To despair at the NHS re hospital scan

[Jessandtess]

This is part AIBU part desperate plea for advice.

i am currently 37 weeks pregnant and having a c-section in 13 days time. Im having regular growth scans and need one before the section goes ahead, which my consultant has insisted on. And he needs it done before our pre op appt late next week.

I’ve had childcare fall through for DD18 months so can no longer make my planned 38 week scan date, I’ve called to rearrange and been told scans are like gold dust and they can’t offer me a different date until the 2nd of March! Which is a teeny bit late.

I’ve asked if they can wave the no children coming with you rule since I need the scan, it’s not really a case of being able to just cancel and leave it. But alas the reply I got from the lady at the hospital was ‘well you’re just going to have to figure something out, you can’t not have the scan and we can’t get a different date’

DH is currently in hospital and will be for the next week at least (had a mini stroke) my mum was due to have DD but has had to cancel, I have no one else to take her and local childcare options are slim to none (and need more notice than I can give)

AIBU to wonder how on earth there is no wiggle room for such situations re taking a child into a scan, or to not quite believe there aren’t appts held back for emergencies, I had to go to maternity triage a couple of months ago and had a scan performed within 20 mins, not in the formal scan rooms but an ultrasound was conducted and they could see and measure all the same shit. I’m just a bit confused at the response being ‘well you have to come for the scan so figure something out’ response, and it was said like that (the lady was quite curt)

Onto the advice, what would you do in this situation? I’m genuinely flummoxed.

I hope you can get something sorted, I truly feel for you, we have no childcare out with ourselves, it's so hard in situations like this. Found myself stressed out everytime I had a growth scan in my last pregnancy as we had noone to take the older two and my partner couldn't always take time off. Hope all goes well.

Some nasty people on here! I’d turn up with the toddler in tow and say you had no option as your partner had a stroke. They can see for themselves if they check X ward. It’s clear you have a support network, it’s not your fault your DH’s stroke has led to this being your only option. Good luck!

I'm sorry OP, that is weird - at my hospital lots of people bring babies/children to scans. Many don't have the option not to. I've also emailed and asked ahead of time for appointments that say no other children, and they've always said it's fine.

You could try the Bubble app?

@WhatDoYouWantNow well done you.
it might come as a shock to you but not every other pregnant woman has such luck. Educate yourself

Yes, the media/government messaging around the NHS has been so dangerous. Service users are not responsible for 'protecting the NHS' by twisting themselves inside out not to use it or inconvenience it, it is allegedly a healthcare service which should protect its patients. Services are stretched but there should be some flexibility (NHS employee so I do understand the pressures, but I also went into this job to help people).

I think calling and asking to speak to the nurse in charge is your best bet. I really hope you get something sorted OP, you don't need all this stress on top of everything else you're going through. I'd put a tenner on some of these people calling you entitled having also been big advocates of the #bekind nonsense. And the daft posters saying, pfft what do you think used to happen? Outcomes were worse, that's what... That is not a useful response.

MN is the worst sometimes. It seems hard for people to grasp that sometimes it is near impossible to find childcare. It's not always possible to get a sitter at the drop of a hat and to be fair, I wouldn't want some random either.

I've long thought the NHS policy on this is ridiculous, it causes so much stress. Especially as these scans late in pregnancy take a few minutes. I understand with the early scans but honestly, they need to have some leeway sometimes. People don't take their babies and toddlers along for the craic.

@AxolotlEars it's people like you who are driving staff out of the nhs with your incredible entitlement

I'd go on my local Facebook group and ask if anyone was prepared to come with me .
I know that in my community there would be someone who would be prepared to help if they could.

It is unnecessary because if they set aside appointments for emergencies they’d be able to see even less people who’s scans are just as important and time-sensitive as yours. You do sound entitled and obviously have decided you aren’t U so I dunno why you’re even asking.

A nurse in charge isn’t going to be any help to a maternity patient. She needs to speak to a midwife in charge or sonographer in charge.

Could your mum friends not take your DD to school pick up with them if you have them her pushchair/ car seat. It’s a big ask for them but you could offer them something in return (technically you can’t pay them I think if they’re not qualified childminders).

Could any of your ‘mum friends’ who are doing school runs at that time take your DD on the school run with them? Or could any of your DP’s friends or family watch your DD for a short while?

I had a lady turn up at my clinic the other day with her toddler in tow and it was really difficult to examine her with a toddler running around my clinic room during an intimate exam. I ended up having to ask a HCA to watch the toddler the other side of the curtain while I examined mum. It’s really distracting and could be dangerous as there are all sorts of things in examination rooms that shouldn’t be in the hands of a toddler! There must be someone who could look after her.

This ! Is there not a local childminder who would have her for a couple of hours or a friend you could ask ?

You must have pretty shitty friends. I cant believe none of your friends would just stick her in the car and take her on the school run or put her in the pushchair.

So, mum friends for some reason wont do that. What about other friends?

Semantics. If OP called and asked to speak to the nurse in charge they'd get put through to the ward/department manager.

Has your mum asked about a crèche at the court? There are often facilities especially at bigger courts.

Why don’t you contact WRVS at your local hospital? They may be able to suggest something.

Alternatively you could approach a local charity that offers hospital transport. Volunteers are usually DBS checked. Services are normally for older people but they may flex if you are prepared to pay.

It might be semantics but it is still incorrect information.

Midwives and nurses are very different professions.

Alternatively ask a neighbour to help. I'd help even if I didn't know you.

Someone tried this when I was up having one of my growths scans. The child was about 2 and in a buggy and she got told they couldn’t perform the scan with the child in the room so she would need to rearrange the appointment and make sure she had someone that could look after the child or bring someone who could sit with him while she went in.

Yes. The OP should ignore medical advice and not have the scan because a stranger on the internet didn't have scans and their babies were fine. Sounds like a plan.

Try the vicar at your local church he knows so many people who would help probably a retired person who would love to help you.There are so many helpful people around us you need to ask for help sometimes in life.Our local Facebook page is amazing have you tried that.You May make a new friend you never know.We all need each other,one day you will return the favour.

Have you actually asked your mum friends or neighbours or just assumed they won't do it? I would go out of my way to help a fellow mum in this situation and I know my friends would to.

This isn’t an emergency, though, is it? It’s a planned, booked appointment. Not the same at all as you being a maternity triage and them needing to find out, urgently, what is going on with the baby.

I don’t know what the solution is. Can you ask at school what would happen if they are late seeing you? If after school care finishes at 4:30 you might be fine.

Contact your local 6th form/Equivalent that provides Childcare training ... ask if they have any students who would be willing to do babysitting in the area.