To wonder why so many people choose to have such a short age gap between their children?

[Lightningfast]

I hear of so many people with two children two years apart and can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want

a. To be pregnant with a child of around only a year old
b. To have a newborn baby when the older one is still a toddler and therefore still needs support in so many really basic ways. Sure, they don’t need the same level of support as a new baby but still...

I’ve heard the ‘they will be close enough to be friends’ theory but in practice I have seen at least as many if not rather more siblings who are close in age but are not especially close emotionally and it feels a rather weak reason.
I see this happening so often, even with mothers who have really struggled with getting their first baby to feed, sleep etc. and yet seem hellbent on having another only a matter of months later. Just...why?

If this is you I’m not judging, just genuinely interested in what you are getting out of it.

But then you can't spend the second mat leave focusing on the new baby as much as you did on the first

@Mrsjayy i agree absolutely it should be everyone’s own personal choice what they do but for me I love my job and it’s big part of my life, I didn’t want to be just seen as mum as that wont be such a big part of mt life one day and I want my career on track. I’ve wanted to train as a nurse since I was 18 but then had my eldest and not a lot of family help so have been held back till now

Surely the really expensive years are if you have two in nursery with no funded hours?

Because of my age. They are 24 months apart and very close at 10 and 12.

13 month gap here…

first 5 years, 6 miscarriages, 2 IVFs

second once lochia stopped from first prob about 2 months, I’ve no idea!

DD1 started walking when DD2 was 10 days old 😂😂😂🙈

Mine will be 1 school year apart!

I have a 1 year old boy & im 20 weeks with another boy,
I still have absolutely everything from my first (clothes, next 2 me crib, etc) - so I can reuse everything and it's all considerably new. Toys too!

But I'm so excited for the future, to see them both together, there were big gaps between me and my older siblings and they had no interest at all in what I was doing and I often felt lonely growing up. Whereas my boys will probably have similar interests, I can take them on days out and have them both enjoying the same thing, and they'll never have to feel as lonely as I did x

@Whatnextarghhhhhh we have got that expensive stage out of the way though in one go instead of paying full time childcare before the funded hours and then again a few years later they sort of were in full time childcare for a short while then followed each other to funded hours then school and now it’s much cheaper

I’m not sure that the second baby doesn’t quite like watching the older one. My second howled when he went to nursery and we had to send her for a few half-days at four months. He was great at playing with her or at least distracting her by doing funny things.

I’m not convinced that being the sole focus of attention all the time is how humans were meant to evolve.

I had three children in four years before age thirty, I don't know why but it felt right to me. Got all the hard work out the way in short order and our DC are very close now as adults. They got on and played well together as children, teen years were, ummm, tricky to say the least.
Thankfully they are independent and live in their own homes now and we're still quite youngish. Enjoying our peaceful lives and darling dog 🐕

I was (illegally) fired (for being pregnant) from my job with #1. Couldn't get another job, as pregnant, but my plan had always been 6 months ML then DH would take over. I hated being at home with a baby, but we decided that if i was ever going to have a good chance at a decent job with prospects, it would be better to get having children out of the way. So 18 months after having #1 i had #2. And went back to work, sobbing with relief, after 3 years ML.

@Whatnextarghhhhhh we also used a childminder who gave us a combined lower rate for having 2 in her care

As others have said, it's getting the baby stage out of the way quicker. I have 3 that are all 2 years apart. I'd rather it be really hard and be over quicker than it be pretty hard for (what feels like) eternity 😅
You're also not left with vast age differences for family days out.

It took me years to get pregnant with our first and figured it would be the same with our second so we'd better get cracking.
Pregnant straight away, two under two. Not ideal.

I'm one of 4 with close age gaps, and it was great as a child, there was always someone to play with.

We wanted a 2 year ish gap between DC1 and 2 because of that closeness, and knowing it means as a parent you don't have to compromise as much because you can meet both children's needs at the same time. We ended up with a smaller gap than intended, with a 21 month gap. We have 2 years 9 months between DC2 and 3. Whilst hard for the first 6 months there are many benefits after that, they play together wonderfully. The bigger 4.5 year gap between DC1 and 3 is much harder to manage, for example juggling my 7 year olds need for help with Lego with a 3 year old toddler's destructive instincts is not fun!

I was 36 with DD1 so time was a factor.

21 month gap between our two. All planned, although I didn't expect to get pregnant quite so quickly with the second, it worked out beautifully. The whole house was still set up in baby/early toddler mode, so nappies, bottles, changing table, cot, all still out and ready to use, and now at 3 and almost 5, they play with the same toys, and enjoy a lot of the same things. All the nappy, potty, baby stuff is gone, and we won't be doing it again. I lived them as babies, but that phase is such hard work, I'm glad its over. I can't imagine doing it again now.

I have 3 DC, with <2yr gaps. I had them in my 20s, so it wasn't an age thing. They are now teenagers and are still really close.

I personally would have hated big gaps, I found it worked better for me to have them at the same schools, having similar interests etc.

Everyone is different.

I was one and done.
But I have a few friends that have closer together dc (under 2 years) and one has just under 11 months-they are the best of friends.

You could ask the question from both sides though, I have another friend who has a 16 year old a 9 year old and a newborn. Why the big age gaps? (obviously it's their choice)

Honestly... it was hormones. I was extremely broody by DD1s first birthday . DD2 was born 9 months later.

Zero regrets. Its worked for us.

My sister and ai are 14 months apart, my two DCs are 18 months apart, so are hers. My two older grandchildrenare 14 months apart but their younger sibling is 4 years younger than the first-born.

Mine was by accident. I was petrified of having 2 under 2. The first year was a car crash really and the second year was Covid.
But now I'm so pleased it happened. No way could I go back to the baby stage again after say 4 years.
Glad we got it out of the way in one 2 year stint.

Maternal age, fertility issues, shorter period changing nappies.

I had twins and I’m so thankful I don’t have to go through it all again but I’m blessed that my girls have each other

DD took ages to arrive (& fertility treatment) so we never really bothered with contraception after she was born. DS just happened & we ended up with a 20 month gap. It’s what I really wanted though - mainly because it mirrored my age gap with my sibling and I had found that really positive growing up.

Now my dc are both upper primary age I still think it’s the best age gap. They get on brilliantly, we got the really relentless baby / toddler bit out of the way and now they pretty much entertain each other. Plus the impact on my career was minimised as it was more like 1 period of interruption than 2 and they both have the levels of independence that enable me to focus more on my career whereas that would have taken much longer with a bigger gap.

I also think it was more positive for dc1 because she doesn’t remember a time without her brother - there was never any sibling rivalry or jealousy. One of my very good friends is dealing with a 9 year gap right now and her 10yo is honestly miserable even 18 months in. I’m sure they’ll get through it but I feel glad we never had that. It’s also easy to plan activities as they are at similar developmental ages / interests instead of needing to find something to interest the pre-teen and the toddler.

But, different strokes for different folks. It’s worked brilliantly for us and I feel very lucky. It wouldn’t for everyone.

Mine are 21 months apart. One school year difference.

Done and dusted! 💪🏼