To wonder why so many people choose to have such a short age gap between their children?

[Lightningfast]

I hear of so many people with two children two years apart and can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want

a. To be pregnant with a child of around only a year old
b. To have a newborn baby when the older one is still a toddler and therefore still needs support in so many really basic ways. Sure, they don’t need the same level of support as a new baby but still...

I’ve heard the ‘they will be close enough to be friends’ theory but in practice I have seen at least as many if not rather more siblings who are close in age but are not especially close emotionally and it feels a rather weak reason.
I see this happening so often, even with mothers who have really struggled with getting their first baby to feed, sleep etc. and yet seem hellbent on having another only a matter of months later. Just...why?

If this is you I’m not judging, just genuinely interested in what you are getting out of it.

Because it worked for us.

I can't imagine planning to be out of the sleepless nights, nappies, pushchairs, changes of clothes everywhere you go stage, and starting all over again.

Because, if you can afford a crippling year of double nursery fees, you save a very expensive year of nursery rather than waiting til the oldest starts school.

Wouldn't life be boring if we all had the same ideas about what is best!

Have 13 months between 1&2 and 15 months between 2&3, wouldn't have it any other way! Currently have a 2.5 year old, a 1.5 year old and a 6 week old. Life is hectic and I'm knackered, but it's also so fun, days out are easier as don't have an older child moaning because everything has to be suitable for a younger one etc. we're getting all the sleepless nights, bottles and nappies out of the way in one go. I can't understand people with bigger age gaps 😂

I didn't want any more, as I found the whole thing absolutely exhausting even giving birth in my mid-30s. But, had I wanted number 2, I'd have had to get going when DS was about 2 really - in order to be done with non-sleeping toddlers by age 40.

MiL did a 7 year gap. I thought she was batty until she told me she could leave the baby in the lounge with SiL while she went for a wee 😄

I had looked into the research on sibling relationships and as I’d already had a girl, a 2 year gap predicted the better outcome in respect to them having a close relationship. This has been the case for my two. I was lucky and their birthdays are 2 weeks apart. There is a 2 year gap.

Are you coming back to the thread to acknowledge the many responses you’ve had, OP?

I can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want a gap of more than 2 years.

You finally get out of the daze of nappies, constant feeding, being dictated by nap times, sleepless nights …. only to go right back into it again….?

18 months and one week between our two. We started TTC when DC1 was 7 months old.

They’re 13 and 12 now, and are good friends. The first couple of years were tough, but it’s long since paid off.

There are 18 months between mine. It's not something I really over thought. We knew we wanted two, I was in a bubble of happiness having had my first, i was in my mid 30s... no one thing led to it it's just what was right for us at the time. It wasn't any harder having two close in age in my opinion - it meant we got through the sleepless nights in fewer years etc etc etc

Pleaseeee tell me how cute 1&2 are with eachother!! I'm pregnant with #2 and there will be 17 months between them, I'm so excited and I keep getting emotional about #1 no longer being the only baby but I cannot wait to see him with his little brother!
I wonder if we will have a third?🙈🙈

I was a STAM until they went to school so having them close together got the early bit over quite quickly and I could go back to work. In my daughters case she felt that she was in her mid to late 30s and was running out of time. Also her employer had really good mat leave policy, and she wanted to take advantage of that.

I have large age gaps. I am currently nearly half way through my 16 year stint of Primary School school-runs by car. Right now I can see why people have their kids close together!

It’s funny, for me I think the opposite “how can people want to go back to the baby stage when they’ve already left it?!”
I figured it was a case of head down, get through those hard 2-3 years of nappies, broken sleep, tantrums etc and get it done and dusted.
mine are just over two years apart and they’re now 10 and 12 and it’s easy and has been for years. They can do similar things, they have similar abilities, they can play together, they’re even friends with each others friends.
Friends of mine with a 3 or 4 year age gap seem to find spare time etc much harder to navigate with such different needs and abilities.

We had two with a 22 month gap. His was planned as I have a sibling 5 years older than me and we do not get on and never have done. I wanted mine to hopefully have a better relationship and dh has close gaps with his siblings and they all get on great.

mine get on 99% of the time

My most magical time was my second maternity leave when my eldest was just turned 2. It was so lovely. My eldest two are still really close and I love that they share the same interests, toys and friends. I had a 6 year age gap with my closest sister and we were never at the same stage. She was leaving primary when I started and the same with secondary. I don’t think I’d like getting on to school and then starting all over again—preferred us all going through the baby stage together. There is no perfect age gap tho..I now have more kids with a bigger gap but I honestly loved my two close in age baby/toddler years.

In our case because I got incredibly broody the minute DS1 took his first steps, at 19.5 months. There's 28.5 months between them...

DS2 is almost 2 and I have no desire to have a third. I'm getting really excited about planning things for the future with school-age child and toddler rather than toddler and baby.

We have a 12 month gap

I loved it although it was hard work

Both boys, great mates and absolutely no trouble at all (so far...🤞)

They are 17 and 18 now

Wouldn't have had it any other way

Horses for courses and all that

I don’t think 2 years is a close gap - it’s pretty standard. I think anything more than 3 is a large gap.

Anyway, there’s 16 months between mine. Contraption confusion I’ll call it and I was also convinced I had secondary infertility (I didn’t) and it would take at least a year (it didn’t).

Thank goodness I did - 6 months after having DS2 I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to have 6 months of chemo which would have made it very tricky to conceive in the future.

I think once you’re through the baby/toddler phase it’s much easier having a closer gap. My 2 boys are only a school year apart. They’re in to the same things, good mates and holidays are easy.

Unless they were reasons for it I don’t know why anyone would have a big gap.

I have two boys 11 and 12 - only 15 months apart but I didn't do it on purpose. I'm so glad I did though because the love and hate they have between them isn't something ive ever experienced. I pretty much brought them up as twins to keep my sanity in some sort of okness. I then had my daughter 5 years later and she is always saying she's lonely, I feel guilty for a second. I'm having my 4th, 6 years after the last but in reality I wish I just had one more straight after my daughter so she could also have the same experience. It's really hard though, but I was super young! (19 with 2 boys)

I really wanted a small gap. It's what I had as a child and it's also what my husband had. We both felt that was ideal.

I wanted to get the lack of sleep stage out of the way before I ever had to worry about getting to school on time!
I loved being able to do so many things with them at the same time. I never had a bored older child while I was entertaining a younger one.

Different things are going to work for different families.
It would be very sad if all families followed a set formula!

I can't understand why people say itz to get the baby stage "out of the way"

I loved having a newborn/baby/toddler and would have hated to miss out on those stages. You can't enjoy it the baby (because you also have toddler) or enjoy the toddler (because you also have a baby)

I think you can enjoy both baby and toddler though, as a lot of people have explained they managed to

I think most people want a 2 year gap.

Get it all out of the way :) 11 months between my two!

Pretty much exactly this!

And getting the nappies stage out the way faster!

And the hope that being closer in age they'd play together which they mostly do.

And my very wise big cousin told me that having them close together is difficult when they're under 5 but after that they entertain each other and it's easier 😂

They want to go through the small child phase at Once so there is no need to go back? In cases in my social circle the reason is age. When you have your first kid at 35 it's risky to wait long if you want multiple children

To get it over with. I remember thinking "if i don't have a second now, things will get easier and I'll never have the courage to go back to the baby stage".

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria same! Even more embarrassing for me, it’s happened twice 😬

My ‘odd’ children were planned to a T… the ‘even’ children… nope!