To despair at the NHS re hospital scan

[Jessandtess]

This is part AIBU part desperate plea for advice.

i am currently 37 weeks pregnant and having a c-section in 13 days time. Im having regular growth scans and need one before the section goes ahead, which my consultant has insisted on. And he needs it done before our pre op appt late next week.

I’ve had childcare fall through for DD18 months so can no longer make my planned 38 week scan date, I’ve called to rearrange and been told scans are like gold dust and they can’t offer me a different date until the 2nd of March! Which is a teeny bit late.

I’ve asked if they can wave the no children coming with you rule since I need the scan, it’s not really a case of being able to just cancel and leave it. But alas the reply I got from the lady at the hospital was ‘well you’re just going to have to figure something out, you can’t not have the scan and we can’t get a different date’

DH is currently in hospital and will be for the next week at least (had a mini stroke) my mum was due to have DD but has had to cancel, I have no one else to take her and local childcare options are slim to none (and need more notice than I can give)

AIBU to wonder how on earth there is no wiggle room for such situations re taking a child into a scan, or to not quite believe there aren’t appts held back for emergencies, I had to go to maternity triage a couple of months ago and had a scan performed within 20 mins, not in the formal scan rooms but an ultrasound was conducted and they could see and measure all the same shit. I’m just a bit confused at the response being ‘well you have to come for the scan so figure something out’ response, and it was said like that (the lady was quite curt)

Onto the advice, what would you do in this situation? I’m genuinely flummoxed.

What if there is a bad finding at your scan and you are there dealing with catastrophic news or needing urgent intervention and your child is with you? You need to get someone to watch her.

I’m a midwife. I’d do this.

We’re pretty strict about kids at scans but in this circumstance the sonographer would just have to get on with it.

I don’t understand why the section won’t go ahead without the growth scan though? Baby is coming out on that date regardless of size. It’s too close to the event to bring the section date forwards, and we do sections on women who have unexpectedly large or small babies every day.

Yes. They're called 'babysitters'. It's quite common.

Is this emergency childcare site any help? It is nationwide, haven’t used it personally.

I'd call the consultant and explain the situation. They want the scan and can't go ahead with necessary surgery without it, therefore they find a way to do it that works or change the date. I had a similar situation with a scan needed before my section, had no childcare. I called the consultant and they arranged for one of his team to scan me in their area of the hospital at 7am instead of in the ultrasound area in usual appointment hours as they wouldn't or couldn't change the DC rule or offer an alternative appointment.

Whatever you do op, PLEASE don't choose to bully the NHS staff like @AxolotlEars suggested.

I remember when I worked in customer service, I was told to just give in to bullies, give them what they want as quick as you can and get rid of them. It used to infuriate me!

Get onto the consultant's secretary and tell him/her exactly what you've explained to us! Or PALS.

Are you suggesting the OP lives on a mountaintop somewhere where there are no neighbours, teenagers or other babysitters?

I wouldn’t feel happy with some arbitrary teenager, or even a neighbour I didn’t know that well baby-sitting.

I guess most of us commenting on this thread find it difficult to understand that OP only has 2 other adults in her life (DH & DM) for childcare for 1 hour.

Have you actually asked your school mum friends, and explained the special circumstances? Surely one of them could take your toddler on the school run as a one off?

Would you leave your child with a stranger? They're called 'babysitters'. It's quite common yes but they are usually the teens of friends, or people you know somehow. I never ever left my ds with a random person.

The OP's mother can still take the baby. Both parents are in hospital/having medical procedures - what will the court do?

Although I would have thought there's a fair chance the OP's DH will be out of husband in 13 days' time after a mini stroke.

Slightly different I cancelled a late pregnancy scan that I didn't want and a consultant phoned to try and talk me into coming in for one anyway and when I used the excuse of not having childcare due to lockdown and they said bring them to scan. I still didn't want scan but they were v keen to incentivise it (their words) by saying I could bring my toddler.

Go to the scan with your child. They are not allowed to discriminate against you for being a mum already. They won’t deny you a consultant-requested, time critical scan. Sorry whoever you spoke to was unhelpful. I work in an obstetrics department and no one would ever be denied care for having their child there.

Don't phone the consultant or their secretary.
Speak to PALs, they may be able to get you a new date or arrange with the right people that you can bring your child with you. The email address should be on the hospital website.

It’s one more than I do.
So I believe her

Do you really think the person in charge has the time to speak to people on the phone about something that is out of their control? That’s why they have receptionist. Childcare is not their problem, the NHS is on its knees and they got better things to do tbh. Surely you have friends, yabu!

Why? I can tell you that I have less than that - DP. Outside of nursery hours, if he isn't there I would be on my own. Parents willing to help but 100s of miles away, in laws very clear they're not interested in anything more than 3 or 4 visits a year, probably out of a feeling of duty to see the kids. They have tripped over the sleeves to give an excuse on the couple of occasions we asked for emergency childcare help for an hour or 2, so we really would be stuck in OP's situation. In fact, DP didn't get to any scans for our youngest as he had to take time off work to watch our other child if he wasn't in nursery at the time.

*tripped over themselves

What would happen if you didn’t have the scan? They can’t just leave the baby in you forever. If she scan is vital before the c-section then I would assume if you didn’t attend this scan appointment they would have to fit you in somewhere else even if they’re not going to admit that’s an option now.

I'm sorry for what you are going through op and the flak you have had on here.

25ish years ago I had similar when pg with dd. I desperately needed my dh to be able to come to the 12 and 20 week scans (he was a barrister and like you have found with your mother, court schedules can't be messed with).

Despite me explaining to "booking" what had happened previously, pg between ds 1 and ds1 diagnosed as a MMC at the 12 week scan; DS2 diagnosed with a congenital heart condition at 20 week scan. He died at 27 weeks, booking were unhelpful and intractable regarding rescheduling for the 12 week scan - there was no budging even when escalated to management.

When at the 12 week scan the sonographer confirmed everything was OK and I burst into tears she was horrified. Similarly, because mine was a high risk pg and I had consultant led care, my consultant was horrified at what had happened and intervened to ensure the 20 week scan could be negotiated in accordance with DH's diary.

There's far too much "computah sez" in the NHS and far too little customer service. We all need to stop sucking up and being grateful. We pay handsomely for it, albeit indirectly.

@Jessandtess I hope things start going more smoothly for you and your DH makes a full recovery. One thing you could do is to explain your circumstances to your local MP whose office will likely intervene on your behalf. They work for us and need to know when the NHS falls short of its obligations and fails to provide appropriate care.

There are provisions in place for emergencies,
hence you being scanned when they suspected a problem. Sadly you having no childcare for your other child isn’t an emergency so there will be no allowances made. The scans done when you are triaged aren’t by the sonographers but usually the on call consultant. You can’t compare the two, please don’t just turn up with your child to your scan. Can a school friend not take her with them earlier to collect their children? Then you pick her up when your scan is done

Yeah I'd just take DD. They might not be happy about it but you haven't got much choice

What do you mean by 'neighbour' and 'teenager'? You could be describing anyone. For example I have a neighbour - he's a single man in his 50s who's never spoken two words to me. You think I should knock on his door and ask him to babysit my kids?

YANBU.
i was the same, had nobody to watch my then 16 month DD so just had to take her to every scan. Nobody ever said anything though? It was pre covid mind.

at the time there was nobody I could leave my dd with at all. It used to really get me down when other people who had friends or family to mind their children would assume I had the same support.