To have DH's location visible at all times?

[Algor1thm]

This should really be AWBU because it's the same for both of us. We've had location sharing on between us 24/7 for a couple of years now. I can always see where DH is and vice versa. It's hugely helpful and we turned it on for very practical reasons. No more messaging each other where are you, having to explain that we're stuck in traffic, worrying about each other if we're running late etc. It's certainly not to 'check up on each other', there has never been a hint of suspicion of infidelity in the relationship and we both trust each other fully. Days go by without me checking his location, but it's very handy to have there when we need it.

We're both happy with the arrangement, but I said to a friend the other day that I'd just quickly check whether DH was home yet and looked at my phone, and she reacted like what I was doing was really awful. She was gobsmacked and sort of acted like it was a controlling/abusive thing (despite it being both ways). I've mentioned it to several friends since and I've had very mixed reactions. Some couples do the same, some thought it was very odd.

AWBU? Is this a weird invasion of each other's privacy?

We do this and it's perfectly normal for us.

I also share my location with some friends and vice versa as we travel together a lot and it's been really helpful.

I was wondering the same thing as left the thread for a bit and have missed 100+ posts. But I do find it a bit strange and those objecting to their loved ones being able to intermittently see their exact location as/when they enable it as intrusive monitoring.

It’s as if they do not know that the State already tracks and monitors our exact location 24/7 through our phones already. Universities and councils can even file requests for this data in an anonymised format for studies on things like commuting/local travel patterns to inform urban planning for new housing developments, predicting public transport needs, determining walkability scores, seeing if farmers are up keeping public footpaths, etc etc. Police can get access to not anonymised data to solve crimes…which they have done in several cases using the location of a cell phone to track a murderer killing a woman and because he had some health app tracking his heart rate, they even had that evidence of the crime and that he’d gone down a river bank carrying a heavy load (body) and so on.

Well quite. And as if the OP can’t work out the known downsides for herself.

There is no chance I'd be doing that. If someone asked, I'd refuse.

the excuse that you know when to put the tea on is bizarre.. are people expecting to be served a plate of food or a hot cup the minute they walk through the door?

Although I don't use find my iPhone for that purpose I do get dinner ready for a few minutes after dh is due home.
I get home first and almost always cook in a week day as a result. Dh doesn't get home til 7pm which is late enough for eating for us both. Neither of us want to start cooking after that as we like our evenings as they are. Food around 7ish and all sorted/eaten before 7:45/8pm works for us, We are both much more flexible about eating times at weekends and holidays,

So I don't see that aspect as being unusual tbh.

I would hate for someone to know where I am all the time, even my husband and I have absolutely nothing to hide. I've no interest in where he is either, if I need to know, I will ask. But why would I need to know?

Our family is the same. But I do have to remind myself regularly that the location is not actually where a person is but where their phone is, which is usually the same but not always!

We share our location via Google Maps. It's fine, like you say very helpful and not an issue if you trust each other.

I mostly use it to see if he's on the way home from office so I should start cooking tea or on way back from a run/cycle to put the hot water on for his shower. Couldn't be less sinister.

If there's any issues around control in a relationship obviously that's a different matter.

Of course you don’t need to know.

The OP said that her and her husband have location apps and find it useful to know where the other is occasionally. Which is fine. If you don’t, that’s fine too.

I suppose there are some relationship setups where this could be a practical benefit but personally I'd recoil in horror at the idea (either of being tracked, or needing to track anyone else) and more generally it's really alarming how widespread and normalised it is. I knew some MNers tracked their partners but in this thread it's way more than I thought.

I'm pretty sceptical about how big the practical benefits are. DP and I usually know each other's rough timing and there's no need to account for 10 minutes here or there. If there's a change of plan that actually affects something practical like dinner, we drop each other a message. But a lot of changed plans don't actually affect the other person so we don't bother letting each other know. I'm not sure why I'd keep DP appraised of my impromptu movements unless they mean he had to eat dinner later, or not wait for me. If he's an hour later than I expected from work it doesn't affect me at all so I don't expect to be kept updated.

On the other hand the controlling potential is off the charts. I only know one acquaintance who uses it with his partner and that was because we'd gone for a long lunch with him and a couple of other friends, then we all decided to come back to our place for a few more drinks. His wife was tracking him and phoned him in an absolute fury - quite disturbing to witness. He hadn't said he'd be back by a particular time, she just didn't like the idea of hanging out after the restaurant - unclear exactly why. It was very evident to me that he's in a controlling relationship and that's been underlined by the fact that since then he hasn't been "allowed" to socialise in London any more and I've only seen him once since. It's a shame.

Really? Does he do the same for you?

And yet you’re not respecting the OP’s privacy and dignity! Or the right to make her own decisions.

This is bizarre. I've actually said that in certain circumstances being able to see where someone is is useful. I have Find My Phone on on my iPhone. I'm not some Luddite and I can perfectly understand that if someone's setting off across Dartmoor or the Lake District on their own it can be a useful safety precaution.

I'm not angry, but the fact that you choose to say I'm angry reveals how defensive you are about this. I prize individual dignity, privacy and the ability to set one's own boundaries before convenience — particularly given that people can easily communicate their whereabouts with a WA message or a text or even (terribly old-fashioned, I know) a phone call.

Who are you to judge anyone for being lazy? It works for both of us. We both much prefer doing it the way I have described. Phoning people up for things that can be sorted in a second by using one’s brain is something neither of us likes.

why would I waste her time with a completely unnecessary conversation and how is calling and asking her location different from just looking on the app, which she has consented to for these purposes?

I mostly use it to see if he's on the way home from office so I should start cooking tea or on way back from a run/cycle to put the hot water on for his shower. Couldn't be less sinister.

And does he expect this?

Exactly this

It seems to be a reflection of how needy and co-dependent some relationships are.

People seem to assume that those who have access to their partner's location are checking all the time.... we use the 360 app but we don't check constantly but it can be useful on occasion.

And does he expect this?

I expect he appreciates it. In the same way that I do.

We do exactly the same. It would only be an issue if you were doing it without the other person’s permission or were using it as a way of controlling them.

Cos it is weird. Why do you need to know where people are all the time?

You probably don’t. But it might be useful to know at a specific time.

Lol this is absolutely hilarious!!!! Using data networks for messaging is a much more reliable than phone calls from a mobile phone. Phone calls from mobiles are so fragile, the are always cutting out even in 2023 especially if people are on the move.

you are NOT using the app while driving. It is constantly enabled whether you are driving or not. Why would you, the driver have to check an app while driving to tell you where you are?

crazy. 😆😆😆

some people take anyone conducting any aspect of their lives differently from how they do as a personal affront. They are normally people to watch out for.

I’m surprised at the number of posters here who assume that others are in controlling relationships or are at the beck and call of their husbands. And that to make someone a cup of tea or make their dinner somehow indicates you are enslaved. Are their experiences of relationships that bad?
DH makes me a cuppa every morning, am I controlling him?
It’s about being in a caring relationship where you do nice things for each other…..

We can’t all conduct every aspect of our lives based in hypothetical scenarios that don’t apply to us. What a nonsense.

Erm I haven’t asked repeatedly and of course no one has to answer to me but OP asked the question inviting comment. 🤷‍♀️

And this is exactly why normalising this behaviour is so dangerous.

Coercive partner: "but if you have nothing to hide, why would you refuse to share your location with me?

😂😂
So much projection on this thread.

I'm in a 360 app circle with my friends and not one of us have an issue with it and it's certainly not dangerous or worrying behaviour.