To wonder why so many people choose to have such a short age gap between their children?

[Lightningfast]

I hear of so many people with two children two years apart and can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want

a. To be pregnant with a child of around only a year old
b. To have a newborn baby when the older one is still a toddler and therefore still needs support in so many really basic ways. Sure, they don’t need the same level of support as a new baby but still...

I’ve heard the ‘they will be close enough to be friends’ theory but in practice I have seen at least as many if not rather more siblings who are close in age but are not especially close emotionally and it feels a rather weak reason.
I see this happening so often, even with mothers who have really struggled with getting their first baby to feed, sleep etc. and yet seem hellbent on having another only a matter of months later. Just...why?

If this is you I’m not judging, just genuinely interested in what you are getting out of it.

My eldest sibling was 7 years older and we were not really close during childhood or able to playtogether much due to beingat different stages. My next sibling was 2.5 years older and very close. This undoubtedly influenced my decision to have a similar gap for my kids.

Um, we live in the same house. We'd have to actively go out of our way to avoid doing things with each other on a day-to-day basis. We don't lock the baby in the shed while the rest of us eat breakfast/do the school run/go to the park/pop to the shops 😂

Yes and we are allowed to leave the house separately and have 1:1 time even if children are close in age. But they both enjoy the same activities, movies, shows etc as well. I'm sure your 14yo is super interested in soft play and baby ballet, but generally that is unusual.

They're 4, not 14. Never been to soft play, despite the fact everyone on this thread seems to be a bit obsessed with them.

Because I don’t think big age gaps work. From what I’ve seen, siblings with large age gaps aren’t close. There’s 21 months between me and my sibling, and I deliberately created that for DS and DD. They are very good friends, and are into a lot of the same things, toys, tv shows etc.
Days out are easy, rather than trying to find something a 9 year old and a 2 year old can both enjoy for example.
All our friends have around a 2 year age gap between their DC so we do a lot with those families and it’s great for the kids to play with peers of the same age.

I certainly didn’t want to “get the baby & toddler stage out of the way” I really enjoyed having two small children at home and having those special, slow days during the week when we went to the park, fed the ducks, played. It went very fast, they’re both at school now, but I look back on those days as an incredibly happy time. A real privilege.

I would imagine having a large age gap would be much harder work. Plus there would be a lot of one parent taking one child off to do an activity, and the other parent taking the other child somewhere else. So a lot of being separated, and not much time together.

I have a 2 year gap between 1 and 2 and 18 months between 2 and 3. They’re now 7, 5 and 3. I’m lucky that they get on most of the time, the bond they have (especially the youngest two) is just gorgeous. They’re just a little team, they have a lot of fun together, it makes me happy! I like that we can have a day out that they all like easily enough too as they like similar things. (Of course bigger gaps can have lovely bonds too I appreciate that!). Just what worked for us. Newborn/toddler stage is admittedly they hardest thing I’ve ever done though, but for us worth it now. I can’t imagine going back to nappies and sleepless nights now!

@Jazzy21 But the separate activities thing would happen if your similar age kids were into different things. What if you had one who was really into riding and one who was allergic to horses? Or one who was really into ballet and one who was really into rugby? You'd still have to take them to separate places. They could be twins and have totally different interests.

I had a few reasons, main one being complications and being older.. if i waited my risks would have kept increasing, my first almost didnt make it, i didnt want to go through that again with double the risks. So it was either one and done, or two close. Even trying for second it wasn't a given it would be successful.

Then 2, being older i felt i didnt have much career years left for a large time out, or to go back for a bit to leave again. I felt that one chunk out would financially be more doable long term.. also one set baby furniture, and share toys at same time, So in some ways works out more cost effective

There is 25mths between my eldest two. Wasn't really thought out or planned as I was young. It was a better gap then any of the other combinations I had between my four children and they still remain close friends as adults. I didn't use childcare as we worked opposite shifts so thst wasn't an issue for us.

18 months apart and the best thing I ever did. For the record: mine are best friends and do everything together. I don't think that is a weak reason!

I had a small gap because I wanted to bolt on maternity leave so spent a good chunk of my first born's life at home. There was no sibling jealously because my eldest was only 18 months so knew no different. They're into the same things at the same time e.g. paw patrol, lego, minecraft. I had all the baby stuff and nappies etc done in one blur then could get rid of the stuff. I love having two with a small age gap and I loved my time at home with them. All activities and day outs are tailored to their age group. Films, TV and books are all for that age group as are toys. I can't understand why people have a large age gap.

Career?
Cost of living?
So both a similar age?

I have two years between mine (admittedly not planned, and I was worried how I'd cope when dd1 was 18 months, and I found out I was pregnant) but it's worked out really well. The first year was hard, but I think a baby and a child of any age is hard. And since then, it's become really easy and lovely. Could do loads of toddler/preschool groups with both, and had a fabulous few years with them both at home before eldest started school (actually found this year the hardest as youngest missed her sister being home to entertain her!) And now they're both primary age, they are great friends, have similar interests, clubs, friendships groups, and most of dd1s friends have siblings the same age as dd2, I makes things easy with playdates, and helping eachother out with childcare, as all have kids of the same ages. They really are best of friends, and I'm lucky as I know that isn't always the case with close age siblings, but they rarely argue, and enjoy each others company, always play together. Family holidays and days out are nice as they can do the same activities, and keep eachother entertained. We always try and make time for them to do things individually, and quite often at the weekend, I will take one out and DH will take the other, so they get their own sibling free time. I wouldn't change it for the world to be honest, that first year was hard, but 100% worth it for the family dynamics we've now got.

My sister and I are super close with a 10 year gap. Closer than a few of my friends are to their siblings with 1-3 year gaps. I don't think she gaps are to blame for siblings not being close and more to do with personality and each family's lifestyle.

My sisters friends who are twins are also unbelievably close to their sister who is my age.

Each family is different and it's quite a broad statement to say age gaps don't work. In terms of ease again it's down to each family. My mum found it easier with a 10 year gap than she thinks she would have with a smaller one and her only regret is that the age gap was too long for her age wise to have a third kid. We done so much together as a family and had our own activities also the same as any siblings would

I know I wouldn't give the best of myself having two close together but that's just personally for me so I know I'm going to have at least a 4/5 year age gap to be the best parent I could be.

Each to their own

No, I'm definitely all for 1:1 time... But it's nice to have plenty of opportunities to do things together. Our DC are so close and I think it's partly to do with how many shared experiences they have.

Plus, I would find it a struggle when there's only one of you looking after them. DH and I split a lot of the school holidays in terms of childcare so one parent working and one parent taking A/L - over the long stretch of the summer holidays it's easy to find days out and things to do that work well for both.

Same here, just under two-year age gap.

Have to say the first 18 months or so were hard. But then it started to pay off when they started to play well together and could basically entertain themselves 😅 And yes, have lovely memories of the pre-school groups the three of us went to, particularly an amazing forest school one.

And then before you know it, they're both at school and you're done with the nappies and sleepless nights (mostly!) and you get a little bit of time back.

We've had 3 close in age they're now 6,5 and 3. Two fold reason for us...one was that we felt we were already tired so might as well get all the exhaustion in one go rather than wait 6-7 years get used to sleep etc and then start again with newborn (no thanks that's my worst nightmare) second reason was that due to family history I had a strong feeling I would go through early menopause and we definitely wanted a slightly larger family son we justvhad to get on with it...I'm glad we did because I was correct and have been perimenopausal for a while now. Our kids, especially our oldest two are incredibly close and love that they are often mistaken for twins (even though they fight like cat and dog too). There are so many reasons why people choose to do this just as there are many reasons people my choose not to. Everybody's different some will cope well others not so much. I fear that those who have a much older child can become too dependant on that older sibling for childcare support rather than letting them just be children (I have seen this a few times within my line of work, it does happen).