To think a lot of parenting seems to be this

[Greengables4]

Wishing time away ' 'only a few years until....'
only a few years until they start school then you'll get your life back a little", "only a few years until the difficult teenage years stop" "only a few years until they're 18 and move out"
Myself and my brother are now adults so my parents are enjoying a sort of childfree life, but this took 33 years to reach.
It's one of the things that puts me off, there seem to be so many difficult stages and a lot of parenting seems to be just waiting until they're 18 and you can get your old life back

Even through colic and teething I always felt a keen sense of this would be gone and past in a fleeting second and indeed it has, my teething baby is now 7

How we experience time depends on how much stuff changes around us. The reason the early years “fly by” is because we’re spending out lives repeating the same mostly monotonous tasks/days again and again and again : )

My experience is the exact opposite. I wish time would slow down or ideally go back. My DS is 10 and I'm going through a quiet grieving period at the moment because I wish I could go back and do all of the last 10 years over. Even with all of the utter shit my XH put me through and even though there is a definite part of me looking forward to the near future when I can have a hell of a lot less to do with him. And even though I have a hobby that I consider part of my identity and other hobbies that I adore and don't have enough time for. So I know I'll enjoy much about being somewhat freer when DS is a teen. Maybe when he is a little older again start thinking about having a romantic/sexual relationship, which just isn't a complication I want while DS is still dependant on me. (And I have a very high sex drive so this enforced celibacy will be fantastic to shed.)

But I'd give anything to go back. I suspect that the absolute best years of my life are coming to an end. And as much as I have ensured (as much as possible) that I have lots to look forward to over the rest of my life. I love being the mother of a child more than anything else in the world. And I get that it's magic is it's brevity, you are introducing a new person to the world and teaching them how to be. It's temporary by design because it's purpose is to help this new person flourish and when you succeed, they don't need you in the same way. So it can't be forever. I just wish that somehow, it could.

It is simultaneously wishing time away and wishing time would stop still. So much love for the present. So much excitement for the future. Also a lot of exhaustion

Can you post the part where I said I’ve never had a difficult time with my children?

I’ll answer for you; you can’t; I didn’t. I said not all children do all the things on the list you provided.

This is how I feel (5yo and baby). It's just so, so busy and will only get busier when I'm back at work. It's not awful and I'm not depressed or anxious about it but meeting their needs (by myself for most of the time) leaves me with precious little time to meet any of my own needs. It is both easier and harder, I think, than the toddler/baby combo, which looks very challenging. Easier because the older one is a little more self-sufficient and you don't have to chase after them screaming 'stop' when you're near busy roads. Nor the constant entertaining of two at home all day, since you get a break when the older one is at school. But harder because there's the relentlessness of the school run, organising uniform and packed lunches, school admin, playdates, activities and class parties etc. Alongside a small baby demanding constant attention.

Lol it's more like only 90 mins till their in bed every day never mind worrying about the years.

Literally😂

My DS wasn't the best sleeper but he never did any of the rest of it. And as much as being woken through the night absolutely sucked (literally and figuratively as he was waking to breastfeed) it was also kind of amazing. I used to be soooo tired but it was a good kind of tired, a little like being nicely stoned. Almost every moment of parenting was wonderful. My life outside of parenting had gone to absolute shit but I rarely ever really felt any of that on the emotional level that I otherwise would have. DS and I were existing as this amazing dyad which protected me and gave me the strength I needed to make the choices that kept him, and me by extension, safe.

I love being a mam.

I think this is partly why I’ve separated with my Ex. A small part anyway. It’s relentless. There is no time off. It’s just a complete slog. At least with us doing 50/50 I will have some time for business and for myself. This will help me be much more tolerant and ultimately a better I think!

I do actually love being a mum, but having no time off, and relatively little support is excruciating.

^^ ultimately a better mum

It isn't that way for me. Mine are teens now and I've really enjoyed it so far. I've loved every stage and so far they are fantastic teens, really great to be around. I expect they will be here until at least they leave university so a good few years yet and I'm not counting down all. They are welcome here until they are ready to go. It never really seems popular here but parenthood just suited me, even though ds has asd and adhd and we had zero family support, I've still found it easy and instinctive. We've always all gotten along so well even when they small I found them great company, they've always been funny and fun to be around. I just really like being a parent and watching them grow has been a pleasure.

Maybe cos I had mine in my 40s, but I really have just tried to enjoy the different phases.

I didn’t love the newborn stage. Since they were about 6 months old though my main feeling has been “oh this is a great age, I wish you didn’t have to get any bigger.” And then they get a bit bigger and I think “No THIS is a great age.” If anything I’d turn back time and do it all again, definitely not wishing away the years until they leave home.

There are elements of that perhaps but isn’t that a cultural thing- we’re all trained to be looking out for the next trend / purchase / opportunity and terrible at living in the now. Personally I loved it when mine were small and feel sad that some of them are increasingly independent (we have sen in the mix), although I’m obvious glad as well, I just miss those days.

I can identify a little, there were certainly stages I didn’t enjoy as much (non sleeping babies!) but Im having a largely great time now they are both at primary school age. For me this is where parenting has come into what I always imagined the most when having kids - having fun adventures, sharing films and things I enjoyed when I was a kid. Helping them read and learn. Yes things will again be easier when they can get their own breakfast without spilling milk everywhere, or we can go on long flights with no chances of a tantrum, but I’m definitely not wishing this time away.

I’ve never felt like this. If anything the opposite - amazed sadness at how fast it goes. I’m not saying there haven’t been difficult times and we’ve not got the teenage years yet so I may change my time but in the main I’ve loved it (I don’t miss the sleepless nights and breast feeding was hard work and toddlers are exhausting but you love them so much you don’t begrudge it)

I hope your parents are making the most of it, OP, because as I discovered, those grown-up children can suddenly boomerang back to the family home at any time ... .
Then after that stage, serious relationships and grandchildren come along and there can be more pressure to be involved than you ever imagined ... .

I hate to tell you this, but sometimes the stresses once your children are grown just seem to keep growing too, because you never stop worrying about them, even though they are independent adults. In some ways it is worse than when you had full responsibility for them.

It is often said that, you are only ever as happy as your unhappiest child. What they should say is that you will always be just as stressed/worried as your most stressed/ worried child, however old they are, and that then extends to grandchildren too. The sleepless nights never end!

That said, none of us mention any of the stresses to my very elderly mother, who is great grandmother to the youngest generation. Perhaps that is the stage to look forward to.

each stage has good/bad bits. i have 4 kids in 6 years and spent 12/13 consecutive years wiping pooey bums. for at least 1 year wiping 4 pooey bums. and i'm a sahm so i did the vast majority of it. that's not exactly fun.
i like that my kids can now wipes their own bums, i like that they can reach light-switches, open doors, make their own sandwiches etc.
they're harder work in other ways, but yes, i'm glad the labour-intensive part is over.

I spent and spend a lot of my DCs life wishing they'd stop getting any older even though they're now an adult.

Your poor kids. No, apart from sometimes wishing for bedtime, no, that’s not what a lot of parenting is about. I do wonder why some people bother having kids.

I think it’s normal to have bits you dislike about newborn, toddler, pre school, primary school, teenage years. It’s not normal to hate it all and wish it all away though. You’ll wish they were teens, then when they’re teens you’ll wish they were little again. Parenting has its ups and downs, and anyone who says they loved every second are lying. To themselves as much as everyone else. We all have bad days, but the ups far outweigh the downs. No one would have more than one child if it really was that unbearable.

Yes! I don't get all these people who love every moment, I wish I was like this but find it excruciatingly mundane most of the time, as well as exhausting. My DC is gorgeous and I love them, but I had no idea how bored I'd be. I miss:
Sleeping in
Going out with friends
Being spontaneous
Spending time with my husband
Weekends away
Long holidays abroad
Adventures
Having loads of disposable income
A clean house
Fancy restaurants
Sex!
Having an empty mind to think
Being able to properly relax
Having time just for me
Freedom
My career
Etc
I don't think I could be without him, but had no idea just what a huge lifestyle change it would be. Yes you can still do things but its not the same, I'm hoping things get better once they start school. I miss my old life so much. The sacrifice is huge. My DC is also super chilled and easy, I don't know how some mums even manage. All mothers deserve a bloody medal 🏅 👏

That's so sad why bother having kids if you feel like that? If you don't think they're a joyful adventure just don't do it. Sure it's not for everyone but apart from prices for holidays out of term time which is totally depressing it's been one long fantastic experience and I've never had a second when I wished them gone

I've seen lots of your replies to others basically slagging them off for being positive like you assume they're all lying. Well that's a real shitty attitude because some people genuinely have nothing but positive attitude and have been lucky ith their lives don't be a bitch just because you don't feel the same

Oh! Yes, that stoned, out-of-it feeling. That’s it. DD woke hourly but I was genuinely less tired on maternity with her – time passed in a benign blur of colicky evenings and endless wakeups and day after day trying to get her to nap, but I had nothing else to do except gaze at her, and eat cake, and go for big walks with the sling, and just exist with her. It’s genuinely harder and more tiring now she sleeps but I have to balance parenting with full-time work.

Once I realised she was going to wake at night no matter what I did, I genuinely didn’t mind the night wakings; we just stumbled through them together and I was almost a little bereft by the time I gave up breastfeeding and night weaned her. The end of an era; the same feeling as missing your kid once they’re in bed, even though them being in bed means you can have wine and sweary telly.