To despair at the NHS re hospital scan

[Jessandtess]

This is part AIBU part desperate plea for advice.

i am currently 37 weeks pregnant and having a c-section in 13 days time. Im having regular growth scans and need one before the section goes ahead, which my consultant has insisted on. And he needs it done before our pre op appt late next week.

I’ve had childcare fall through for DD18 months so can no longer make my planned 38 week scan date, I’ve called to rearrange and been told scans are like gold dust and they can’t offer me a different date until the 2nd of March! Which is a teeny bit late.

I’ve asked if they can wave the no children coming with you rule since I need the scan, it’s not really a case of being able to just cancel and leave it. But alas the reply I got from the lady at the hospital was ‘well you’re just going to have to figure something out, you can’t not have the scan and we can’t get a different date’

DH is currently in hospital and will be for the next week at least (had a mini stroke) my mum was due to have DD but has had to cancel, I have no one else to take her and local childcare options are slim to none (and need more notice than I can give)

AIBU to wonder how on earth there is no wiggle room for such situations re taking a child into a scan, or to not quite believe there aren’t appts held back for emergencies, I had to go to maternity triage a couple of months ago and had a scan performed within 20 mins, not in the formal scan rooms but an ultrasound was conducted and they could see and measure all the same shit. I’m just a bit confused at the response being ‘well you have to come for the scan so figure something out’ response, and it was said like that (the lady was quite curt)

Onto the advice, what would you do in this situation? I’m genuinely flummoxed.

Loving the idea of a crèche near the maternity unit with the NHS as it is at present! Mostly there isn’t even childcare around which covers NHS workers shift needs. Sadly somewhat unrealistic.

I'd ask a neighbour or friend to mind the child , or pay a sensible teenager or student.

I would just go and take my child with me. Explain on the day that you had no choice. I’m sure it’ll be fine

Oh FGS - I’m DBS checked and would be prepared to stay in the hospital grounds - also prepared to prove my identity etc etc - what’s the difference to her hiring a babysitter online? I didn’t mean just give her to someone without checking them out first….

@WhatDoYouWantNow well in my case me and my baby would both be dead, thats exactly what used to happen to women presenting as I did before technology became a thing. Why do you think these technologies are now routinely used?

But well done you on your textbook births I guess, we all bow to your superiority 😒

i would take the child of there is literally no one.
Some mums in disadvantaged situations have a child (or more than one) and literally have absolutely no childcare options. Literally no one. No family or trusted friends and 0 money to hire an expensive sitter.
These mums often can’t make scan appointments at all. It’s awful because then it’s the mother and babies health and welfare that is put at a big risk.
I took my 2 year old to a scan 11 years ago. It wasn’t a problem at all. What has changed?

Really sorry for your situation but on the 'there must be other appointments' point- last year I was kept in hospital for 3 days waiting for an ultrasound while pregnant. It was partly over a weekend but I kept thinking if it's serious enough to have to stay how can they not find a scan!
At other points they did the bedside scans but siad they really weren't as accurate so couldn't replace a full scan.
Shit situation and shouldn't be that way but I wouldn't under estimate how really stretched the services are at the moment.

Amazed at how little compassion there is here for the OPs horrible situation. She didn't plan for her DH to have a stroke or her mum to be summoned to court! And she's about to have a C section and a new baby to cope with. So sorry you're in this situation OP.

Baffled at the amount of posters who are bending over backwards just so they can continue with the “poor NHS” narrative. The receptionist, like most NHS receptionists, was rude and condescending. Not at all shocked at that.

Also, posters with such a lack of empathy for OP who’s husband is hospitalised and she has exhausted all other avenues. It’s not as if she just can’t be arsed trying, is it?

I really hope none of these posters have ever took a day off work due to having a sick child, for example. Just get childcare! Why should your employer be penalised for your decision to have kids? Everyone all of the time should hire a babysitter to sit on standby just in case they’re ever needed!

And for that one dim as fuck poster who was harping on about not having scans in my day, if someone is having regular growth scans and a planned c section, it’s not the same situation, is it? Honestly, people have the IQ level of a snail and still feel like their completely stupid and irrelevant opinion is worthy of posting.

I think this must have changed over the years, when I was pregnant with dc3 5 yrs ago I had regular growth scans and my 2 older kids (7 and 5) came to each one

Could you contact the consultants secretary to see if they can coordinate a different date ? There are usually urgent and priority slots and I would put your situation in that category.
To those suggesting she just turn up with dc, an 18 mth old in a room full of equipment is dangerous, where do you expect them to magic the staff from to supervise a toddler and where do they take them ?

Amen.

A person on the internet says they’re DBS checked and promises they won’t run away with your baby.
Seems legit to me.

Yes, they will.

This whole thread is just crazy!

Only on mumsnet can asking a teenager on Facebook or asking the local vicar seem a better solution than taking a toddler in a pushchair to a scan appointment!

Are we lucky to have an NHS - yes of course we are but that doesn’t mean that we can’t be unhappy with their policies from time to time!

Just turn up with her and lots of snacks/a screen, apologise, say you were let down for childcare half an hour ago. They'll let her in.

What a rubbish situation. I'm sorry you have the stress of this alongside your husband being in hospital. I hope he is discharged soon.

You could try ringing and asking to speak to the senior midwife/whoever is in charge of antenatal clinic about rearranging the date. Explain your husband is in hospital and your mother is in court and that you really don't have another option that day.

Are your in-laws able to help? Even if its to push your toddler in the pram outside if they don't want her for the whole afternoon?
If your toddler normally goes to nursery/childminder could they fit her in for another session?
I know some childminders in my area offer childcare for smear tests - so just one off appointments - maybe ask childminders if they could do it for this instead? You should find a list of registered childminders on your council website.
In a real pinch I would ask a neighbour or friend that works from home to have them. But I have retired neighbours and friends that can be flexible with work so this still might not work.

Sorry about your DH - hope he recovers quickly. But yes you are being unreasonable. The nhs can’t leave appointments open on the off chance - every appointment needs filling. Child care is your responsibility so get a babysitter. We had no help from family, it’s a pain, it makes life more difficult but no point in expecting the nhs to sort this for you.

Goodness me OP I really feel for you. I had babies just before covid and was always able to bring a child with me in an emergency..I totally understand the 'not having anyone ' situation...people who have relatives etc never really get this. During the week friends have work and their own kids to look after it's just not that simple. I also despair at the inflexibility being shown by the NHS...i would just turn up with your child and explain the situation but say he went into hospital the day before.... they really cant turn you away. It's not like you are arriving with your whole family for a look at baby....... hope your DH gets well soon and you get sorted.

Its quite something isn’t it.

I think you are finger wagging too much at the NHS.

I know you are in very difficult and exceptional circumstances here the point could be made that it is you who have no planning in place for emergencies. What would happen if you went into labour?

How old is your daughter? Can you whats app school/pre school mums if you dont have friends close by and ask of anyone would have a play date whilst you have a very important scan? Offer to pay back in the future when able to. Do you have a nice neighbour you could rely on for a few hours?

@BirdyWoof this

A private scan doesn’t cost that much.
Could you either book a scan at a different hospital on a different date where you have childcare available or pay for a private scan - you’ll be given copies of it all to pass on to your consultant.
You’re only looking at about £80.

@MrsWhites actually laughed out loud when I read the vicar comment. Honestly wonder what planet some of these people are living on 🤣