To be annoyed and angry with DH

[Topoftheworldtonight]

on a 2 night trip to London with DH and the kids. Our first day here. We’re still out now. Since it went dark earlier this evening DH has not stopped saying “we need to go back to the hotel”, “it’s too dark”, “it’s not safe” and so on. I’ve told him to stop and he won’t. Aibu to be angry and annoyed with him? We’re on our way back to the hotel now but earlier I had to keep explaining to him for hours that just because it’s dark we don’t have to go straight back to the hotel. He’s been making the same comments for hours and hours since it went dark

He whined and whined whilst they were out. He deliberately sought to pressure them out of doing what they wanted in favor of what he wanted. So yes, he whined till he got his own way. Not as early as he wanted, but he sure didn’t care about what they wanted, only him.

So by that way of thinking you are saying all the parents who live in London are not protecting their family. How ridiculous

Why was London even chosen as a location for this break if the DP is that paranoid?

just wandering around the streets on a dark January night, during a weather warning. It must have been slashing down, freezing cold and miserable
It was totally clear in Kent last night so probably the same in London. Chilly but totally dry.

If he’s worried/anxious, why would he be comfortable leaving his wife and children in a situation he doesn’t want to be in, assuming he cares about you all.

I understand the frustration but yabvu to be “angry” at him being scared/anxious.
It depends on a lot of things. Did he voice these fears before going? Did he make any attempt to engage in rationalising how he feels or just make it miserable for everyone? Did he have any plan other than just sit in the hotel room for 16ish hours? Pretty sure loads of people would be castigated on here if they went on holiday with children and spent that long just on tablets or watching TV when they could be exploring and enjoying themselves.

He may well be anxious. In that case however don't go. I'm struggling really badly with my anxiety this weekend. We have a family trip out planned tomorrow. If I still feel really shit, I won't go as it would ruin it for everyone else. Everyone else can go and they will have a fine time.
What wouldn't be fine is if I go, moan and make it awkward for everyone else and we all end up having to go home early.

You're kidding right?

She'd be urged to get her finances sorted for the inevitable divorce.

Well presumably he could be comfortable with it because:

1. He respects his wife as an autonomous adult capable of making her own decisions about what is safe for her and her children.
2. He’s able to apply balanced and rational thinking to realise his fears are overblown and his own issue that he has to deal with.
3. He can look around and see he is in a busy place, full of other couples and families and people enjoying themselves and therefore this is as safe a place as any.

I'm not that keen on heights but I know it's an irrational fear. I wouldn't personally go on a rollercoaster or up a very tall building but I wouldn't stop my kids doing it and in fact I went up several tall buildings (e.g, Burj Khalifa) when they were little because I didn't want it to impinge on their fun or become an issue in their lives.

The DH's fear is irrational. There's a very big difference between the danger of central London at 5pm and other parts of the city at 3am.

Exactly. Every word of this.

But it sounds like you're used to managing your anxiety and know you have it.

In this case it seems the OP's husband was suddenly hit by it, and in that unreasonable state of mind was also too afraid for his family to go back alone.

It was a one off. A weak panic attack.

Getting angry helps how in such situations?

Central London is very busy at that time of night

It’s not like other cities that close down at a certain time.

They are here for 2 nights and they are making the most of everything being open.

Sitting in a hotel room from 4.30pm which was when the Dh wanted to return because he felt unsafe is a complete waste of everyone’s time.

Unless Dh is some drug dealer or belongs to a local gang and has strayed into a rivals territory then he is as safe as he would be in his own town. Probably safer given the cctv and general police presence.

i think get a grip would be the response.

Yeah but being “scared” of being out at night in London is very neurotic and sends a really terrible signal to your kids.

Yeah up to a point you have to respect people’s anxieties but you can’t let this dictate the activities for the whole family and instil irrational fear into your kids.

I doubt this is an actual phobia, probably just being stuck in his ways and timid. If he actually has a diagnosis of phobia around being out at night in C London he needs help from a psychiatrist or counsellor. Otherwise he needs to stop pushing out stuff like this which needlessly restricts his wife and kids.

Proof?

I can’t wait to see the thread about the woman so terrified at 5pm when WITH her husband, that she insisted on going home, and all the sympathy she got. 🙄

Oh you were there so you know how many times he said something about it, do you?

I was out on the south bank last night. It wasn't cold or wet. The lights were beautiful on the south bank and the view down the river was lovely. Passed all the chain restaurants which were full including there being children. London can be an exciting place to be in the evening for kids, not just during the day, especially on holiday when you get that feeling as a kid of staying up late. Kids should be allowed to experience that

It's really sad to see lots of posters saying it's ok for OP to have been angry at her DH.

😂 it definitely wouldn’t and you know it. The husband would be being called controlling and abusive if it was the other way.

I have had some really memorable times in London when dc were young. After a show and a late night pizza a group of us walked up Oxford street and stopped and had a dance or 2 with a band of steel drum players. All the children were dancing. Dd and Ds still remember that night.

The thing with London is you can plan your days but wandering around at night there is so much you can do that is unplanned.

Tbh saying you are afraid and insisting everyone sits in the hotel room at 4.30pm is controlling.

Central London is rarely dark, it is very much 24/7 these days, & mostly it is safe providing that ‘street smarts’ are switched firmly on. Street robberies are as likely to in broad daylight as nighttime, particularly in ‘tourist’ areas where people are not as switched on.

However, for some people the noise, crowding & sensory load can be overwhelming, & this can ramp up anxiety levels so that concerns about it being ‘dark’ can feel ‘right’/legitimate. It sounds like your DH became overwhelmed & needed to be in a quieter place with some autonomy over his environment.

Most of the stabbings in London involve young men or are perpetrated by people known to the victim. The chances of being stabbed when out with your family are vanishingly small and you're much more likely to die in the car journey down than when you're here.

What is he scared of? Just found really pathetic and I'd be telling him to stay in tomorrow. Poor wee petal.

Because he was being bloody stupid. Pay to go to London for a couple of nights and then sit in the hotel from 5PM because the poor wee lamb is scared? No. Pathetic.

He was told he could go back to the hotel if he didnt want to be out. He declined. He doesnt get to control everyone else because of his irrational fear of the dark.

Was he attacked at night or something earlier in life?