where have you heard people saying they'd like to wish these times away?