Page 7 | To have DH's location visible at all times?

Algor1thm · 2023-01-14T07:44:25+00:00

This should really be AWBU because it's the same for both of us. We've had location sharing on between us 24/7 for a couple of years now. I can always see where DH is and vice versa. It's hugely helpful and we turned it on for very practical reasons. No more messaging each other where are you, having to explain that we're stuck in traffic, worrying about each other if we're running late etc. It's certainly not to 'check up on each other', there has never been a hint of suspicion of infidelity in the relationship and we both trust each other fully. Days go by without me checking his location, but it's very handy to have there when we need it. We're both happy with the arrangement, but I said to a friend the other day that I'd just quickly check whether DH was home yet and looked at my phone, and she reacted like what I was doing was really awful. She was gobsmacked and sort of acted like it was a controlling/abusive thing (despite it being both ways). I've mentioned it to several friends since and I've had very mixed reactions. Some couples do the same, some thought it was very odd. AWBU? Is this a weird invasion of each other's privacy?

Westernesse · 14/01/2023 09:10

saraclara · 14/01/2023 09:07

Monitoring them is infringing on their independence. We are allowed to have secrets, even in devoted relationships. We are not accountable to our partners or families 24/7. The idea of my partner being able to see where I am at any time makes me shudder — not because I'm up to anything, but because this is totally unnatural. I have the right to privacy, I've earned the right to be trusted. Horrible.

I couldn't agree more. Privacy seems to be a thing of the past, and I find that really disturbing.

Location sharing can be turned on or off with one click at any time.

JonSnowsCupbearer · 14/01/2023 09:11

gogohmm · 14/01/2023 09:06

We don't currently but I am planning on subscribing to a tracking service before we do our big motorbike trip, for my parents and kids' peace of mind. Not sure when but plan to ride to Australia!

Tracking for when dp goes out alone on his bike might be a good idea too I suppose, just in case. The country roads here have lots of drainage rivers and people drive into them regularly in cars, on a bike you could probably disappear

I find this an interesting take, how does it give peace of mind? Not being funny, I can't see the logic of this one! You are miles and miles away, a text or call is the only really way to know you are alive and well if it's something they will have anxiety about?

Bayleaf25 · 14/01/2023 09:11

@Quincythequince i wouldn’t have a clue how to use voice operated texts and Bluetooth in our old car hasn’t worked for years. The ‘find my friend’ works well for us and we’ve been married for well over 20 years with no control issues on either side.

I think it’s just an example of why it works for some but not others.

Westernesse · 14/01/2023 09:11

JonSnowsCupbearer · 14/01/2023 09:08

From your OP it just sounded like he had no responsibility towards the situation, so apologies for the derail!

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No, it did not seem that way at all from the original post. You fabricated that.

wobblyweasel · 14/01/2023 09:11

If your both agreeable to it, then what's the problem. Only time DH shares location with me is when he drives home after working away (5 hours + journey) I can see where he is, if there is any delay, and get a coffee ready for when he gets home.

Redblanky · 14/01/2023 09:11

Westernesse · 14/01/2023 09:09

You say lazy, I say convenient. I have a busy life and so does my wife. If you think making things easier for ourselves in a way that suits us when we possibly can is lazy then I would say your thinking is dysfunctional.

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I don't understand how it makes things easier. Rather than you dropping a text now and again when you're running late, she's expected to check what time you'll be home regularly?

Quincythequince · 14/01/2023 09:11

Onnabugeisha · 14/01/2023 09:03

The police didn’t think I was. They said I was right to call. The area she walks through isn’t a safe one.

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They wouldn’t, and they’d have to respond of course.

Your Daughter should have charged her phone. And she should also learn Krav Maga is this is where she routinely has to walk.

Talking to you on a phone helps nobody, and you being able to see her location doesn’t either.

tigger1001 · 14/01/2023 09:11

WednesdaysPlaits · 14/01/2023 08:21

Our whole family has it on. It’s extremely helpful when you’re trying to plan meals, make sure nobody has forgotten school/club pick ups, want to see if it would be a pain to ask someone to pop by the shop for bread etc.

Nobody has anything to hide so why would it be an issue?

It's not about having things to hide. It's about good communication.

If you are running late, it's just common decency to let your partner know. It shouldn't be on them to check.

Having been in an abusive relationship, thankfully long before smart phones, the "you have nothing to hide" is a dangerous message.

SunsetBlue · 14/01/2023 09:13

No we don't share our locations. I don't want to be visible all the time. Everyone has a right to privacy.

We love eachother. Nothing to hide. No distrust. Happy family. But no, I don't to be visible all the time.

GoTeamRocket · 14/01/2023 09:13

No one is too busy not to send their partner a quick text. Running late, popping to shops after work etc etc.

It also seems like more 'women's work' and 'mental load', monitoring kids, checking app to see when to put on dinner etc etc.

Slightly off topic, my DS is starting to navigate the walk to primary school by himself. I will not give him a phone, because I feel that it creates more distractions and riskier behaviour (I.e. looking at phone rather than road . I just don't think it is true that children are safer with access to a phone. Clear instructions and the ability to problem solve will make them safe.

Same with tracking, your family members aren't safer because you know their exact location. It might be more convenient, but with a cost to privacy and independence.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 14/01/2023 09:14

I would hate it and think it's creepy to track someone.

I have a teen dd and would not feel comfortable putting a tracker on her phone.

I think it's weird and creepy.

Quincythequince · 14/01/2023 09:14

Bayleaf25 · 14/01/2023 09:11

@Quincythequince i wouldn’t have a clue how to use voice operated texts and Bluetooth in our old car hasn’t worked for years. The ‘find my friend’ works well for us and we’ve been married for well over 20 years with no control issues on either side.

I think it’s just an example of why it works for some but not others.

You would if you spent 5 mins looking into it!
About as long as it took to set up find my phone.

Anyway, I have no beef with people who say it works for them, so what you need to.

The expectation that other have things to hide, or are t trustworthy because they don’t want to use it is bizarre.

I also think it’s just another way of removing the social norms of basic courtesy in many instances too.

Westernesse · 14/01/2023 09:15

Redblanky · 14/01/2023 09:11

I don't understand how it makes things easier. Rather than you dropping a text now and again when you're running late, she's expected to check what time you'll be home regularly?

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It just does. I’m not going to text while I’m driving or sent repeated texts giving constant updates or constant phone calls. We can simply see where we each other is if we are delayed or whatever.

We use it occasionally by the consent of both parties.

it’s a consensual exchange of information. Why does it matter to you whether it’s a text or the FindMyIphone app?

yaflouloci · 14/01/2023 09:15

@Westernesse too busy to call on hands free or send a text? Do not believe it. How many times do you check the app that you've not got time for one text or one phone all?

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 14/01/2023 09:16

The whole idea gives me the shivers.

I'm a grown adult - I don't need to be monitored or have my location visible 24/7. If DH ever suggested it, I'd think he was losing his marbles.

I find it very weird that knowing your family's location 24/7 is now becoming the norm. I also don't think it's a healthy thing to be teaching children or teenagers.

Happin · 14/01/2023 09:16

As long as you've both consented there's nothing wrong with it.

Raspberry290 · 14/01/2023 09:16

I think if this works for you both and you’re both happy with the arrangement then it’s totally fine!

AllotmentTime · 14/01/2023 09:16

Quincythequince · 14/01/2023 08:51

It is not normal to expect that somebody should be able to know where you are at all times.

It is dysfunctional behaviour to expect to have this level of intrusion into somebody else’s life by way of knowing where they are at all times.

It also normalises this in our younger generations. How do they say no to a bf or GF wanting to track them? And they do have that right tbh!

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How do they say no… The same way they say no to anything else which isn’t appropriate unless you really trust the person. Sharing finances, or moving in together, all the things we do that require trust.

Yarrawonga · 14/01/2023 09:16

We share locations. We find it helpful. There are no downsides. For us.

I couldn’t care less about what other people think about it.

Quincythequince · 14/01/2023 09:17

Westernesse · 14/01/2023 09:15

It just does. I’m not going to text while I’m driving or sent repeated texts giving constant updates or constant phone calls. We can simply see where we each other is if we are delayed or whatever.

We use it occasionally by the consent of both parties.

it’s a consensual exchange of information. Why does it matter to you whether it’s a text or the FindMyIphone app?

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Fair enough to not text when driving.

Bit why would you need to do it repeatedly.

Why is one (I’m leaving now, see you soon xx) text, sent as you leave work, so burdensome?

Would you not call and say for example ‘do you need anything from the shops etc’ on occasion either?

Redblanky · 14/01/2023 09:18

GoTeamRocket · 14/01/2023 09:13

No one is too busy not to send their partner a quick text. Running late, popping to shops after work etc etc.

It also seems like more 'women's work' and 'mental load', monitoring kids, checking app to see when to put on dinner etc etc.

Slightly off topic, my DS is starting to navigate the walk to primary school by himself. I will not give him a phone, because I feel that it creates more distractions and riskier behaviour (I.e. looking at phone rather than road . I just don't think it is true that children are safer with access to a phone. Clear instructions and the ability to problem solve will make them safe.

Same with tracking, your family members aren't safer because you know their exact location. It might be more convenient, but with a cost to privacy and independence.

I agree re women's work. It's "easier" that women's at home is checking whereabouts regualrly than husband let her know when he's late?

Also agree re DC and phones. My DS started secondary at a time whe many DC did have phones but not "all". He didn't and on his first day managed to get on the wrong bus home.

He didn't have a phone so he talked to the driver, who told him where to get off as close to home as possible and he walked the rest of the way. A good lesson, if he'd had a phone he'd have called me and I'd (probably) have left work to collect him. If I'd been tracking him, I'd have been a nervous wreck wondering why he wasn't where he was supposed to be.

Westernesse · 14/01/2023 09:18

GoTeamRocket · 14/01/2023 09:13

No one is too busy not to send their partner a quick text. Running late, popping to shops after work etc etc.

It also seems like more 'women's work' and 'mental load', monitoring kids, checking app to see when to put on dinner etc etc.

Slightly off topic, my DS is starting to navigate the walk to primary school by himself. I will not give him a phone, because I feel that it creates more distractions and riskier behaviour (I.e. looking at phone rather than road . I just don't think it is true that children are safer with access to a phone. Clear instructions and the ability to problem solve will make them safe.

Same with tracking, your family members aren't safer because you know their exact location. It might be more convenient, but with a cost to privacy and independence.

FFS.

say I’m running late somewhere. I would maybe drop a text before I get in the car and then we can both monitor things from there using the app.

or my wife might think “I’ve had a meeting cancelled, I might pop to the shop and could get the kids, I’ll just check where Westernesse is”.

now she might see that I’m flying down the motorway and would probably get the kids more easily or she might see that I’m still further up the road. So then she can decide whether to call me and offer to collect the kids or not to bother and just go to the shop.

there’s nothing nefarious about this.

Original poster

Algor1thm · 14/01/2023 09:18

pattihews · 14/01/2023 08:59

It's like bringing a police state into your home. Adults have the right to do whatever they decide to do without being tracked 24/7, even if that involves disappearing for a few hours. They have the right to go on a detour without explanation, to do something unplanned, not to have to account for why they were here or there at any given time. I can see that there may be odd occasions when this might be useful but to have it on permanently seems to me extremely unhealthy. If my partner's going to be late I'd expect a call or a message or I'd call or message. Monitoring them is infringing on their independence. We are allowed to have secrets, even in devoted relationships. We are not accountable to our partners or families 24/7. The idea of my partner being able to see where I am at any time makes me shudder — not because I'm up to anything, but because this is totally unnatural. I have the right to privacy, I've earned the right to be trusted. Horrible.

I have to disagree that as a part of a young family my husband has the right to disappear off on a detour at any time without informing me of his whereabouts or roughly what time he thinks he'll be home. We have small children and childcare to juggle. He can't just piss off wherever he likes without checking with me first and just assume I'll do the childcare. If we had no children at home it would be different, although I'd still expect him to let me know where he was e.g. "I'm going to the pub after work, I'll be home late so don't save dinner for me".

OP posts:

denishhol · 14/01/2023 09:19

Personally I'd hate it. It's why I don't plan on getting married. I just don't like being that close to someone. I change bfs like the wind amd that's how I like it. I get bored of people. Being married just sounds too stiffy and formal for my liking.

GreetingsToTheNewBrunette · 14/01/2023 09:19

I wouldn’t agree to it personally, but if your husband and you are happy with it then I don’t see why it would be an issue? Your both adults and have chosen to do this.