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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To despair at the NHS re hospital scan

420 replies

Jessandtess · 14/01/2023 12:41

This is part AIBU part desperate plea for advice.

i am currently 37 weeks pregnant and having a c-section in 13 days time. Im having regular growth scans and need one before the section goes ahead, which my consultant has insisted on. And he needs it done before our pre op appt late next week.

I’ve had childcare fall through for DD18 months so can no longer make my planned 38 week scan date, I’ve called to rearrange and been told scans are like gold dust and they can’t offer me a different date until the 2nd of March! Which is a teeny bit late.

I’ve asked if they can wave the no children coming with you rule since I need the scan, it’s not really a case of being able to just cancel and leave it. But alas the reply I got from the lady at the hospital was ‘well you’re just going to have to figure something out, you can’t not have the scan and we can’t get a different date’

DH is currently in hospital and will be for the next week at least (had a mini stroke) my mum was due to have DD but has had to cancel, I have no one else to take her and local childcare options are slim to none (and need more notice than I can give)

AIBU to wonder how on earth there is no wiggle room for such situations re taking a child into a scan, or to not quite believe there aren’t appts held back for emergencies, I had to go to maternity triage a couple of months ago and had a scan performed within 20 mins, not in the formal scan rooms but an ultrasound was conducted and they could see and measure all the same shit. I’m just a bit confused at the response being ‘well you have to come for the scan so figure something out’ response, and it was said like that (the lady was quite curt)

Onto the advice, what would you do in this situation? I’m genuinely flummoxed.

OP posts:
Justalittlebitduckling · 14/01/2023 16:07

Same.

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 14/01/2023 16:09

This is all so wrong.

We all have to protect the NHS and to do our best not to bother them, this is the message we have drilled in us.

It should be the other way round, the NHS, which is financed by us, has to protect Us.

They way they treat patients is as if they are doing them a favour by giving them an appointment.

Catcharolo · 14/01/2023 16:09

quite honestly I wouldn’t have asked…! Would have just brought her and said my childcare had fallen through that morning. A toddler strapped in a buggy is fine in a scan. Mine were all 20months apart and came with me for scans. Dh at work and no family, friends either working or had 2 or more tiny ones of their own. Not once did the staff mention a thing.

Catcharolo · 14/01/2023 16:11

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 14/01/2023 16:09

This is all so wrong.

We all have to protect the NHS and to do our best not to bother them, this is the message we have drilled in us.

It should be the other way round, the NHS, which is financed by us, has to protect Us.

They way they treat patients is as if they are doing them a favour by giving them an appointment.

Agree and that’s why I go
privste if I can. Not because the care is any better but because im
sick of always having to act so flippin grateful!

Augend23 · 14/01/2023 16:11

I would just take the toddler and not comment unless someone else does.

If they did I would apologise, explain my husband had had a stroke and my mum was a witness in court and given the scan was a medical necessity I had no other options, being polite and friendly the whole time.

Yerroblemom1923 · 14/01/2023 16:12

Don't just rock up with your child as they may refuse to see you. What about other parents at playgroups you go to with your toddler? Are you on a village WhatsApp v group? If so reach out to them for a babysitter or just someone who could sit with your little one in the car while you're having your scan. Or what about seeing if she can go into nursery for the day?

georgarina · 14/01/2023 16:14

2bazookas · 14/01/2023 15:31

I'd ask a neighbour or friend to mind the child , or pay a sensible teenager or student.

Surely if any of these people existed in OP's life she would have thought of that

Augend23 · 14/01/2023 16:14

I just really think the likelihood of them refusing a medically necessary scan after the OP explains her circumstances and they have the prospect of annoying the consultant as well is really extremely low, especially if the OP is prepared to push back if they try, and escalates it to more senior people while being really polite.

bellac11 · 14/01/2023 16:14

Jessandtess · 14/01/2023 13:49

Thank you for these, will try them out.

Have put requests through childcare and babysitters.com sites and nothing so got nothing to lose!

It’s annoyingly at an awkward time (14:30) so all my ‘mum’ friends with DD have older kids in school that need picking up, the teens that live next door (who’d be perfect for this imo) are in school themselves and due to how long sometimes it takes to be seen at the scans I couldn’t even guarantee people would be free at 15:30 to collect from late school club!

Show quote history

Im not sure I understand this bit, why cant the mum friends take your daughter with them to the school pick up, if they have her all afternoon then it doesnt matter if you're delayed

MrsWhites · 14/01/2023 16:15

Wittyend · 14/01/2023 16:05

@MrsWhites actually laughed out loud when I read the vicar comment. Honestly wonder what planet some of these people are living on 🤣

Imagine getting that call if you were a vicar!

The OP has probably run away from this thread incase someone suggests she deliver her own baby instead of bothering the NHS!

Catcharolo · 14/01/2023 16:17

They won’t refuse to see you. This rule is always in place but there’s not really a particularly important reason other than overcrowding in waiting room and distracting the sonographer. If your child is placed she won’t do that and one buggy won’t overcrowd the room.

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 14/01/2023 16:18

Catcharolo · 14/01/2023 16:11

Agree and that’s why I go
privste if I can. Not because the care is any better but because im
sick of always having to act so flippin grateful!

Show quote history

We shouldn't have to though. I know I pay enough into the pot and can never get an appointment when I need it.

I when I do get one, I have to be eternally grateful and genuflect at their altar.

Hayliebells · 14/01/2023 16:19

"To despair at the Tories re hospital scan"
There you go, fixed it for you. I'm surprised you're expecting there to be capacity in the NHS so they can rearrange your appointment at your convenience, given the current crisis. Doesn't really matter if it's ante-natal care, or A&E, there isn't enough capacity for the usual level of demand, let alone spare capacity. Is it really really that impossible to get childcare? To get someone to come with you to the appointment so that they can watch your child? Even if you're paying them? They don't need to be childcare professional. I just don't get how it's that hard to sort something.

diddl · 14/01/2023 16:21

Im not sure I understand this bit, why cant the mum friends take your daughter with them to the school pick up, if they have her all afternoon then it doesnt matter if you're delayed

I might have missed it but perhaps Op hasn't liked to ask friends for what she might consider to be too big a favour?

It's something that I would do for a friend.

I live in a small town, walking distance to school so it would be easy.

Maybe not the case for Op's mum friends.

It also used to be allowed to take children in.

I remember taking my oldest when I needed growth scans for the 2nd.

There certainly wasn't a creche!

Quveas · 14/01/2023 16:22

ExtraOnions · 14/01/2023 13:02

This will be unpopular … but I would just rock up with the 18 month old, plead ignorance … they aren’t going to send you home once you are there.

Yes, yes they are going to refuse the scan if you do this. And it will be your fault.

supercatlady · 14/01/2023 16:24

Have you tried to contact the consultants secretary? Not had this experience but similar with childrens procedures and the consultant could always resolve it. I’ve also had a health visitor accompany me on an appointment before but I suspect those days are long gone xx

Janch13 · 14/01/2023 16:25

Stick to your guns. Child comes with you or scan is rearranged. I had a similar thing for my 20 week scan, my consultant said it HAD to be before X date and was arranging, only for a family funeral to fall on the same day. When I requested to change it they said there were no appointments available for 2 weeks! There was nothing I could do and I was prepared to miss the scan date (as I had a private scan so was v confident there was no issues). I called every day for 4 days hoping a cancellation would free up another slot and eventually they did give me another appointment although they did ask why I couldn’t make it and made me feel awful about it.

You could go for a private scan for your own peace of mind. Ask your consultant specifically what needs to be checked and you can feed back. Otherwise just insist the date is moved or say you’ll be turning up with your child.

ItWasDobbinAtTheMareAndSpare · 14/01/2023 16:26

harrysbeard · 14/01/2023 13:16

You should "despair" at you lack of childcare not the NHS.
You sound very entitled.

No, she sounds like a heavily pregnant woman whose husband recently has a stroke. You, however…

BabyFour2023 · 14/01/2023 16:27

You need childcare sorting; what are you going to do for the C-section ?

Can you book a private scan?

Puckthemagicdragon · 14/01/2023 16:31

Go and take your child.

Carriemac · 14/01/2023 16:31

A private scan may not be appropriate for this situation, you may need a specialist sonographer depended on what they are looking for

lieselotte · 14/01/2023 16:34

harrysbeard · 14/01/2023 13:16

You should "despair" at you lack of childcare not the NHS.
You sound very entitled.

Oh nonsense, why does everyone on MN expect everyone to have a widespread support network, it isn't that easy. I bet most of you would be "too busy" if the OP asked you!

The section will not go ahead without the scan, I can’t Labour naturally, so I’m not sure what they expect to happen well the section will go ahead because it will have to. How else is the baby going to come out?

Your mum can take the baby to court with her. If they have summonsed her, they'll have to lump it.

Bluekerfuffle · 14/01/2023 16:36

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/01/2023 13:25

Good for you and st Thomas, but the OP’s hospital doesn’t allow children in.

Show quote history

The point is there is no reason for them not to allow it in the circumstances. If one hospital can do it, why is it so impossible for another one to do it, even just once in a while, for cases such as this?

gruffalosgrandma · 14/01/2023 16:37

Reach out to your local C of E church mothers union group. I’m pretty sure they would be more than happy to help….I know ours would. Mostly experienced grandmas too.

Pinetreesfall · 14/01/2023 16:38

I'm confused as to why you can't organise childcare. There are so many places that offer childcare either through agencies or checked through childcare websites. With enough organisation you could sort this surely?