To have DH's location visible at all times?

[Algor1thm]

This should really be AWBU because it's the same for both of us. We've had location sharing on between us 24/7 for a couple of years now. I can always see where DH is and vice versa. It's hugely helpful and we turned it on for very practical reasons. No more messaging each other where are you, having to explain that we're stuck in traffic, worrying about each other if we're running late etc. It's certainly not to 'check up on each other', there has never been a hint of suspicion of infidelity in the relationship and we both trust each other fully. Days go by without me checking his location, but it's very handy to have there when we need it.

We're both happy with the arrangement, but I said to a friend the other day that I'd just quickly check whether DH was home yet and looked at my phone, and she reacted like what I was doing was really awful. She was gobsmacked and sort of acted like it was a controlling/abusive thing (despite it being both ways). I've mentioned it to several friends since and I've had very mixed reactions. Some couples do the same, some thought it was very odd.

AWBU? Is this a weird invasion of each other's privacy?

@Coffeetableposhbooks quite the contrary…I think you’ll find what I’m doing is actually thinking. Other ppl are underthinking and assuming information based on a location finder!!

We use Life360 as well, no issues with it at all. I don't understand all the "just text or call" comments. If my husband is driving he can't text, and I'd rather he'd not talking on the phone either, even if it's hands free,and same if I'm driving. My husband's phone will ping when I'm almost home and he can open up the door and come to help me carry things in, so works for me!

Oh my God. Just to make a quick decision as to whether I had to faff about trying to lure the dog back into the house or not. If she was still an hour away I would probably have made the effort and made myself late, if she’s 10 mins away then great, the dog can just sit there looking furious while I drive away.

this is crazy. 😆

^CraneBoysMysteries
Yesterday DH was due to pick the kids up from nursery. I checked to see if he left work at 5, he hadn't. I'm a little closer so decided to get them and let him know. He'd got stuck it a work meeting and wouldn't have been able to text me

JonSnowsCupbearer
From your OP it just sounded like he had no responsibility towards the situation, so apologies for the derail!

@Westernesse No, it did not seem that way at all from the original post. You fabricated that.^

Nothing fabricated....
The OP of this clearly stated that the DH was due to collect the children from nursery but OP checked his location and realised he was still at work, so she made the decision to collect the children. There is no mention of the DH making an alternative plan or taking responsibility.

I have it with my DD now she's an adult and we like to have a look and see where each other are at out of curiosity

That makes me shudder.

I realise that I am quite self contained and independent. Like a couple of weeks ago I had the day off and Mr Monkey went in to work. I decided to take myself off to a different city to see an art exhibition I was interested in. I saw no need to tell him as he was at work and I planned to be back by dinner time.

Why would it enhance his life to know what I was doing or where I was? I told him that evening as I enjoyed it and felt he might also want to go at some point.

This would make me feel incredibly claustrophobic and controlled and I think DH would feel the same. Why does your spouse need to know if you're in the spar/on the road/at work? Even if they were in an accident, what could you do about it after the fact? Knowing where they are won't make a difference. I would actually hate this.

I don't know anyone in real life that has an app to stalk their partners.

Only on mumsnet does someone find it 'just so helpful that they know when to pop the tea on' 🤢

It’s completely fine OP I get how you’re both using it. I have my location services turned off because I don’t want my devices tracking my every movement over years. But if I wanted to use it I can see how it could be handy.

Well I knew he was home for the evening with DC, doing dinner and evening routine etc. Bar an emergency like the house was on fire I knew he wouldn't have left. And if there was an emergency he'd call me. It's all very specific to the circumstances to your own life and relationship - in the case of ours it makes sense. We have small children and we're boring.

I wouldn’t like it; but as it works for you both then it’s up to you

You know by calling the person and saying?
hey, where are you?
what’s your plan?
will you be home in the next 10mins?
ok great I’ll leave the dog in the garden is that ok with you?
🙄

So he'd never pop out to post a letter or take DC for a walk? Go to by you a surprise?

Lots of posters are getting totally hung up on specific examples others have given where they've found it helpful. Lots of 'what abouts' and 'why didn't you...'

The fact is in (most) of those examples, the user found it helpful and both parties had agreed it worked for them. There is no further arguments or picking it apart.

Some use it and find it useful, some don't and wouldn't use it ever

As long as both parties use it respectfully and are on board with it then it works.

It's not for everyone and I'd personally never encourage others to use it as we do as they probably have their own ways of working. In the same way I wouldn't expect others to question why we do it this way. It works for us, end of.

Absolutely ^^

Your drip feed makes no sense @Algor1thm and if that was his reply to you having to possibly change your plans then he’s a knob.

@Westernesse

'It just does. I’m not going to text while I’m driving or sent repeated texts giving constant updates or constant phone calls. We can simply see where we each other is if we are delayed or whatever'

I meant YOU are using the app whilst driving.

I would absolutely hate that and it feels controlling and creepy to me. But thats me, not you, so if you are both fine with it then carry on. But I think if you tell people about it you will get alternative opinions because many of us would hate it and will express that. If you both like it then just ignore those opinions.

We don’t have it. Sometimes I do think it would be handy to be able to check if DH was nearly home.
But overall I’m of them belief that it’s just a bit too big brother.

my friend has it on with her DH and when we’ve occasionally met up and gone out for lunch in different areas of the country to where either of us live, he’ll message her to check in and say something like ‘ooh lunch at x, very nice.’
it makes my skin crawl and just seems so snoopy and weird, like he was cheap king up on her as there was no need to check if she was on her way at that point.

@whataboutsecondbreakfast and @Quincythequince
I am not being disingenuous nor am I normalising abusive behaviour to my children. If anything, I hope that if in future they have a partner who tracks them excessively then they’ll be slightly better able to spot that and call it out, precisely because they’ve seen DH and me use it in a sensible non-abusive way.

After all, the next generation does not avoid using something just because their parents didn’t use it. Quite the opposite in fact.

Hear hear!!

YANBU if it's mutual and agreed to by both parties.

I admit, I do find it kind of weird; on the rare occasions one of us is stuck somewhere we'll just let the other know, but it's not like that's common enough for us to need to track one another.

No, he wouldn't take DC out for a walk in the dark in winter not long before bedtime, or to the postbox. They're very little. Ditto with going out to buy me a surprise gift (I wish) 😂😂 If he had had to leave the house he would have let me know as it would have been out of the ordinary.

I'm not sure why we're exploring the minutiae of a specific, mundane situation that happened in my life, but I think you're going to have to accept my life plays out differently to yours.

Our family of 4 have it. I don’t use it much - maybe to check if my DD is on the train back from college so I can surprise her with a lift from the station - that sort of thing. When she turned 16 I said she could turn it off but she didn’t want to.

Are there a lot of women on here who have dinner on the table when their presumably male DP walks in?

My male husband has the dinner on the table when I walk in.

Tracking anyone at all, when it’s not needed, is excessive.

If both parties agree, that still doesn’t make it ok.

And your example of a delivery needing to be dealt with, makes no sense. If you wanted him to manage it, why not ask? And if you ordered it, why not just deal with it.

How did you know he would even stay in to take it if he didn’t know about it (which you’re saying he didn’t).

How is a text more intrusive on your time, than you having to check location all the time?