For not wanting to stay with a couple?

[LadyMaine]

I've been working on a creative project with with X for two years. We live at opposite ends of the country.

We planned two nights in a luxury 2 bedroomed apart-hotel a few miles from my house to plan the next stage of the project. We'll be spitting the cost 50/50. The idea was to give us 48 hours of clear headspace to work on the project.

Only after I booked the hotel she told me that her husband would be coming with her. (I'm single). I don't know him and don't really want to spend what I thought was going to be a 'girls' worktrip with him. I've suggested that we change to a one bedroom apartment and I just join her for work during the daytimes.

She's really keen than I come and promises that he will be out sightseeing during the daytimes. He will also buy dinner on the first night to make it up to me. She has also apologized for not asking me beforehand. The trip is her birthday present to him.

Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to stay with a couple?

Does your contact at the hotel know this is now a romantic trip? They were happy to give you a heavy discount rather than for randoms. Last time they had a hotel, so it is not the same as your agreement als He could access the room any time in the day. They are real cfs.

YADNBU. I'd be very angry in your shoes that she's hijacking the weekend for personal aims.

So glad you are standing your ground. Please continue to update.

Ask her if she'd have invited him if you hadn't been able to get a discounted room.

@LadyMaine If you haven’t paid for the apartment yet, then just cancel it. It’s the woman’s fault for buying train tickets without letting you know that she plans to change a girls weekend/work weekend into a couple’s holiday with her husband. If they still want to visit the city then they can find alternative accommodation.

Tell the woman that the two of you had planned for this to be a work’s weekend and you’re not comfortable with sharing an apartment with a man you don’t know. Suggest that you cancel this work’s event and just meet again another time. She can get a refund on her train tickets or just go anyway as a couple’s holiday and find alternative accommodation.

The nature of the work trip and how the evenings are spent is a moot point. What anyone else does or doesn't do makes no difference, it's that she changed the arrangements w/o consulting you and changed what you had agreed.

You don 't arrange something AND THEN invite your husband along.

Their train tickets are none of your business. Its cheaky of them to buy them in the first place, you shouldnt need to worry about them.

Update

She wasnt to keep the penthouse apartment and they will pay for it and also take me out to dinner on the first evening as a thank you for the big-discount and in general. I think that's a win-win. I'm so relieved. Thanks again all for your replied, they really helped me think through it.

Update

She will keep the penthouse apartment. I'll sleep at home, and we'll work during the day.

They will pay for the apartment and also take me out to dinner on the first evening as a thank you for the big-discount.

I think that's a win-win. I'm so relieved. Thanks again all for your replies, they really helped me think through it.

Signing off for now.

OP

Can you change the booking to her name? Just so you don’t get landed with the room service bill.

so are you going to work at the weekend at all, or has she just managed to secure herself a mighty discount at this hotel for just the benefit of herself and her husband?

ahh sorry,. just seen your most recent update. That seems to be the best solution after all

Enjoy your weekend OP. Nice to have a friendly thread with a positive outcome

Good result.

I know you said you're signing off but... do you get any vibes about how their relationship is? I know a pp brought this up and was mocked, but I would be alert to any signs that he's controlling and it's actually him who's foisted himself on the trip because he won't let her go alone. Have you known her to travel without him?

Done it!

Well done OP. Fantastic outcome.

Can you not just say to her that changing the parameters of the trip is not on and you do not want it to happen. Put the ball in her court - either do your workspace trip as planned without the husband, or they do his birthday gift without you. There is no reason why you should be dragged into a change of plan you were not consulted about.

Good, glad it's worked out

That's a result @LadyMaine .

Enjoy your meal out!

It sounds like it has worked out well, and she has been gracious about it as well, accepting the full costs without question and taking you out to dinner on the first night. I am sure in the future it will become a bit of a joke as to whether her dh will be 'strapped on' to every future event. Have a good wknd!

Is going to ask, do you think he's forced her hand in this. No way are you going away for a weekend in an apartment getting up to God knows what with your single friends!!

You've handled that well but I'd be wondering if she's going to always expect her DH to be there going forward. Have you actually met up without him being in the mix? Is he always muscling in on her arrangements? Seems she gets a discounted luxury hotel thanks to you but has downgraded the work side of things so all in all not very considerate or professional. If you're near the end of the project and want a friendship in the future then you probably need to tread carefully here but if not you should lay down firmer ground rules.

Yes, this is what would concern me. A writing/work retreat to collaborate is just that - a retreat. No other distractions. And if you do it properly, it's bloody exhausting!

Not swanning off sightseeing with your partner.

Yup. I am cringing at her behaviour. I wouldn't be mad keen on the dinner for three, either. It's now not one thing or another.

Yes, this.
Also, how embarrassing to be trailing your husband with you on work trips! It's so unprofessional.
Glad you've extricated yourself, OP.