I know I am AIBU, but whenever child-free ppl complain about being tired I get annoyed, barring medical/health issues

[worldenoughandtime]

This is just a secret confession here, in the anonymity of the internet, and I hope I have enough social skills to disguise my true feelings. Which is of extreme annoyance when child-free people complain about being tired (given there are no aggravating health concerns). (In my social circle at least, people complain about being tired and busy all the time).

The tiredness that comes with managing kids - especially more than one, and especially for lone/single parents of which there seems to be more and more- is just on a different level. Needed to get that off my chest.

My brother does have a child but doesn’t live with them and so has a lot of child-free time.

I secretly get very annoyed/jealous when he moans about being tired after work and how he’s too tired to cook and so he’s going to get a take away and have a lie in the next day.

People without children cannot understand how easy their life is when they can literally just get ready and walk out of the door and go somewhere in the spur of the moment after work.

It is physically and mentally exhausting having children but I would let someone who’s child free vent to me about being tired because they probably are as it’s all relative.

I think I know what you’re getting at. Before having children I’d experienced proper tiredness - usually self inflicted, big night out, hangover, or maybe when I was (much haha) fitter and I did the occasional half marathon. Whereas with children there is a kind of permanent exhaustion, especially managing children, their needs, their poor sleep (currently back at that newborn stage with DD although DS is a very good sleeper) and juggling that with work and managing a household, that I didn’t have before I had children.

But then I have friends who work in city law firms and work 80 hour weeks etc and I’m sure they also feel a permanent exhaustion too despite being child-free. So yes it’s children that made me tired in that permanent kind of exhausted way, but I think that’s my own circumstances and not exclusive to children.

YABU and I say that as a 59 year old single foster carer to a toddler with complex needs who is up and screaming hourly most nights. I was more tired when I worked shifts looking after children with complex medical needs. Night shifts are the work of the devil and there is a good reason why the life span of 24/7 shift workers is lower than the general population's.

The most tired I’ve ever been was when working full time in a demanding job and providing care for my mother. Working almost part time even with a small child as I do now doesn’t compare.

So if you don't have children you shouldn't complain your tired? What about shift worker's staff who keep our hospitals, emergency services and care home's going while the majority of us are in bed. As well as the multiple other jobs that need to operate 24 hour's. Some might have grown up children so aren't needed so much. Or do you not consider them entitled to be tired. Try sleeping in the day no matter how tired I am. I find it impossible.

Don't forget about the handbags, the endless spa days and the troops of cleaners marching through our spotless houses.

I have health conditions, I work almost FT in a stressful job, AND I have children.

Do I win? Can I be the most tired of all please?

It's in my username so, I have to win. Thems the rules. 🤭

You know what’s tiring? 3 years of IVF. £10K down, the only positive pregnancy test ending in miscarriage and still being childless. And THEN having to listen to people constantly moaning about how inconvenient their kids are and being constantly told ‘you don’t know tired unless you’ve had kids!’ Or ‘you don’t know love unless you’ve had kids!’. Fuck off.

I happen to think

Your posts show no evidence of any sort of thinking so don't make us laugh. Bet you're an absolute charmer as a colleague.

And fuck off with your judgemental shit and ignorant prejudice.

YABU, sorry. You don’t own the right to claim that people without kids couldn’t possibly be as tired as you. It just doesn’t work like that.

You've only gor TWO kids, OP? What the fuck are you whining about then? I have twice as many as you, which means I must be twice as tired as you, and you shut never say you're tired!

IS what I might say if I was as twatty as your posts are making you come across as. But I'm not and I would never say something so bloody rude or stupid.

Cop yourself on.

YABU. I’m more tired now than I was when my children were small. Though I’m more than 20 years older than I was when I had little children- now work and life exhausts me in my mid 40s, when I was in my 20s with little ones I had far more energy

I’m child free OP and I’m knackered.

I am 17 weeks pregnant and have to have a termination for medical reasons next week.

I’ve spent over a month sick with worry as to what was wrong with my baby after our 12 week scan and I’ll spend god knows how long (months ? Years?) feeling tired and exhausted from the trauma of terminating a much wanted and loved daughter.

But I shall be in that child free group who obviously isn’t as important as yours OP.

Your attitude thoroughly disgusts me.

The OP did say they knew they were being unreasonable but I do think if a lot more women had known the 'truth' of what motherhood would entail I think some would have opted out. I can see though that there's a degree of resentment though from the OP.

Yep, us childfree live the high life. No bills, money just flows into our bank accounts without the tedious business of working, families don't cause us one minute's worry or concern and properties look after themselves. Livin' the dream planning our permanent holiday life, us sprogfree types.

I think you’re missing the point.

No one is saying that child free adults don’t have big issues and worries but parents also have those issues and worries too but they also have extra issues and worries and less sleep due to children.

It’s like a college or uni student complaining how tired they are - which they will be.
But they will have a much less stressful life than an adult working FT.

Also, if you’re that fucking tired after one that you can’t show a tiny bit of empathy towards anyone who doesn’t have children but might still be tired, why in gods name did you have another?

know plenty of childfree (by choice, shock horror!) people that are exhausted and burnt out from work, general life, lack of sleep etc. Im a single mum of three, two of whom have additional needs. Im tired yes, but thank fuck I don’t have a 50hr work week to compete with because the child rearing people can’t pick up the slack or have to listen to the never ending idiotic comments on how I'm less because I don’t have children!

Does not compare to what tho?

Not being able to sleep due to poor mental health? Not being able to sleep due to money worries or not having a secure home or being stressed about a dying relative or caring for a vulnerable loved one? Having little time to sleep because they're working 60 hours a week just to make ends meet?

Or a couple with one 14 yo that is well behaved and they both have secure well paid jobs? A single Mom with a secure income and a baby who slept thru from 12 weeks? A family with 5 kids and a Nana who has them every weekend so they get a break? A family with a night nanny?

There are a ton of people with different exclusives and circumstances and you're not the most tired of anyone who hasn't procreated.

And I say this as the mother of toddler twin boys

This is truly awful. I'm so sorry

I am in my 60's with 3 adult children. I can honestly say I am more tired now after working full time in a fairly physical job than I was when I had 3 under 3 year olds.
Looking after children is no more stressful than working and budgeting especially at the moment. If it is you're doing it wrong. Food.

I'm significantly less tired now that I decided to cut out all annoying people who tell me that my life is less than, my tiredness is less than and my ability to love less than that of a parent.

I only hope that the people who the OP insult do the same to her. Because they do know you look down on them.

I won't tell you to fuck off because that won't make any difference to your narrow minded pathetic little views. I just hope that any childfree person who has the misfortune to encounter you and your silly little hierarchy of tiredness decides that their best bet is to fuck off away from you.

Teaching is more tiring than having children. With my own there are no targets set & if I have a bad day nobody will email a complaint about me.

I slept better when mine were babies as we did routine & they both slept through from 6ish weeks. I am now menopausal after a spell on prednisolone and the combination of the two has totally messed up my sleep. So I am permanently exhausted.

I find it surprising when people comment on being tired with children - as if nobody ever mentioned it 🙄

I have 2 kids, and find your post ridiculous. Of course people can be tired. And for you to get annoyed.....you chose to have kids, so no need to be jealous of people who can't/didn't.

What about people who are always running around caring for relatives, what about people who live it up in their free time partying so it catches up in the week, what about people who do voluntary work that you probably don't even know about.

and why need to be on MN, if you're not Mum !

I did get bored with my siblings wanging on about how tired they were over Christmas when I'd had flu for three weeks and zero time to recover because I'd chosen to have two kids. Still, I do love them!

Them surfacing at 11am most days was particularly galling.