I know I am AIBU, but whenever child-free ppl complain about being tired I get annoyed, barring medical/health issues

[worldenoughandtime]

This is just a secret confession here, in the anonymity of the internet, and I hope I have enough social skills to disguise my true feelings. Which is of extreme annoyance when child-free people complain about being tired (given there are no aggravating health concerns). (In my social circle at least, people complain about being tired and busy all the time).

The tiredness that comes with managing kids - especially more than one, and especially for lone/single parents of which there seems to be more and more- is just on a different level. Needed to get that off my chest.

I did get irrationally irritated when my colleague compared my tiredness from having 2 kids puking through the night, to her having gone on a night out, and slept until 2pm on Sunday, thus struggling to get up on Monday. But I also can’t pretend I was never tired pre children.
I think it’s perfectly understandable to get annoyed at things when you’re in the thick of it.

But you don't know everybody's health details. They might have undiagnosed conditions, might love to have been tired due to children but had losses, might be in crap accommodation so they never get solid, refreshing sleep, could be working really hard or permanently stressed, constantly disturbed by neighbours or a selfish spouse, not eating properly - any number of reasons that you won't know because it's none of your business. I know that prior to diagnosis, I was on the receiving end of bollocks from people who would say I couldn't possibly be tired because I was young. I've hallucinated from tiredness before having children and long after they grew up and left home, been so much more tired than I was after they got to about 6 years old.

Or they could just be fucking knackered.

Surely everyone gets tired sometimes though? I have 3 children and feel tired a lot but I can remember also being tired before I had children.

Well, isn’t this some glib, goady shite.

Why would you be annoyed that somebody else feels tired? It makes no sense, it is not like there is a finite amount of “tiredness” to go around.

One of the reasons I’ve not persued having kids is because I never have any energy and am always tired. No (known) health issues but I do work long hours. I have other friends who don’t seem to get as tired despite having busier lives on paper. I have a friend who only sleeps 6 hours a night, no kids and flexible job hours so could have a lot more if she wanted but just doesn’t need it. I feel exhausted on 7-8 hours sleep. There’s more to being tired than how many hours sleep you get. It also depends on what your day-to-day life is like. I have a friend who is on maternity leave with a very chilled 10 month old who sleeps through the night, they spend the day doing lovely things like walks in park and trips out to coffee shops, she has a cleaner and she has a supportive partner who pulls his weight. I’d argue at this point in time her life is in many ways less busy/ stressful than mine where I work 50-60 hour weeks in a relatively demanding job and live alone without anybody to share the burden of housework/ cooking etc. Obviously if she had a high needs baby, an unsupportive partner or didn’t have so much disposable income I might say differently. Everyone’s life is different and you can’t really make blanket statements like ‘people who have kids are more tired than those who don’t’ because there are so many other factors to take into account.

I’m guessing this is coming from a very sleep deprived place OP and for that, absolute sympathies. There’s a lot of us in the same boat with young kids but YABU.

Pre-DC I had an extremely time consuming and stressful job which involved stupid amounts of unpaid overtime and at least one client that had the ability to reduce me to tears each week. I could not sleep with anxiety, worry and stress. I would take children that don’t sleep through the night any day of the week rather than go back there. No one else other than my DH knew though and the point is that everyone has stuff going on and of course people without kids can be exhausted.

"@PAFMO Of course taking care of children is hard work! It just happens to be unpaid for when done by mothers. That's all. It's work alright. It's both physical and emotional labour. There are studies out there showing how much this labour is worth."

You missed the bit where I said I wasn't childfree.

I don't believe for a nanosecond you work btw. There's a sniff of housewife and disapproval of working mothers coming off you as well as the goadyfuckery about the childfree.

If me talking about tiredness annoys you then good. You have never and will never spend a day in my shoes, and it sounds like empathy and awareness are foreign concepts to you OP.

I don't come on AIBU that often. I needed reminding why and this thread is the perfect example of why I avoid it at all costs.

@worldenoughandtime I have noticed that child-free people do become emotionally invested in things that occupy the similar sort of "child-like" role of concern, worry, and financial expenditure in their lives.

Kind of disgusting prejudice in this statement, to be honest. Child-free people are clearly just filling the chasm left vacant by the lack of children.

Or, alternatively, human beings often like to invest themselves into projects that they value. And they make different choices.

Do you have a medical condition that entitles you to be tired? 😆

Wait for menopause (night sweats, insomnia) plus elderly and ailing parents, plus an expectation (or maybe even desire) to be unpaid childcare for GCs, alongside a FT job you know everyone would rather you left so they can employ a younger model.

You don't known you're born OP 😆

YABU.

You don’t know anything about someone else’s circumstances and having kids is not the only reason someone might have for being tired.

I felt tired before I had children. I felt tired after having children.

My sisters used to eyeroll at me saying I was tired pre-children and it used to drive me mad. Like no one has an opinion or can have a moan unless they've reared kids??

I've learnt over a long time that each persons stress and tiredness is individual. I can't be angry or frustrated at someone who has a far less stressful job than mine who moans about being stressed or tired because it's just how they're wired and isn't actually relative to the job roles. Some people can cope and some find it more difficult.

Don't hold it against a childless person and be mindful of why some - not all - people do not have children.

You should be grateful for having a family it's not a "tiredness competition"

Everyone gets tired 🙄

Yes absolutely OP - completely aware it’s unreasonable and would never say it out loud to people without kids but fully fully it is there. And that’s ok! Humans are allowed to be imperfect resentful envious etc. beings! And nice to be able to share anonymously in an in theory safe space.. good god tho some of the sanctimonious responses on here.. I suppose it’s a confession that triggers something deep in people; it’s interesting.

I get annoyed with people who complain about being tired because they have multiple children.
Ever heard of contraception? A guaranteed cure for tiredness.

Nobody without kids sleeps. We don’t need it, obviously 🤣

I have wondered if child-free ppl complaining a lot about being tired may have undiagnosed medical conditions.

I'm starting to understand you OP. Because I also wonder if clearly empathy free people complaining a lot about things they wouldn't complain about if they had empathy may have undiagnosed medical conditions.

I don't have children by choice, I don't have any debilitating health conditions and while my job can be stressful, I'm not a brain surgeon or a firefighter or a deep-sea fisherman or anything like that.

However, sometimes I get tired, because I'm human, and I couldn't give a single shiny shit if martyr mummies think I'm wrong.

As a PP said, I rarely come out the blocks roaring, but you really can fuck right off with this shit, OP. You're the sort of person who gives parents a bad name.

I was told off for saying I slept well by someone with a newborn. Now I'm not allowed to be tired (insomnia has come back). Please let us childfree folks know what to say to not piss off people that have chosen to have sleep zappers in their lives.

I have noticed that child-free people do become emotionally invested in things that occupy the similar sort of "child-like" role of concern, worry, and financial expenditure in their lives

Yep, us childfree live the high life. No bills, money just flows into our bank accounts without the tedious business of working, families don't cause us one minute's worry or concern and properties look after themselves. Livin' the dream planning our permanent holiday life, us sprogfree types.

And I thought OP's posts before this one were stupid.

If you were actually a nurse you would understand other people's health conditions are none of your business. They could be diagnosed, you don't have to be informed. It's none of your business.