To wonder why so many people choose to have such a short age gap between their children?

[Lightningfast]

I hear of so many people with two children two years apart and can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want

a. To be pregnant with a child of around only a year old
b. To have a newborn baby when the older one is still a toddler and therefore still needs support in so many really basic ways. Sure, they don’t need the same level of support as a new baby but still...

I’ve heard the ‘they will be close enough to be friends’ theory but in practice I have seen at least as many if not rather more siblings who are close in age but are not especially close emotionally and it feels a rather weak reason.
I see this happening so often, even with mothers who have really struggled with getting their first baby to feed, sleep etc. and yet seem hellbent on having another only a matter of months later. Just...why?

If this is you I’m not judging, just genuinely interested in what you are getting out of it.

I knew I wanted four children so had to get on with it! I look back now though and wonder why I did it to myself. However I was young and had the energy back then in my twenties, so I didn't think anything of it then and just got on with it. Doing it now I am older would be a lot harder, so I am glad I did. It also meant that my working/earning years were less affected, having them closer.

It's nice when your dc are in the same phases. Baby/toddler/preschool stage with nappies, pushchairs, parent & child groups. Then you go through the primary years, days out much easier as they can more or less do the same activities. Then secondary: Again, age appropriate activities can be together as same age groups more or less, GCSEs and all that goes with it.

Each phase you can really put your head into with all its ups and downs, then you move on to the next one and whilst you think back mostly fondly of the previous phase, at the same time it's nice to move on. When mine were at primary, I wouldn't have wanted to go back to the baby/toddler/preschool phase, and once my dc got to secondary, I wouldn't want to go back to the primary years. It's like you enjoy the chapter at the time, then happily move on.

But then I'm like that in life anyway, I don't like going back, only forwards. Some people love doing it over and over, though! But to me, larger age gaps always look like much harder work.

Yep, as with previous comments, we wanted the baby stage out of the way.

20 months between them and it's been great. Now late teenagers and they're good friends (and we have our independence back at a fairly young age).

I wanted a small gap as I have a sister with an 18month gap and DH has his closest brother with a 19month gap and we’re all very close. I also have siblings with bigger gaps that I get on well with but me and my sister were so close growing up, as were DH and his brother.

We also have a 3.5 year gap between DD & DS1 and they’re all really close but DS1 & DS2 (20 months apart) are pretty much inseparable. Same interests, choose to share a room even though they have their own, share absolutely everything.

It’s fantastic.

You could argue for or against any age gap.

I grew up with much older siblings, and personally would not want an age gap of longer than 4 years between children if I had more than one. I have very little in common with my siblings, we basically grew up separately. My oldest sibling also openly says that they resented having a siblings come along years down the line of them enjoying being an only child 🤣.

I do sometimes wonder what my parents were thinking, having their youngest child just over two decades after their oldest.

Of course it is hard to plan an age gap though, as many posters have demonstrated.

I had three under three. (Just over 2.5 years first to last). We took a pragmatic approach, developmentally they would be doing similar things at similar times as they got older. It was hard work and a lot to juggle but I wouldn't change it.

because I hate pregnancy and it hates me and I wanted a second child and wanted to get the pregnancy done before I chickened out. I'm glad I did my 2 are the best of friends at 4 and 6 which might change when they get sick of each other they are both at the same stage and interested in the same things. I think it must be much harder trying to balance 2 children in different stages.

I have always always wondered this! Anything less than about 3 years always looks so bloody difficult! These women probably had their shit together more than I did…

I had three in two years and three months! (and a fourth 3 years later)
I enjoyed the baby stage and was staying at home for their early years so it made sense to have my family very close together.

It meant that activities suited everyone, developmentally it was great (the younger two toilet trained like a dream, they just copied their sister) and while it was tiring, I genuinely loved the early years. Then we all moved onto the next stage together!

Plus when they were teens , apart from the odd squabble, they were a team; they looked after each other in school and as adults they are very close.

I was mid twenties when I had my first so nothing to do with my age; it just worked for us!

I got pregnant accidentally with my second. Or more accurately we struggled to stay/get pregnant with my first so assumed it would be the same second time around when actually it was one time that just happened to be the right time.

@Whatnextarghhhhhh but you DO get funded hours with 2 years apart. This was actually part of our thinking

DS1 is 2 years when DS2 is born.

DS1 is 3 when DS2 starts nursery. With 39 funded hours

A very judgy post OP considering your protest to judge

We love our 2 year age gap. Toddler LOVED baby when he arrived and is having the best time with him now he's crawling. And the toddler is still at that really cute stage of finding everything baby does hilarious

Nappies and sleepless nights all out the way now. I can't fathom only now thinking about having another baby and doing it all again. Instead, they're both now sleeping through. Bliss!

I can't imagine wanting to go back to the small child phase after you've left it. Get it all over and done with then you can move on. Holidays, family time and days out are easier with kids at similar stages. It's easier all round once you've passed the task orientated early years.

Loads of reasons.

I want to stay home with my children until they're in school, and if I have them closer together then that's fewer years out of work.

I don't have that much storage space sadly, and I am too tight to countenance getting rid of all our baby stuff and re-buying it again when needed. So that necessitates a close age gap.

It's easier to wrap my head round their development/life stages when they're closer together in age.

The biggest one is that we just wanted to have another 🤷‍♀️ Hormones are powerful, as nature intended them to be!

Age and enjoyed the newborn/toddler stage.I was 35 with my 1st but also I loved having her and wanted to try again as soon as I felt ready.I ended up with 2 girls 18 months apart and they have always liked similar things (both teens now and downstairs watching Wednesday together right now!)Play ,craft,trips out...it was easy as they both wanted to do it.The only downside was each stage was over so quickly and more time with my youngest before the 2nd came one would have been nice...but I was worried about being too old to have another.As it was I had miscarriages trying for a 3rd so I'm glad I didn't wait.

Mine are all close together. I don't think a small age gap automatically makes children close but a large age gap can mean they grow up with little in common at any one time.

Close together gets the worst aspects of the career hit over in one big chunk rather than a series of repeats over ten years. This shouldn't matter but it does.

When mine were young there were no free hours but childminders would nearly always offer a discount for more than one child from the same family and 3-4 years of a daily nanny could be cheaper and more convenient than a decade of nursery fees for wider gaps.

However there is no right and wrong - everyone's circumstances and needs are different.

Agreed. I had 3 under 4, all by the time I was 25. Not intentionally, but it worked out well as I didn't have any idea what I wanted to do with my life. By the time I'd got the youngest into preschool, I had figured it out and was able to plan and have a career/profession without interruption. I barely remember the early years, it was a blur of babies, but it has meant they all had similar needs at the same time and now I have 3 teenagers who get on incredibly well and who I really enjoy spending time with.

Because I wanted two close in age.

Because I wanted to do the baby and toddler stage in one go.

Because it makes it harder if you have a larger age gap for both children to be interested in the same activities.

We have a 15 month age gap! The second wasn't planned as such but it's all worked out for the best in hindsight.

I had a major operation when our youngest was 6 months old which means I won't be able to have any more.

It was kind of like having twins I suppose, I didn't really find it hard in the early days - you forget how easy newborns are. Now the are both toddlers it's a bit tougher mentally.

It's lovely to see the elder one teaching and encouraging the younger one, he cheers him when he does something well.

They are similar in what entertains them so not having to do multiple activities at once.

I think generally it's so they have a play mate close in age and to get the nappies/broken sleep stage out of the way quicker.

I had a 2y gap. I wanted to be at home for the early years and having 2 close together minimised the career hit involved. I also found it worked well as they enjoyed similar activities at similar times, so could take them both to eg the park, soft play, children’s theatre or whatever and know they would both enjoy it.

Their needs are similar throughout their lives at home, if there's a small gap. So you don't have to balance the needs and preferences of two kids at very different stages.

There was 21 months between my two. It meant that the difficult bits (for me) of parenting, like the broken nights, were over with in a short period of time. And as I didn't want to go back to full time work until both were at school, that period of not having much money coming in, was shorter.

I also hoped they'd be closer than me and my sibling (who had a 4.5 year difference), and that has been the case, despite them being very different in character. Obviously that can't be guaranteed though.

We’ve done that. The plan was to have a 2 year gap, but accidentally had a smaller one. We thought that since we’re changing nappies and not really sleeping anyway, we might as well do it with 2 at the same time and get it out of the way. Our daughters are extremely close, grew up like twins and their teachers/ school staff sometimes struggle to tell them apart. They share a bedroom, play together, hug, hold hands on the street, write notes to each other. We get complimented on their behaviour everywhere we go. My hands are free, they have a best friend to play with 24/7. It really worked out wonderfully!

I have three children, biggish gap between one and two then almost 2.5 years between the younger two. Been mostly positive, the two younger ones have been thick as thieves since the youngest was born. Interestingly, there's only 15 months between my older brother and sister and they were always very close as very young children too.

I'm actually quite baffled as to why anyone would find this a strange life choice in any way?

When you struggle for a long time conceiving your first, you assume it will take just as long to have the next. Turns out that wasn’t the case!

Career-wise, it was good to have my time out all together and PT working before they started school, then I could get back into it knowing I’m there for the long haul.

I do love the relationship between them because they’re close - they help each other with work (both have different strengths), attend activities together, have overlaps in their friends. No guarantee they’ll always be close but I hope they are

I would hate to have a larger age gap between my two. Two years has worked out perfectly so far (DD11 and DS9) I sometimes forget that they aren't the same age because they are the same height and DS is quite mature for his age. They play lovely together - most of the time 🤣