To wonder why so many people choose to have such a short age gap between their children?

[Lightningfast]

I hear of so many people with two children two years apart and can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want

a. To be pregnant with a child of around only a year old
b. To have a newborn baby when the older one is still a toddler and therefore still needs support in so many really basic ways. Sure, they don’t need the same level of support as a new baby but still...

I’ve heard the ‘they will be close enough to be friends’ theory but in practice I have seen at least as many if not rather more siblings who are close in age but are not especially close emotionally and it feels a rather weak reason.
I see this happening so often, even with mothers who have really struggled with getting their first baby to feed, sleep etc. and yet seem hellbent on having another only a matter of months later. Just...why?

If this is you I’m not judging, just genuinely interested in what you are getting out of it.

Mine are close together and (for me) it hasn't been as difficult as I had thought. Everyone told me how brave I was and how difficult it would be. But it's been completely fine.

You are already in the routine of nappies and bottles etc. They both have about the same schedule now so it's just great. They also have the same interests so it's really easy. They can share toys etc. We have done the newborn phase & no sleeping phase and I'm so glad I never have to do that again!

Being pregnant with a toddler was tiring towards the end but my family were so helpful in making sure my eldest was entertained & having great fun.

They now have a lovely friendship and it's so nice to see.

I think a lot of it is to do with what we grew up with. The majority of my friends when we were younger all had brothers or sisters with a 2 year age gap
I have a similar age gap between my 2 and found it to be fine. Much easier to find things that they both enjoyed doing on days out compared with having to entertain a 3 year old and 8 year old

There are 5 years between my children. I would have liked a closer gap, but it didn't happen. Mine get along OK.

Haven’t read the whole thread but think this post is pretty judgemental. Who cares what other people do?! There’s benefits and cons to all age gaps, there’s no ‘perfect’ age gap.

I have 18 months between mine - I could not stand the idea of waiting 5 years, the eldest starting school and life finally getting that bit easier and then doing it all over again! You lose so much sleep in those first 5 years, I’d rather lose a lot of sleep in 5 than 10 years! Like I like my exercise (HIIT training) higher intensity, shorter time rather than lower intensity, longer time.

To be honest, I don’t see many cons with my age gap, it’s been nowhere near as hard as I thought it would be and my two girls always have each other to play with - if anything this has given me more time and less guilt to do housework, because they are never lonely & always have each other. Soon we’ll be done with nappies and milk and night feeds & we won’t have to do it all again. It also suits my career life - I’m a student nurse atm and won’t have to take maternity whilst I’m working and can focus on my career when they start school.

Also just to add - yes pregnancy with a baby to look after is challenging. My DD1 was 9 months when I fell pregnant with DD2.

But you know what I find harder? Working when you’re pregnant! I was still on maternity leave and so I just stayed at home for pregnancy of DD2 - it was lush! Could just handle the sickness, heartburn, fatigue all from the comfort of my home whilst cuddling my eldest on the sofa (I’m lucky she’s very low maintenance, good sleeper, eats anything and prefers playing on her own than with me) Much preferred that than trying to work too. Helps when you have a supportive partner too that takes on half the night feeds.

I have a DD who is nearly 2 and am currently pregnant with my second… we weren’t sure we were going to have another.. this has been a bit of a surprise but we are over the
moon and I’m so happy with the age gap. I also have 13 year old step daughter and I find it tough trying to keep both girls entertained as they enjoy doing totally different things. I had and still have an amazing relationship with my sister who is 22 months younger than me so I hope for the same with my children. I’m also 36 so I felt
like I couldn’t have waited too much longer anyway.

Well the first two were a minute apart but that wasn't my fault and the third wasn't planned 🙂 I had a big age gap as a child and always envied friends who had siblings close in age.
It was chaotic but they are all good friends and it's easier to plan activities that they all like as they're the same stage.

There’s not even a year between mine.
Told repeatedly mw’s hv’s and gps “oh you’re bf’ing you’re covered you don’t need the pill” .. evidently that was wrong. Yes I should’ve insisted, yes I should’ve looked into it myself but I wouldn’t change it. Like others have said it’s tough in the beginning but I can’t imagine doing the school run with a newborn on an hours sleep being much easier.

I’ve got 5 children. Each with a 2 year gap. I don’t find it overwhelming. I don’t struggle with lack of sleep or anything. Only my last baby was actively “tried” for and the rest were a case of “not trying/not preventing”. I genuinely absolutely love having a big family and, while I found my last pregnancy harder going now that I’m 35, I don’t see any downsides to it at all. While OP might find having them close in age a “weak reason”, I don’t think I need a reason other than that all my children were wanted and the age gap doesn’t faze me.

Exactly this. Mine are very close- because I have a bigger family there is always someone for them to play with. It’s also allowed me more time with the older ones really, as maternity leave has meant I’ve been home more than I would have been otherwise.

So many reasons, for me it was because I didn’t get pregnant quickly the first time so thought why wait too long before trying again, assuming it was take same length of time. It didn’t. Sorry you post is so judgemental assuming people always choose. Other reasons are get baby and toddler phase out of way. Kids closer in age makes things easier (less time with kids at different schools etc)

Each to their own, a couple of my friends have waited until their dc1 was in school to have another and are having to do the school run on no sleep. I have a 3 year gap and at least if I was late getting dc1 to nursery one day or if he didn't go at all, it didn't matter as much.

I can see the advantages of a smaller gap, my ds2 started school in September and i admit I was losing patience with having a preschooler at home at that point, after having a baby/toddler/preschooler for 7+ years.

But sometimes it isn't planned, the 2 families I know who had 2 under 2 didn't plan it. Both said it was hard work in the beginning but it's great now they're older. Equally some people might have wanted a smaller gap than they ended up with, I would have had a smaller one if my second pregnancy hadn't ended in miscarriage.

I should have mentioned the pros of a 3 year gap I guess - maternity leave with my dc2 was the best year of my life, loads of time with both children, dc1 didn't need watching 100% of the time so I could change dc2's nappy without worrying too much, he was old enough to understand my attention was elsewhere, he was eligible for the funded hours,

Honestly I really don’t get some of these arguments. You don’t have to rebuy everything…it all just goes into storage or the lift and comes out again for the second child. Similarly there are people here claiming that it’s less damaging to their career to have a small age gap but then in the next breath people saying they took seven years off to be at home with their children before they started school…how is that less damaging than me taking 7 months off work in 2018/2019 when I had my son and having 7 months off now (in 2023) for my second child?

I think people with bickering children think all siblings are like that. They’re not. In my experience 2 kids of same gender close in age fight horrendously and intense sibling rivalry. Much less noticeable if siblings of different genders. Much less noticeable if bigger age gap. More noticeable if only 2 kids, 3 seems better if close together in age. But I think gender more of an issue for sibling rivalry than age gap. Seems to persist into adulthood.

I don't think you can predict at all. I have only two, both boys, 13 months apart and apart from toddler squabbles, they have always been close and protective of each other and would certainly still (in their early 20s) consider each other their best friend. They wanted to (and did) share a bedroom until teenage years. I have a friend who has 2 girls (now adults) with the same gap who hate each other and haven't spoken for many years and who didn't even invite each other to their respective weddings.

Another friend who has a 6 year age gap (older boy and younger girl) who adore each other and a colleague with exactly the same where they hate each other and where they are jealous of the air the other breathes.

I'm one of 7 with various age gaps, we all get on but some get on more closely with some siblings than others.

I have 2 girls 20 months apart and the are best friends, they’ve never so much as bickered. They’re 9 and 7 now. Im sure they’ll have their moments as they grow up but they’re each other’s biggest fans and advocates at the moment and wouldn’t hear a bad word said about each other!

I was mid 20s and loved having a 17 month age gap. We aimed for close together because DH is older than me and was already in his 40s.

Crazy, but happy, happy days. One of my favourite memories is being able to carry mine up the stairs together with one under each arm like battering rams 😆.

DD1 doesn't remember a time without her sister, they shared friends and generally we got stages over and done with once.

They are 12 & 13 now, so the trickiest stage is ahead, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I don't think I'd have given birth again if I'd thought about it too long!

I think there will be lots of people who are like that. I can think of a couple amongst the people I’ve known.
But vast majority have had much more friction than I’ve seen in mixed siblings.
And lots seem to persist into adulthood and affect self esteem.
I hope yours and many others stay lovely to eachother though.
I just know friends with close together siblings who’ve thought their kids fighting was “normal” until they see how their kids friends are with eachother - like when visiting for long periods or on holiday etc.
In real life very few people whose kids do get on would ever point out that your kids don’t.

It’s clearly not for you and that’s fine. But I’ve never had a problem with it.

I wouldn’t knock the friendship thing either. My middle two children are 23 months apart, and they’re joined at the hip. Out of my four children, they spend the most time playing together. My eldest is too old for them, and my youngest is too young for them.
Their closeness in age does play a big part in their bond.

Also my middle two are their own entity. I can do things with both of them at the same time without juggling a different age group. My eldest needs time made for him on his own and my youngest needs time made for her on her own.
Sure, my middle two need time on their own too, but you can easily get away with taking them both out for the day without making any compromises to accommodate a different age group.

I've got 3 DC. 12 months between DC1 & planned DC2. DC1 wasn't even walking before DC2 was born and I had a ELCS too. Needed a bit of extra help for the first few weeks but was fine after that.

We were of the mindset if you're changing 1 nappy, might as well do 2. It's been great having them so close - house & life was set up for having similar aged kids and now they're adults they are still really close (not the same sex).

DC3 was planned but 12 years after DC2 and its been much harder due to the age gap. Really wish we could have afforded DC3 when DC were 1 & 2 so we could have had 3 under 3 as I think it would have even easier for all of us.

I really recommend small gaps between DC, only thing that is hard is affording the child care but it's only for a few years and completely worth it in our case.

I completely agree with this. My easiest pregnancy was my one during lockdown as I was out off work on special leave from 26weeks. I’m a mental health nurse and being home with 3 kids under 5 and being pregnant was significantly easier than working while pregnant!

I had 3 in 3 years. Had easy pregnancies, good births and would have had more only DH didn't want more. I found it easy to juggle the baby as the older one or two still napped, still used to carrying bottles and nappies etc around. When we have days out now it is much easier for us than for my friends who have bigger gaps. My DC all want to see the same films, happy with soft play, etc. Friends with bigger gaps have to split up to do things or drag a grumpy older child round with them. I don't understand why people would choose a bigger gap unless for medical or financial reasons.

Completely agree @Pollyforever - I also think that it comes much easier to some of us than others, so small age gaps are easily managed.