To have DH's location visible at all times?

[Algor1thm]

This should really be AWBU because it's the same for both of us. We've had location sharing on between us 24/7 for a couple of years now. I can always see where DH is and vice versa. It's hugely helpful and we turned it on for very practical reasons. No more messaging each other where are you, having to explain that we're stuck in traffic, worrying about each other if we're running late etc. It's certainly not to 'check up on each other', there has never been a hint of suspicion of infidelity in the relationship and we both trust each other fully. Days go by without me checking his location, but it's very handy to have there when we need it.

We're both happy with the arrangement, but I said to a friend the other day that I'd just quickly check whether DH was home yet and looked at my phone, and she reacted like what I was doing was really awful. She was gobsmacked and sort of acted like it was a controlling/abusive thing (despite it being both ways). I've mentioned it to several friends since and I've had very mixed reactions. Some couples do the same, some thought it was very odd.

AWBU? Is this a weird invasion of each other's privacy?

No, of course I wouldn't automatically assume the worst if I couldn't get hold of someone I'd think their phone had died, or they were somewhere without signal, or the technology had failed, or their phone was on silent, or they were just busy and not thinking about their phone.

I don't think it's a healthy thought process to automatically leap to the worst case scenario.

But it's serving the same purpose. Providing information about one's location for that the other party is using to have a hot drink ready for them.

It's just that one is done actively, by texting and one passively, by sharing their location.

I check on DH's around about 5.30 most days to see if he's left work yet so I know if he'll be home to eat or to let DS know if there will be time for any gaming before bed. Saves him the very minor task of texting me that's all. He probably checks mine less as I'm usually WFH but he does when I'm on a 5am leave long drive with DC to my parents just for reassurance.

Nothing sinister or overly dependent. I wouldn't be too bothered if it stopped working, but it's useful to have.

Hmm, I actually think there's a huge difference between actively choosing to share your location as a one-off, and having it constantly available just to make someone else's life a tiny bit easier.

Fair enough. I disagree!

@PoachingEggs Stalkerish? You are reading far too much into some peoples choice to check on their loved ones occasionally. No one is feverishly looking at the app. I look maybe 3 times a week. It's no different from texting.

I think it's far more telling that some regard a very laid back approach to this technology as stalking. It's because no one has anything to hide that it's of zero importance where they are at any given time.

If circumstances warrant checking then you check. No big deal.

We've had a family stalker app for years. Still have it now, and our kids are young adults. One's at university. I think we're just used to it. Use it occasionally. I asked the one at university why he didn't leave the group, and he just shrugged and said it was handy sometimes. I get why other people wouldn't want it - hence we call it the stalker app - but like many things, I think it can only really be judged on the basis of individual relationships.

It's obvious from the negative comments that people using location apps are the least stalkerish because they trust each other implicitly.

It's obvious from the negative comments that people using location apps are the least stalkerish because they trust each other implicitly.

And the least likely to dictate what others should or should not do.

It’s called “controlling” isn’t it?

I don't understand why you'd go out of your way to start making a cup of tea before your partner gets home? It takes five minutes to make one. It doesn't need to be ready the minute he walks in the door before he's even got his coat off. Not that either of us have ever welcomed the other with anything other than a grunted hello.

Due to my job (I lone work in the community with people who suffer with mental health) myself and DH have the location sharing app. It has an SOS button on the app which has come in very handy before. It's not for spying it's for peace of mind.

If it works for you both, you are both happy with it, then go for it! Invasion of privacy is subjective. Busy parents need to quickly know where each other is at any given time. Personally, I find it very strange to be part of a team and have issues with that. We have good phone signal and a solid routine, but we would consider it if that changed.

This thread is taking a very weird turn.

I think because of the historical imbalance in power in the relationships between men and women, a lot of women are still viewing any marriage under that same lens, and mistakenly assuming that any actions of care for each other must be done under duress, rather than because the partners care for each other and simply wish to make each other happy. However, we can care for other people without diminishing our own self worth!

It is undoubtedly true that some women are in controlling / abusive relationships, especially judging by MN posts - but it is incorrect to view all relationships in that light. Whilst we do have to be wary of ‘red flags’ in our relationships, does that now mean we cannot do anything nice for our partners for risk of being viewed as a 1950s housewife? And shouldn’t accept anything nice from our partners in return for the sake of proving our independence?

My own opinion is that society in general has become more individualistic and any actions which are done for the benefit of a group (or in this case, for the family or relationship) are seen as a sign of weakness. On this thread posters have been ridiculed for making another person a tea, a coffee, a dinner, for putting hot water on. As if all those actions are a sign of subservience, rather than of a caring relationship where people can do something purely for the benefit of another person. It’s quite sad really.

It’s quite sad really.

It is.

I agree with you OP, seems sensible to have the option and where both people are aware of it / happy with it, there's no problem.

I use it with DP - we both have it enabled - and it is great for occasions when it would be handy for someone else to check location "just in case". In practice we very rarely use it. The benefits for us are things like - one person going on a long bike ride alone, or away cycling for a few days, they feel happier knowing that their location is visible. Or the same in regard to one person going on a solo hike.

It all comes down to individual / relationship choice. It's useful if one of us is out with the dog. It's useful if my DP is out on his motorbike. He also goes across Europe on the bike so it's nice to be able to see that he is ok.

We also use it when we're meeting up in a pub / restaurant if he is out before me. I can see where he is / know where to order the taxi to rather than try and ring and he not hear his phone or vice versa.

We may only use it once every couple of weeks but it's A nice to have.

Life 360 also pings when you are within a range of home. I wfh and when the ping goes off the dog will leave my office, grab his ball and run to wait at the window for DP to drive up. I can assure everyone concerned that my dog has no nefarious purposes. It just allows him to get his tail wagging ready.

I will also shock horror sometimes log off and go down to put the kettle on!

Each to their own.

Absolutely this point. Like all technology it has its benefits. Yes it can be abused but if both people in the relationship are happy then it's just a useful tool.

It’s so crazy how many wild assumptions and conclusions people have leapt to on this thread.

Yep, it also never ceases to me how so many people can't comprehend someone living a different life to them.

We turn ours on for specific things like when we're meeting somewhere a bit complicated or one is driving to meet the other etc.

If you're both fine with it, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

I also have my 12 year old's location; I asked her if she wanted mine as well as a fair trade and she said no. Again, I'll turn it on for her if I'm driving to meet her, she can see how far I am away etc.

We have it here. I hardly ever think about it. It started many years ago when OH used to cycle for miles in the dark to and from work so we used it for safety. That is no longer the case but we both still find it useful.

It is only open to abuse or used for control by controlling or abusive people

Maybe you could look into why you find this creepy, when it’s entirely normal and most don’t consider it a ‘need’ to know but it’s nice to know.

Also I think it’s good to point out most don’t sit there staring at the locations, it’s just a nice to have option. Especially when people are visiting etc. to know when they’re a few mins away (so you can have a last minute poo!)

I think it is horrific and suffocating, and if I had a partner who insisted on this then it would be the end of the relationship. I have no need to know where my husband is every minute of the day, nor he me. We managed fine before mobile phones were even invented, even tho he had a demanding job and his hours could often overrun. We are both competent, independent adults. And, tbh, it can be fun to be away alone in the knowledge that nobody knows where I am!

No it's not called controlling.

It's a tool of modern life

Not RTFT, we do this too and use Life360. It's great for me when DH works away and says oh I'll be 10 mins, eh no you'll be about 45 with the traffic etc so I know when to organise dinner etc. To us it's not creepy or weird it's normal. Each to their own.

Obviously if i had a partner who INSISTED on this I'd end the relationship too. No one on this thread has talked about being forced or even persuaded by a partner to do this. My husband suggested it and I thought it was a great idea.