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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a lot of parenting seems to be this

170 replies

Greengables4 · 14/01/2023 23:33

Wishing time away ' 'only a few years until....'
only a few years until they start school then you'll get your life back a little", "only a few years until the difficult teenage years stop" "only a few years until they're 18 and move out"
Myself and my brother are now adults so my parents are enjoying a sort of childfree life, but this took 33 years to reach.
It's one of the things that puts me off, there seem to be so many difficult stages and a lot of parenting seems to be just waiting until they're 18 and you can get your old life back

OP posts:
SD1978 · 15/01/2023 08:12

I think it's the opposite. All this 'slow down little man' shite you see on Facebook because a child is growing up, as they should and are supposed to, and the parents can't handle it

Whoopsies · 15/01/2023 08:12

My two are 3 and 9 and every day I wish I could freeze time. I genuinely think these will be the best years of my life.

MilkyYay · 15/01/2023 08:13

I don't wish the time away. Mine are young (1 preschool 1 infants) and are really lovely. They are so affectionate and we seem to be in a golden era when they both a) think i am amazing/centre of their world but also b) are happy to be at places without me, play independently together etc.

ChaliceinWonderland · 15/01/2023 08:14

@Blufelt I felt like that too when mine were small. Yes of course it depends how much help and support you have locally. As a sinle parent to two tweens, I often cry in the bath at never having a free evening or weeknd off from their demands.

On benefits yet working fulltime, Its a struggle and I get chest pains from the anxeity /exhaustion. I cant wait til they are 18 and ' go away' as I will be almost 60 by them and will need some me time . Sorry for the rant!

Emmacb82 · 15/01/2023 08:16

I echo other posters and I think it depends on how much support you have. Me and my husband have no outer support so we do the childcare between us. The only time I have a break from them is when I’m at work and vice versa. We don’t have date nights, we don’t get to go out on our own so sometimes it does feel like one long slog. However, we chose to bring children into the world knowing this, so I don’t think we wish the years away as such. Sometimes I think we look forward to a time that they are more independent. But they are 6 and 2 at the moment and they are brilliant ages. Bloody hard work at times, but I do think that you get back what you put it. If you expect to be able to sit down and relax whilst the kids are around then you’re having a laugh! But if you get down on your knees and join them, it feels a bit easier.

At the end of the day though, it’s personal to how you feel, and nobody should make you feel guilty for feeling a certain way. It depends on lots of factors, some are out of our control.

TheLastDreamOfTheOak · 15/01/2023 08:19

I definitely felt like this when I had two under two. Exhausting although our life circumstances at the time don't help.
And tbh I feel like it a bit now at times as I've got two teen DD's and it can be pretty rough. I know I will miss them like crazy if and when they move out but at times I could happily volley DD2 and DD1, although mostly lovely, can bring the whole
House down with her bad moods when they come which is frustrating.
I find this stage harder as they can get themselves in real danger but you have to let them go a bit and it's hair raising.
I enjoyed the bits in the middle of those two extremes however.

Fairislefandango · 15/01/2023 08:20

I've never felt like that. Not about a single stage.my dc are now teenagers. Dd will be off to university next year and we'll really miss her, as will ds. It's so weird to think that in a few years time they will both have left home! As for wanting to get my child-free life back... I'm really not sure what there is that I'd want to be doing that I can't do now- it's not as if my teenagers really need much in the way of active parenting!

Babyclb · 15/01/2023 08:22

It's one of the things that puts me off, there seem to be so many difficult stages and a lot of parenting seems to be just waiting until they're 18 and you can get your old life back
I don’t know anyone who wishes their children were 18 already.

DazzlePaintedBattlePants · 15/01/2023 08:23

Icecreamandapplepie · 14/01/2023 23:46

I spent the first 5 years wishing it away
Would gladly freeze time when they're 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Haven't gone beyond that but enjoying it all now and hoping that will continue

This, in spades

Zippedydoo123 · 15/01/2023 08:24

Children do not routinely move out at 18.

you can start going out once they are 15. Even 13 a l ittle.

Hippomumma · 15/01/2023 08:27

Being a Mum is tough but then they smile and giggle at you and everything is ok (mine is 13 months) - all crying and sleepless nights forgotten about. Worth every second and I cherish each moment with him, not wish it away.

Goldbar · 15/01/2023 08:27

A lot of parenting is waiting around though... waiting at swimming lessons, waiting at football or gym pick-up, waiting for medical appointments, waiting at the school gate.

Or rushing around... rushing to do the school run before work, rushing to activities, rushing back to pick up from school or afterschool club.

So large chunks of it are quite boring and stressful and you're so busy focusing on someone else's needs that yours do tend to get pushed out the way unless you have a lot of help.

I'm not wishing it away but it will be nice eventually to have more time for me.

Leothebear · 15/01/2023 08:31

I have sometimes wished a bad day would end, like when they are sick.

But i am loving every stage so far.
Loved the newborn smeell and bliss
Loved the happy baby loves mama phase
Loved the toddler finds their voice phase
Loved listening to a kid telling about their dreams or their friend
Loved watching them learn how to write

It is all a crazy miracle and i feel so lucky.
I always think that we celebrate a lot of "firsts" like the first step or the first word or the first time riding a bike etc but life is also full of the "lasts". Last time breastfeeding. Last time falling asleep in your arms. Last time carrying them up the stairs. Last time they will misspell words in the sweetest way.

I love you R and M, this post is making me feels all the feels.

89redballoons · 15/01/2023 08:33

I don't feel like this at all and we're in a "difficult" phase - opinionated 3 year old and 9 month old trying to walk. I'm still on maternity leave for another 4 months and I'm trying to make the most of every day. No way do I want them to be 18 yet! They're both so funny and cute. They make my heart sing. Yes, even when they're crying at 3am or having a tantrum. Everything is a phase but that doesn't mean I want the phases to end.

I did have a very fun, carefree life before children but I don't think I'll ever get it back. Being a parent changes you, it changes your relationships and by the time my kids leave home I'll be about 55, so obviously I won't go back to living the life of a childless 32 year old. That's ok though, my kids are worth it.

oiwiththepoodlesalready83 · 15/01/2023 08:33

On reflection I wished away the newborn/baby stage with both of my DC (especially my DC2 who has SEN) but once they got to around 3/3.5 years old parenting was much more enjoyable and for longer periods! Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t hate every second of the early stages but IME something clicked once they hit pre-school age, plus feeling back to “myself” and having more sleep!

pancakemorning · 15/01/2023 08:34

Loved the post birth baby bubble. Such a love filled high with a perfect baby bundle asleep on my chest! But honestly after that I found a lot of baby stage to around age two really resting. I loved my child so much but had no village and a husband working long hours so was exhausted as was doing most of it myself and I was also bored by the relentlessness of it all. Once they got to 2.5 it started to get better and better and I really started to enjoy it. From 3 on I wanted time to slow down as loved it so much. We only have one child though we just can't go through the first two years again our marriage and finances just couldn't take it.

XanaduKira · 15/01/2023 08:35

AnnieFarmer · 15/01/2023 00:28

Never once felt this way. Loved every stage and feel blessed and thankful to have them. They’re teenagers now and if anything, I think of the days when I’d fall asleep next to them on their beds whilst reading to them. But I love this stage, too as teenagers are very funny.

This is me also.

Some days can be long and stressful but overall, each stage is wonderful and to be cherished.

As they say - The days are long, but the years fly by! Enjoy every minute!

pancakemorning · 15/01/2023 08:36

Really testing not testing. I was rarely resting which was the issue

Supertatato · 15/01/2023 08:36

I don't wish my kids away at all, the youngest will be starting nursery soon and I don't want her to go 😭parenting is hard though and it's not for everyone. You never know how it will be until you do it and by then of course it's too late!

Cherrydropsandchocolatemice · 15/01/2023 08:36

I know what you mean op but I don't think it's like that really.

I mean personally I found the newborn and toddler stage quite hard but the primary school years wonderful and would gladly freeze time. The teenage years are completely neutral to me. It's fine and I'm certainly not wishing it away but it isn't the most fabulous part so far.

Overall I love being a parent more than anything else I've ever done, but of course it can be difficult.

Noimaginationforaun · 15/01/2023 08:37

I don’t feel like that personally. In fact, the opposite a lot of the time of wanting time to slow down. LO is adopted and we waited a long time for them. They’re now 3 and it’s just such a wonderful age. So curious, chatty, having opinions, getting excited for things like holidays and Christmas, learning every day.
Is every day the best day ever? Nope. Some hours are very hard! Some days we are all just grumpy! I think it depends on the person and the family!

Mylittlesandwich · 15/01/2023 08:40

DS is only 3 but I don't feel like this. I feel like time is marching on without my permission. To be fair I hated the newborn stage, I had awful PND and anxiety and was pleased when that was over. Baby and toddler DS however has been a challenging delight. He's so sweet and funny, you never know what he's going to come out with next. Every milestone he hits is so bittersweet, I'm so proud of him but it's also another first that we'll never have again.

Eatentoomanyroses · 15/01/2023 08:41

I’m guilty of this. Finding 2 year old stage pretty hard but no support and dh works long hours so think that makes more difficult.

cptartapp · 15/01/2023 08:49

I certainly wished the pre school years away. Simply because we never got a break. After that it's been great. All of it. And they're 20 and 17 now. DS1 went back to uni yesterday and I would have quite happily have him stay and be around.
DH and I will be holidaying alone soon regularly out of term time for the first time in 20 years, but I can't imagine it will ever be as good as the many holidays we took as a family of four. They are my best memories.

Weddi · 15/01/2023 08:51

It’s difficult to enjoy the early years though. They are exhausting and relentless, it’s easy to look forward to an easier time when they don’t wake you up 500 times every night and you don’t feel like death 24/7.