To have DH's location visible at all times?

[Algor1thm]

This should really be AWBU because it's the same for both of us. We've had location sharing on between us 24/7 for a couple of years now. I can always see where DH is and vice versa. It's hugely helpful and we turned it on for very practical reasons. No more messaging each other where are you, having to explain that we're stuck in traffic, worrying about each other if we're running late etc. It's certainly not to 'check up on each other', there has never been a hint of suspicion of infidelity in the relationship and we both trust each other fully. Days go by without me checking his location, but it's very handy to have there when we need it.

We're both happy with the arrangement, but I said to a friend the other day that I'd just quickly check whether DH was home yet and looked at my phone, and she reacted like what I was doing was really awful. She was gobsmacked and sort of acted like it was a controlling/abusive thing (despite it being both ways). I've mentioned it to several friends since and I've had very mixed reactions. Some couples do the same, some thought it was very odd.

AWBU? Is this a weird invasion of each other's privacy?

Seems some people who use the tracking will go to great lengths to explain or justify why.

Same as you OP, we have this for the family. It’s consensual and neither of us are doing anything we wouldn’t tell the other about anyway. We have quite boring lives!

I am definitely not checking DHs location ‘constantly’ - some posters seem to think we are glued to it! Why would I do that? I only use it occasionally mainly to check what time he’s going to be home for dinner, back for childcare etc.
He cycles so doesn’t hear his phone if I message him, and he was always forgetting to text when he left work.

I guess we have an honest trusting relationship so it’s fine for us, but if I felt pressured into it or felt ‘checked up on’ I would not have agreed. However I often get similar horrified reactions when I tell people.

Also for me it’s an element of security especially if I am walking home late, same for teen DD.

Anyway it’s a useful tool for us - we also have a shared family calendar app on our phones. We are both quite organised people and like things being planned, don’t like surprises, but I guess that’s our personal preference, I know it’s not how everyone likes to live.

However it has reminded me that I’ll talk to the DCs about only ever sharing their phone location with someone they fully trust.

We have it on aswell. Also for our teenage son. We initially started using it as my husband cycles in the woods near our house. This woods is huge!! He fell off his bike in a nasty fall and knocked himself out for a bit. When he came back I got an awful fright. He could have been lying there for ages and I wouldn't know where to look for him. This was when we started sharing our location. Another time he got a puncture in the back end of somewhere and I was able to get to him with whatever he had asked me to bring.

We now use it really for what time to put food in oven really and for boring things like that. My friends all think its weird but when I explained like above they all agreed its great although I think they still think its weird!! We are together a long long time and we know eachother inside out. No trust issues and controlling behaviour. X

We've got a family one and I'll use it when I'm making tea to see if anyone stuck in traffic to slow tea down etc, or check on my DS coming home from school if he's running later than usual
I think it can be a great tool, as long as it's not over used

I get your point but we could say the same about everything.
Why do kids going to high school HAVE to have phones (and most parents think they do for safety at least). Kids have been going to school for decades before without having one 😉

thats some reading of the situation. He may well have gone on to phone or message his wife or the nursery at 5.03pm but upon checking his phone he will have seen that the issue was sorted and the pressure was off.

he could even have been in the lift or at the front door of the building and leaving at 5pm as planned.

utterly bizarre.

Nobody has to justify it. Nobody is answerable to you. You have asked repeatedly why people use it and they are giving you the courtesy of answering you. 😆

That wasn’t my example. But I’m going to go out on a limb and say it was that couple’s preferred way to deal with that situation. There’s not one right way to do everything.

I’m out- if you think that any tracking at all is excessive, and mine and my husband’s behaviour to each other is unacceptable, then we’re clearly never going to find any common ground.

I have nothing to hide, but tracking people's whereabouts feels inappropriate to me. I can't put my finger on why I feel like that

My wife and I are both adults with free will too. If we make a split decision occasionally based on the app and it turns out to be wrong because the person then does something else that’s just life, isn’t it?

Who expects their dinner on the table when they get in?!

I have fallen down a rabbit hole here?

Ha ha ha ha ha!!! I’m not using the app, it’s just on in the background. 🤦🏻‍♂️😆

I would go beserk if I was being tracked. I wouldn't track my OH either. We don't need or want to know where each other is every minute of the day, we're not five!
All these excuses about not being able to phone or text because they're at work or driving is nonsense.
It smacks of pathetic neediness and control.

thats a waste of time when I can just have a quick glance of the app as I’m climbing into the car. Who’s to say she’ll even answer or if she does we’ll even be able to hear each other properly and then there will be a huge faff. Fuck that.

That’s fair enough.
But her reason as to why tracking location is useful, didn’t serve to solve any potential problems did it?!

He didn’t know there was a delivery and wouldn’t have learned there was one unless a text was sent or a call made!

We do it! I see if he’s left work so I can put dinner on, that sort of thing. Not sure if he checks mine - prob for a similar reason - am I at home or work etc.

You are not ‘using’ the app while driving … it’s just on your phone, same as any other app…. 🙄

I don't even text if I'm going to be late. I say on my way when I finish.

He rings me on my way home to chat. Plus my commute can be anything from 70 mins to 120mins depending on whether the M62 is blocked yet again.
He always has dinner ready for us when I arrive home. It's nice to eat together as a family.

Yes, we eat together as a family too. Always have done.

I don’t need talk tracking app to facilitate this, never have!

Dinner on the table and getting dinner on is being used a lot here 😂

Why? Does he have a different finish time by hours each day?
Just plate it up for him or make it later, better still, tell him to make himself something when he gets home.

Nobody has to justify it or feel that they are answerable to others on the thread.

Personally I feel its a bit weird that anyone thinks they can judge the consensual actions of others for something as harmless as an app that makes family life easier but ho hum....

@Westernesse wow. Well, that’s just the epitome of laziness that you can’t be arsed to have a quick conversation with your OH. You are basing your decision on a location? That’s pure laziness too…nobody is THAT busy.

We wouldn't do it and frankly find it a bit weird that adults in a relationship track each other (as to me it does imply a lack of trust)

It’s not ‘every minute of the day’. As many people have said, they use it occasionally because it is useful. Why would I be looking at my phone all day? Crazy.

And not wanting to text while driving is a very valid reason.

We also have location sharing on for the whole family…. Nothing to hide.

The kids make a joke of us keeping track of them, but tbh, they probably track our location more actively than we do them. Indeed, they ask ‘why are you in ……’ at which point we point out they are stalking us.

I also have shared location info with an old female friend of mine…. We used to meet up a lot and it was easier to find each other. We rarely speak much these days, as we both have very different lives, and i suspect we both know we shouldn’t have this on, but i kind of regard it as a bit of protection for her that i can find her in an emergency. I have been a bit of an emergency saviour for her at times, making sure she got home to her husband when she took i’ll when we were out once or home safely when we ended up taking trains in difffernet directions. Sometime giggle at the places in the world we both fly too too.

Sometimes use it to share our location when i visit friends in the other part of the country and i’m off visiting them, so they can see where i am en route.

I guess location sharing is one of those great feature that can be abused by controlling people, and some people have been abused, so are naturally more anxious about it. I have nothing to hide from my partner or kids, i’d happy have them know where i am at all times, even if it weren’t reciprocated and i don’t feel it controls me.

I guess we’re all different.