To wonder why so many people choose to have such a short age gap between their children?

[Lightningfast]

I hear of so many people with two children two years apart and can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want

a. To be pregnant with a child of around only a year old
b. To have a newborn baby when the older one is still a toddler and therefore still needs support in so many really basic ways. Sure, they don’t need the same level of support as a new baby but still...

I’ve heard the ‘they will be close enough to be friends’ theory but in practice I have seen at least as many if not rather more siblings who are close in age but are not especially close emotionally and it feels a rather weak reason.
I see this happening so often, even with mothers who have really struggled with getting their first baby to feed, sleep etc. and yet seem hellbent on having another only a matter of months later. Just...why?

If this is you I’m not judging, just genuinely interested in what you are getting out of it.

@XanaduKira

whats a “proper family activity”?

On the other hand, I wonder why leave a big gap between children. Just when you start (sort of) getting your life back, BOOM … right back to sleepless nights, puke and nappies. No thanks. Get it out of the way. But, each to their own.

I had 4 children with gaps of 3 years, just under 2 years and 4.5 years and there were pros and cons to each. I would say the best for me as a mum was 3 years but those 2 weren't particularly close growing up, too big an age gap for them to be interested in the same things whereas the 2 who were less than 2 years apart played together all through growing up but yes, baby and a toddler was hard work, huge celebrations when i got them to nap both at the same time though! The hardest was the 4.5 gap as I had forgotten so much of the pain of nappies, feeds, sleepless nights and it came as quite a shock. So I dont think there's any perfect gap and of course it depends on the personalities of the children too.

Or only have one! Thats my thinking.

why put yourself through something you know you won’t enjoy?? It’s not compulsory to have more than one!

and it’s not like you’re putting yourself through something that only lasts a couple of weeks which you won’t enjoy - the baby stage is months and months! Years really! Life is too short to be wishing that amount of your life away surely?!

Money for me, managed to go back full time when dd was 10mo then only had to work a few months before next mat leave. I had annual leave to use to bring it down to pt hours.

I couldn't have afforded sibling if my second mat leave was based on a pt wage so I was lucky that I managed to get pregnant when we wanted. Dh thought I was mental but it's worked out great in the long run.

All sorts of reasons. In the case of my parents, they wanted to get the baby years out of the way reasonably quickly, and wanted us kids to be at similar life-stages going forwards.

Friends of my parents didn't get together until they were both 40. They had 2 kids one after the other, because they were aware their time was nearly up for successfully producing kids without help.

As for me, I ended up with twins, and no plans to have any more. DH is a twin, so it wasn't a massive surprise.

i have 4 kids with 2y between each. i couldn't have gone back to nappies after being nappy-free. it wasn't really that hard.
i imagine for a lot of people it's an age thing. if you have your first in your 30s you have to have them close together if you want more than 2.
but close gaps are also good for having things in common while they're small. my 1st kid is 6y older than my 4th so they have little in common. they get on well, but on holidays etc they just want to do different things.

One reason is so the siblings will be close, and that is easier if they’re closer in age. My sister is nine years older than me. She went off to college when I was nine, and before that she was busy in high school. And not much in common with such a big age gap. It’s just so different. Two years apart is perfect in that context. Of course I agree with you that it is very hard to have two or several young children at the same time, it feels like you’re not giving the older child the attention he or she needs, and other factors. But I do believe a shorter age gap helps foster closeness. Yes I’m sure there are many examples of the opposite. I have a good relationship with my sister, but it’s a different kind to that of closer in age siblings.

I have 2 years 9 months between my two. I was 30 which my first but separated from my abusive ex. I met my now husband and knew I wanted another child, I felt age wise I didn’t want to be much older so had my second at 33. My decision was down my age and relationship circumstances. Theyre now much older and the age difference is great, financially it worked well too.

I had 2, 2 years apart and there are loads of advantages . I took a few years out when they were small and went back to work when they were 3/5. I was able to stay at home and save on massive nursery costs at the same time as enjoying their early years. I was glad to get the nappy/ no sleep period over while I wasn’t trying to juggle work and kids. Now I can focus on my career without maternity leave interrupting.
They are both at the same school/nursery so only 1 place to do drop offs and pick ups - same wraparound and same holiday arrangements.
They are also at a simmilar stage for toys and activities. They like a lots of the same TV shows for example and we have been able to move on our baby stuff quickly as they grow out of it.
They are also friends (most of the time) DC1 will admit that DC2 is ‘quite interesting’ and they will play happily together. Being at roughly the same stage makes lots of things easier.
I have friends who have 3 DD 12 years apart and they where happy with that until they found themselves parenting teens for 15 years!

I had 4 really close together - they’re now 1, 2, 4 and 5 and I wouldn’t change a thing

for me, the idea of having them spaced out scares me - having an older child and getting my life back a bit, returning to work etc then starting from scratch again didn’t appeal to me.

the way we saw it, we’ll have been in the baby/toddler stage for 4 years but then it’s done and we don’t need to do it again. That sounds bad, I love that stage but you know what I mean!

Plus it is so lovely them being interested in the same/similar things, going through milestones at similar times etc

its chaotic but I love it!

Because no 1 took 6 years and fertility treatment to conceive and my periods hadn’t returned (breastfeeding) and we had sex once. Turns out we were no longer infertile.

Personal preference and, really, it's nobody else's business.
2 years 4 months between my first two. 1 year 10 months between second and third. 1 year 5 months between third and fourth.
I would say the 2 years 4 months gap was perfect for me. The 1 year 5 month gap was really hard (and unplanned, might I add). Four kids aged 5 and under was a challenge! Especially with no family support. But we manage and my kids are happy and loved.
I don't judge anyone on the age gaps of their children.

There is only 2 years and a few weeks between my children and I love it. It's hard when the second one comes along but you get on with it. Its great for my children now because they are playmates. They aren't so far apart in age that they have very different interests. I think they will stay close as they grow, and hope they will be there to support eachother as adults. It may not be for everyone to take on the challenge of having a second baby when your first is only just two, but I feel that it's worth it. It was especially great during the pandemic because they had eachother.

It’s bloody hard, however I’ve seen the implications first hand of having children with a big age gap and I didn’t want that for my kids. Also I can do days out that are fun for us all rather than only a couple. It also got the nappy stage over and done with quickly rather than getting one out of nappies then going back over it again. There’s definitely pros and cons to both ways!

I’ve two close (16 months gap) and then a 5 year gap between the youngest two. The older two were easier when I look back as you never get out of the feeding/nappies etc, they played lovely together growing up and yes, always had a friend. Maybe it was the difference in my age with my third but I was a lot more tired, maybe it was because I was no longer used to lack of sleep. Sometimes I feel like he is more like an only child because he doesn’t have someone to always play with or when we do days out for him. They all fight and bicker but they also all can get along, sometimes in twos which varies. Ideally I would have loved to have another close to my youngest too but financially and for our health we couldn’t.

Some people don’t have a choice.

For me many reasons.
*I was an older mum so didn't want to wait too long. Was an only child myself so definitely wanted more than one, so needed best stab at it I could give.
*I wanted to concatenate the hit on my career.
*I could afford it and overlapping childcare costs etc.
Wanted them close in age to be friends/peers which they absolutely are. Holidays/activities much easier to deal with as are pretty much interested in same things at same time and get on extremely well (realise that's luck as much as anything).
*Husband has large age gap between him and sister and they are not close because of it. He's always treated as a little boy by her, even though now in 40s!!

Mine are 13 months, 15 months and 11 months apart respectively. I knew I wants a relatively large family but had planned on waiting until I was early 30s to start trying. GlaxoSmithKline had other ideas and I got pregnant accidentally with dd1 at 22, I had ambitions to go back to university after some family issues meant I had to drop out when I was 18. I was, in fact, weeks away from starting a course when I found out I was pregnant putting it on hold. So we decided that we would have them close together so we could get all the baby stuff over and I could go to uni.
we had the oldest 3 one after the other, then decided to stop and I had a coil fitted at my 6 week check, however nature again decided that wasn’t going to happen and I got pregnant again. With twins. Who came 8 weeks early.
it was absolutely nuts for a while with 5 kids under 4 😂 but they are now 19, almost 18, 16 and 15 and they get on great. The youngest 3 are all in the same year at school and are inseparable.
And as fate would have it I was diagnosed with cervical cancer when the twins were 10 months and I had a hysterectomy so had I waited til my planned age chances are I wouldn’t have had any kids.

@TheOriginalEmu aww how lovely! Bet you had a busy and fun household but lots of help with the twins too with their older siblings on hand. Your story is lovely - and also quite spooky. Just shows everything happens for a reason…

My kids are 6.5 years apart and I love it. It wasn’t particularly planned this way - initially I wanted a smaller age gap but I’m glad for the fairly large gap now.
My daughter got my full attention when she needed it, and my son wasn’t born until she naturally became more independent. So I feel both my children have been able to have lots of my undivided attention.
My daughter really benefitted from my second maternity leave - I was able to do school drop offs, pick ups etc. - a toddler wouldn’t really understand the quality of this time. And also when I went back to work after my son, my daughter was old enough not to be upset by the change in routine.
My daughter absolutely adores her younger brother, and he loves her too. She’s old enough to understand his needs so I can leave them together for 10 minutes to grab a shower. It wouldn’t be easy to leave a baby and a toddler in this way.
Financiallyit worked out too as we had a lot of time to save up in between kids, to the point that we are now able to both work part time, which both children benefit from.
It has extended the time we have small children for - I love the baby stage and both my kids are great sleepers, if we had a small age gap after my daughter I would now be coming to an end of this stage where I get to enjoy it all over again (without having to have more than two kids!)
As my eldest starts to question santa, the elf and so on, she still gets to experience the magic through her little brother.
The kids probably won’t fight over toys/clothes etc because of their interests being so different.

we are able to do proper activities that everyone enjoys 🙄there is no age limit on family walks, trips to the zoo, beaches, museums etc.

I love it and for us, it’s the right thing even though it wasn’t specifically our plan.

There is exactly a year between my two gds. Born same day a year apart! Not really planned but my son & DIL coped brilliantly..

DH has a brother who is 16 months his senior and one who is 7 years younger. He is much closer to his youngest brother.

I just wanted to get the baby stage out of the way, I wasn't sleeping anyway so a few more hours of missed sleep didn't make a difference.

At my age, I was in my 30s and didn't want to wait for a big age gap. I also wanted them to be a similar age so we could do the same activities and that they would be friends. Thankfully, they had each other during lockdown and it made the biggest difference to my sanity!!!

I have 9 years between mine and can see the advantages and disadvantages of close or larger age gaps. One thing with a closer age gap is that there will be activities that work for both - films, soft play, trampolining, theme parks etc. plus they will be able to play together to sone extent even if they arent best friends.having said that I make sure ds still gets to do activities, they are just one on one with me and leave his little sister at home which is nice to have that focused time. My 2 are lovely together and have a great relationship so far but it’s very different t to a smaller gap relationship. Ds is like a third parent at times!