For not wanting to stay with a couple?

[LadyMaine]

I've been working on a creative project with with X for two years. We live at opposite ends of the country.

We planned two nights in a luxury 2 bedroomed apart-hotel a few miles from my house to plan the next stage of the project. We'll be spitting the cost 50/50. The idea was to give us 48 hours of clear headspace to work on the project.

Only after I booked the hotel she told me that her husband would be coming with her. (I'm single). I don't know him and don't really want to spend what I thought was going to be a 'girls' worktrip with him. I've suggested that we change to a one bedroom apartment and I just join her for work during the daytimes.

She's really keen than I come and promises that he will be out sightseeing during the daytimes. He will also buy dinner on the first night to make it up to me. She has also apologized for not asking me beforehand. The trip is her birthday present to him.

Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to stay with a couple?

She sounds incredibly selfish. It’s one thing what she is doing to you, but her partners birthday present is now as a tag along on a work trip where has to stay out on his own all day and pay for everyone’s dinner in the evening. I wouldn’t be very happy with that present.

We've gotten along like a house on fire in the two years we've known each other so I was completely blindsided by this. And she didn't mention anything about bring DH along until after she bought their train tickets!

Is there a chance your contact will be pissed with YOU as the CF, for, what will appear to them, as you getting a sneaky discount for your pal and their partner?

If it could cause difficulty with your contact for you, I would just cancel. They can book a room at full price or go somewhere else.

I really wouldn’t feel I owed your work colleague anything after behaving like this. It’s incredibly piss taking.

Don’t feel bad about the fact they’ve bought train tickets already. You project colleague should have mentioned that she was bringing/thinking of bringing m her husband (birthday or no birthday) before booking tickets, she only has herself to blame!

Its especially cheeky given she knows you live locally, as why would a single person what to stay with a couple unless they were friends with both of them and then to use your discount on top to treat him makes it worse!

Work trips usually have the benefit of bonding with colleagues and networking outside of core work hours, they are not for partners to attend usually unless very good reason, eg big trio abroad (and they pay for themselves)

Definitely stay at home and if she gets at all
upset about the cost now you aren’t paying I’d cancel completely and let her learn the lesson of not discussing things in advance by losing the train fare!

There’s the possibility OP, that they organized it like this as they are a swinging couple and, after that boozy ‘reward’ dinner, you were intended as part of the ‘birthday gift’ to her H.

Read a newspaper article a couple of days ago about women finding themselves manipulated into contrived situations like this by swinging couples, so this post reminded me of that!

How old is she? She sounds really immature to be honest. Definitely stand your ground and do not pay anything towards this couples birthday weekend away! I’d be considering not working with her again….

Don't stay with them. Cancel the original booking and stay at home (you mentioned it's a few miles away) tell her to rebook for their accommodation and then have her come to yours or book a workspace somewhere for the daytime in order to work on your project. She is crazy to think you would be ok with this.

YADNBU. A birthday trip is a very couple thing. As if you want to hear them having sec through the walls on their romantic break. Sounds like your option to keep or downsize is totally fair. Does none of it count as business expenses though? As obviously she's shelling out to come and finish the project and it's now not costing you anything at all (partly her doing I'm aware)

Urg!! Can you imagine?!

I wouldn't cancel the booking - but today explain that you got a hefty discount and does she want to pay for 1 or 2 bed and leave it at that.

Getting on like a house on fire is fine over the phone/internet but this is the reality. She is a CF and has booked train tickets before discussing this with you.

No way would I share a bathroom with her husband.
Stay at home let them pay their own accommodation
I know this isn't the point of the thread but....
£750 for two bedrooms and you only get one bathroom? For that price I would expect both to have ensuite

Yes it counts as business expenses, we're both self employed. Presumably she can deduct the the transport costs from her income before tax.

Just double checked the website, there are two bathrooms, one is ensuite. I still don't want to share an apartment with a man I don't know though, so I'm definitely staying at home and they can choose what size apartment they want to to stay in (and pay for).

£250 plus train tickets is still a lot to shell out compared to OP. It's work so work costs should be split down the middle including her travel costs imo.

I think your right op.
She and DH have the weekend as a birthday thing you and colleague work in the day.
It is fair to be shipped she didn't run this past you and I'd be surprised if that was accidental since only someone with awful boundaries would not even realise it would be polite at heart even if you thought someone would say yes.
Pretty disappointing.
Yes she's doing all the travel but the fabulous accommodation very cheap obviously made it worth it, so that's fair.
The only thing that's a business expense now is her train ticket.
Sorry to hear you've been let down like this op.
I can understand if you're not very well off (for instance) that a trip like this becoming dual purpose would be tempting, but not as a fate accompli to the person you're making plans with.

She's cheeky to try to turn the discounted break you got her into a birthday treat for the husband.

I hate it when ppl randomly include partners where they don't belong!

She's 58, and has been very sensible in all my dealings with her so far.

I get the distinct impression that her husband wanted to come along and persuaded her to present it to me as a fait accompli.

The only one bathroom update absolutely swing it for me

I wouldn’t have been keen to share a bathroom with a woman I know through work if I’m honest but to add her husband I don’t know at all into the mix- no way.

Shared bathrooms are a bit of a line in the sand for me as an adult.

stick to your guns. Just go along in the daytime.

YANBU and you will get the exact same amount of work done meeting up with her in the day for a few hours as spending all day/night with her and her husband. Dynamic will change. I've done a few hotel work sessions and they're great just because there is no outside distraction.
I guess she saw her chance at a luxury getaway with DH and grabbed it but not floating that to the person paying half is not on.

I think if she had asked me before hand I would have declined, and that's probably why she didn't.

I recognise that now she's paying for all of the travel and accommodation, but I do think it's her own fault.

I'll give her the option of keeping the hefty discount and just having it as a birthday weekend, or I will come during the day. But the option of me staying overnight with them is definitely off the table.

I wouldn’t be offering to let them keep the booking at all, if I gave someone I knew a massive discount and they gave that away to someone else I’d be pissed off.

I wouldn’t want to share with them, it’s a shame she did that, it sounds like you were looking forward to the social side of the trip,

Yes it counts as business expenses, we're both self employed. Presumably she can deduct the the transport costs from her income before tax.

In that case I bet she's claiming her husbands ticket as expenses too and definitely not something you need to feel guilty about

We've met up near her before and I've paid all my own travel costs, so no, I'm not paying anything towards her travel.

And I've got her a £500 discount on the hotel. She's only paying £250 instead of £750 for a top-of-the-range duplex penthouse.