To ask what you think when a divorcee gets engaged

[Redstopgreengo]

Just that really. What goes through your mind when someone you know, who has been through a divorce, gets engaged to a serious partner? My DP and I have been discussing getting married and it's making me nervous telling people incase they judge. I want nothing more than to marry him and I'd happily run off and just do it without anyone knowing but he would love family and friends there and to be honest I would prefer that too but I'm scared there will be judgement and eye rolling since I've done it before.

Not sure why you'd think they'd judge? I'd just be happy for you both

I'd think 'congrats'.

Unless it's about 3 minutes since they split up with previous DH.

I think third time around I would be more skeptical though.

I think ‘how lovely, I hope they will be gloriously happy together’. Don’t give what anyone else says a second thought, if you are happy and in love then do it

I think, "good for them that they've found someone again". My husband and I have both been married before and everyone we know was very happy for us when we got engaged/married.

I would only roll eyes if it is super quick after the divorce. I've been to a couple of second weddings and they are just as lovely as first weddings!

I think "congratulations"

I think good for you!

I'd be very happy for them.
If I'm honest though, I think monster weddings with a lot of expense for guests are a bit unreasonable if you've already had one of those, but anything 'moderate' is fine.

If you two want to get married then get married. Who gives a toss what anyone thinks? They’re unlikely to think anything of it tbh, DH and I were both married before, my dad remarried, we know plenty of people on their second marriages. My SIL is on her third. If you’re happy I expect they’ll be happy for you. If they’re not why give their opinion any weight?

I don’t really think anything. I say congratulations, and get on with my life.
I might then once in a while enquire politely how the wedding planning is going, but otherwise it won’t take up much of my though space.

Second marriages are so common these days that I can’t imagine people being judgy, tbh. Unless, as others say, a very short time has elapsed since the breakdown of either marriage and/or one/both of you is the OW/OM.

I wouldn’t think twice about someone marrying for a second time.

If there were no other eye-brow raising issues.

I would possibly privately be a bit eye rolley if there was a big song and dance about ‘being engaged’, but I feel that generally. I think adults ‘plan to get married’ and get on with any arrangements or announce it via a wedding invite. ‘Being engaged’ seems so Jane Austen. It seems weird to label it as a particular status.

If the marriage ended very recently, especially with the new fiancé as the affair partner, I might judge.

If someone who is divorced decides to brave it again, I’d think how wonderful it was to have found a love that makes you trust in marriage again. I’d be happy for everyone.

Unfortunately I work with some people who can be like that.

I only ask because I don't know anyone who's been divorced and then remarried so I wasn't sure how well it's usually taken but I'm so glad to see most people aren't judgemental about it! (And it's been over 5 years together and longer since the divorce so definitely not a rushed one haha)

I think, that it's none of my business.

I’d think “ You are MAD”
If you have the most assets , you’d be barking to marry again.
Second marriages tend to fail faster than first ones- If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

I wouldn’t think anything in particular, other than what lovely news.

Must be hormonal @Floomobal that made me choke up! My first marriage broke me and I swore I wouldn't ever do it again but I am with the most amazing guy now and I would marry him in a heartbeat, you've described exactly how I feel.

OP- I would be thrilled (and have been) when people in my life move into a second marriage.

After 5 yrs, that is different @Redstopgreengo
As long as you won’t lose assets in any future divorce- go ahead.

If it's someone I like and I think them and their partner are well suited I'd be delighted for them. If it's an inmate on death row/a widowed Marine from OLD who you're yet to meet, or that cocklodger you kick out every month then not do much. I would not factor in your previous marriage unless maybe it was 3 months ago.
Now marriage number 5....different matter

If dp and I get married it will be my third time. Tbh that does affect the nature of the celebration I would have ('come to lunch with us' rather than a wedding as such, obviously no presents, only really close friends and family) but I had a MASSIVE wedding for my second do because it felt like the real deal, and everyone was happy for us.

Work out what you really feel about it and let other people think what they like.

We had both been married previously and didn’t announce our engagement or wedding. We got married with x 2 witnesses and told people afterwards. I don’t think one needs to do the whole engagement, hen, wedding etc etc the second time. But that’s just us, I know others who have done the whole shebang second or even third time around!!!

I would honestly think, how lovely, and be pleased for you. And I can be judgey about really random stuff, I hate to admit. Wouldn’t cross my mind to judge this. Might wonder what the point was if it were third or fourth time round!

Ps your colleagues sound odd. Ignore

That I hope they’ll be happy?