To have DH's location visible at all times?

[Algor1thm]

This should really be AWBU because it's the same for both of us. We've had location sharing on between us 24/7 for a couple of years now. I can always see where DH is and vice versa. It's hugely helpful and we turned it on for very practical reasons. No more messaging each other where are you, having to explain that we're stuck in traffic, worrying about each other if we're running late etc. It's certainly not to 'check up on each other', there has never been a hint of suspicion of infidelity in the relationship and we both trust each other fully. Days go by without me checking his location, but it's very handy to have there when we need it.

We're both happy with the arrangement, but I said to a friend the other day that I'd just quickly check whether DH was home yet and looked at my phone, and she reacted like what I was doing was really awful. She was gobsmacked and sort of acted like it was a controlling/abusive thing (despite it being both ways). I've mentioned it to several friends since and I've had very mixed reactions. Some couples do the same, some thought it was very odd.

AWBU? Is this a weird invasion of each other's privacy?

It is not normal to expect that somebody should be able to know where you are at all times.
It is dysfunctional behaviour to expect to have this level of intrusion into somebody else’s life by way of knowing where they are at all times.
It also normalises this in our younger generations. How do they say no to a bf or GF wanting to track them?

This with bells on. And we wonder why so many of the younger generation are so anxious and dependent. 30 years ago young people disappeared for months at a time on their travels and learned to cope with life on their own, with only an occasional call or letter home. And parents lived with it and learned to let go and the children returned with life skills and ready to live independently.

Now my young relatives arrive to stay with me from New Zealand and have a daily WA FaceTime hour with their parents. They never really leave home, mum and dad are always there to advise.

Behaviour that has been normalised to children their whole life at home, is not easy to say not to.

Stop being so disingenuous.

And if like so many on here so, think it’s perfectly fine and there should be nonissue with it, how would that be received?! Probably not very well I imagine.

To all those who track and are tracked, what would your or your DP do if you suddenly decided it wasn’t for you anymore?

Constant? How many updates do you need in the course of one journey? But I see now, it's another mechanism that makes things easier for you, but adds another task to DW's list.

I genuinely don’t understand why some people have a problem with it unless they’re doing something they shouldn’t be or have a controlling partner.

My wife and I have it, and while we barely use it it’s so handy when we do need it (if I’m giving her a lift, meeting her in public etc)

I would find this very suffocating to be honest. If you weren’t home then why did you feel the need to check if he was?

Agree. Most of the time I don’t need to know where DH is, so texts every time he’s running a bit late or whatever would be redundant. On the occasion that I do want to know, I can then find out instantly, rather than waiting for a text.

Some couples probably text a lot more than we do and that’s fine too. This is just an alternative which some people find useful.

We do this. I get why other people might find it odd, but personally, I would hate getting calls and texts asking where I am every day.

My drive home takes an hour, and I wouldn't call from the car if I was driving. DH might not even answer, if he was working. This way, if he wants to know where I am he can just check, and vice versa.

No you can't text whilst driving, but you can make a hands free phone call on bluetooth, or even just plain old loud speaker on the phone if you don't have Bluetooth.

Ah - so people are still using their phones while driving but to check apps?!

FFS. It’s a mixture of both! We WhatsApp constantly. There are hundreds of thousands of WhatsApp messages between us. But with FindMyIphone it can help with our decision making.

even simple things like can I leave the dog in the garden if he won’t come in and I’m heading out. I can quickly see how far away my wife is and make a judgement call .

quick check of the app - oh good she’s about 10 minutes away versus phone calls “hello can you hear me, no can you hear me, what’s that, kids shouting in background, oh the signal’s not great, hang on I’ll phone you back” blah fucking blah blah blah.

How do they say no… The same way they say no to anything else which isn’t appropriate unless you really trust the person. Sharing finances, or moving in together, all the things we do that require trust

If you're raised to think that people tracking each others movements 24/7 is normal, then it's likely you won't find an issue with a new partner doing it too.

Lots of people trust their abusers.

Firstly- Genuinely what are these “so many problems” that it solves?
Secondly - You contradicted yourself in your first post when you checked up on your DH to see if he was home. What problem did this solve, why did you need to know?

There is no reason to know where your partner is at all times. I understand for children or safeguarding but to make a dinner or to see if they are stuck in traffic and other feeble excuses,

Nope and why are people normalising this?

How did people communicate before location services or phones? Why do people need to micromanage, what is wrong with your DH (or you) sometimes coming through the door late for dinner and saying I didn’t have time or didn’t think to message you?

How does a location service show him stuck in a ditch as opposed to just being stopped using his phone or something else?

It is an invasion of privacy open to abuse disguised as oh it’s mutual, it’s so handy, I’ve got nothing to hide, I don’t really use it, except you do or the other person does.

Oh my God! 🤦🏻‍♂️

we both use it in exactly the same way! What an incredible post that was. 😆😆😆

I find it odd that people get so het up about this. If you don't want to use it and don't think it'd be useful - don't use it! It's helpful for us, so we use it. there are lots of scenarios where it's been a useful tool but they are very specific to our lives so it doesn't really matter to anyone else. We're both early 50s incidentally so not a generational thing. My parents also both have each others locations.
we use an Apple family group and each can find each others phones/iPads. It's used FAR more for us to find a lost device in our home than to see where a person is.

Why are you swearing?

So you’re too busy to send one text when leaving work, saying you’re on the way home, but you WhatsApp constantly?!

Why do you need to know how close each other is, all the time?

Why?

Why would the person driving need to check where they themselves actually are at any given moment?

I honestly don't see the issue in knowing DH's or his mine. It's very helpful knowing when he'll be back to take over childcare etc and the same with my sister (who helps as well sometimes). Also puts my mind at rest that she they got home okay if travelling.

I really couldn't care less that either of them know where I am either! People get so weird about this.

Same as you OP. So long as you both consent I don’t see the issue.

I couldn’t think of anything worse. I don’t even have it for my teens . The youngest texts a few times during the day if he’s out with pals but that’s it . The world is not a million times scarier than when we were young but we are painting a picture that it is. Also - read this forum - many ‘lovely’ partners change. I’m teaching my kids how to read maps and bus time tables. Also 100% agree with the person talking about future relationships, I’ve heard about 14 year olds using tracking apps as a sign of ‘love’ and it terrifies me.

This is hilarious! I said it’s a mixture of both messaging and using the app. I’m NOT too busy to send one message when I’m leaving work.

We DON’T need to know how close each other is all the time. We only use the app when it has a benefit or purpose. Is that so hard to understand?

why am I swearing? Because I feel like it. Don’t you swear?

@Westernesse but how would you know she was going home as she was ten mins away. I find this level of intrusion into someone else's life so odd.

In my case it's bugger all to do with the DH - he normally has our youngest with him (so not remotely 50s) who is generally a grumpy git by the time she gets home and wants fed 5 minutes ago. She has a long day and by the time she gets home it's dinner and bed

I would leave if this was suggested to me. I am an adult and am perfectly capable of telling peopel where I am, if i want to.

Mr Monkey has gone out to parkrun this morning. He told me that as he left. He said he will be back at about 10am. I believe him and trust if he does get delayed (sometimes he meets friends and they go for a coffee) he will drop me a Whatsapp.

I suppose it depends how you use it. We only use it if there are any concerns, ie getting quite late with no contact.
If someone uses it as an everyday thing to track where someone is on a regular basis then that raises different concerns which go way beyond technology

I have it with my DD now she's an adult and we like to have a look and see where each other are at out of curiosity. It's sometimes useful - 'if you're at the shops can you get.....'
I didn't have it when she was a teenager as that would have felt controlling but she suggested it when she went to university. I am on my own so it's nice to know someone is looking out for me - and it's a comfort for me to see where she's at as I miss her.

I don't think it's controlling if you both have it and trust each other but I can see that it could be in sone abusive relationships.