To ask what you think when a divorcee gets engaged

[Redstopgreengo]

Just that really. What goes through your mind when someone you know, who has been through a divorce, gets engaged to a serious partner? My DP and I have been discussing getting married and it's making me nervous telling people incase they judge. I want nothing more than to marry him and I'd happily run off and just do it without anyone knowing but he would love family and friends there and to be honest I would prefer that too but I'm scared there will be judgement and eye rolling since I've done it before.

Honestly....my first thought is.... must remember to send a card.... wonder if I'll be invited to the wedding..... ooohhh hen nite.... wonder if she'll have one...god l hope it's not clubbing....

I married a divorcee 8 months ago after 4 years together. He'd been divorced 16 years and had one other 3/4 year relationship in that time over 8 years ago. Everyone on his side of the family were delighted for us as were my family.(I'm widowed) so no judgement. People can make mistakes

I think

Congratulations

And

Celebrations

You want the world to see how happy you can be!

🥂 🍾

I didn't wear white the first time (or even cream or ivory) so maybe this time I should so I get my chance

Just realised I actually assumed people just do a quick registry office marriage second time round- that's all it involves with the few people I know who felt compelled to do the whole thing twice.
Yeah, that's definitely not my thing.

is this following divorce only tho? My friend got with her ex young, married in her early 20's and thankfully split in late 20's. Divorced. Married an old friend she'd known young. Together a few years before they married, he died within a year of the wedding. She was mid 30's. Should she be alone for the rest of the life of just not marry? She had a happy surprise pregnancy with the guy she was dating, now have two children together, why is it weird to marry him?

Just because one party has been married before it doesn't mean the other shouldn't have a wedding!

I had been married before, dh hadn't and as an only child it was important to his family that they could attend our wedding.
We were married in a family church by dhs uncle, I didn't wear a big white dress!

I’ve been to four weddings with the same bride. They got bigger and more expensive each time. The fourth one was a ceremony in the Maldives followed by a party back home.
White dress and the whole enchilada each time. It was a bit much.

Why? My first marriage I was very young and my exh nearly killed me through DV. My second my exh cheated on me all the way through the marriage and lied to me re: finances. My third (which I'm still in now) was my first love. We work well as a team, financially on the same page, etc.

The legal ramifications are the same be it marriage #1 or marriage #101

So by your own admission, you’ve married two people who you didn’t even love, and made bad choices re their personality and treatment of you both times.

That’s probably what PP is referring to as weird

Only so much as I judge a first marriage, on the merits of the couple concerned.

Couple who are clearly a brilliant team, perfect for each other - lovely.

Couple who split up because one wants kids then the other doesn't but decide to get married anyway - eyebrows raised.

Where did I say that? I loved both of those men, neither showed their true nature until after marriage. Both have gone on to treat other partners the same. I'm just older and wiser and realise that marriage isn't just about love.

@Floomobal

So by your own admission, you’ve married two people who you didn’t even love, and made bad choices re their personality and treatment of you both times.

Judgemental and silly post:

a) No onE is qualified to know when they are very young what love is. Which is exactly why it’s just daft getting married young, but plenty of people do it. Making a mistake at 21 should not bar you from trying again at 32 or 45.
b) It takes more than love to make a marriage work. Above all marriage is a financial contract and what’s really important is partnership, respect and compatibility in day to day life. Love is neither here nor there beyond a certain point.

First love as in
Met dh3, fell in love. Split up.
Met dh1, fell in love married, found out he was a dick, divorced.
Met dh2, fell in love married, found out he was a dick, divorced.
Rekindled it with dh3, married. Lived happily ever after.

Not dh1 who was a dick, married him for shits and giggles. Divorced him cos she got bored. Met dh2 who was a dick, married him for shits and giggles.
Divorced him cos she got bored. Met dh3, fell in love for the first time, married him.

Also @Floomobal op isn't to blame for her ex's being violent and cheaters. It isn't HER poor decision making
Do you think their profile on Tinder says "likes to batter my woman" or "sleeps with anything that moves Inc your Mom"

Congratulations? Wouldn't occur to me to think anything else!

I wouldn't judge a 2nd marriage proposal, unless it followed a very recent split. After two failed marriages I do wonder why people bother. Both my parents are in their third marriages and to be fair they have both lasted way longer than their first two so maybe it is third time lucky!

I would think congratulations because what someone else does is none of my business. But, I would also think a second marriage is a triumph of optimism over experience and not a wise move.

I'd probably think they'd either learned some important lessons first time round.
Or they learnt nothing.

But I'd not know either way not really care as it's not my business. I'd just say congratulations, hope you're both very happy.

Absolutely nothing.