To wonder why so many people choose to have such a short age gap between their children?

[Lightningfast]

I hear of so many people with two children two years apart and can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want

a. To be pregnant with a child of around only a year old
b. To have a newborn baby when the older one is still a toddler and therefore still needs support in so many really basic ways. Sure, they don’t need the same level of support as a new baby but still...

I’ve heard the ‘they will be close enough to be friends’ theory but in practice I have seen at least as many if not rather more siblings who are close in age but are not especially close emotionally and it feels a rather weak reason.
I see this happening so often, even with mothers who have really struggled with getting their first baby to feed, sleep etc. and yet seem hellbent on having another only a matter of months later. Just...why?

If this is you I’m not judging, just genuinely interested in what you are getting out of it.

but I think you very much are judging! And who on earth has the time to be so concerned about the age gap complete strangers opt to have between children. This question his a weird, judgy one.

That's very true @Swanfeet

And they never even returned to thread! Just had a judge and left 🙄

Breastfeeding-natural gap-I had four babies in 6 years 👶👶👶👶!!!!!!!!!

Oh it's so much more beneficial than you think!

You don't have to take a newborn on the school run and can spend whole days not getting dressed
You can bath them both together
They share toys
They follow the same routine and eat similar foods/snacks
They will sit and watch Peppa pig
They get along with each others friends

If you had a 5 year age gap you're literally starting over. Just as your child is becoming independent/can enjoy days out/ travel easily/no changing bags/prams etc
.

It meant I only had to pay for an all singing all dancing nanny for 3.5 years instead of at least 5. Also I had the sort of "big job" MN reserves for men with SAHW so being able to cram my ML in to a not big stretch of time made a difference in that the arrangements for my first ML were still very fresh in peoples minds.

This is great news. It’s hard hard work and her life will be a blur for the first 2 years. But so so worth it. It’s completely manageable if she gets into a good routine early. I recommend Gina Ford contented baby routine for twins. It was the making of me. There’s tonnes of Gina haters I imagine but with a toddler already your friend is going to need some good routines in her life to keep her on top of it all!

I did survive and sure she will too. I have a good husband and my career is back on track. My kids are happy and you would never know how crazy it all was in the beginning. I’m a bit highly strung generally but it did force me to chill out and just go with it.
good luck to your friend

Thank you for that! It is amazing news of course, just a bit scary. They had to have fertility treatment to have their son, so when she fell pregnant a few months later it was an amazing surprise. And then at her 12 week scan they discovered twins! It’s all so surreal! 3 babies in 10 months sounds crazy scary, but also crazy great! She has an amazing husband, and me if there’s anything I can do for them, but I will def pass on your message about Gina Ford. Thank you! X

Similar happened to a friend. Not twins but ages to get pregnant (years) then pregnant again within the year without really trying. I think sometimes reproductive systems need a kick start.
I second Gina Ford, but remember that the babies haven’t read the book!

My sister in law decided to wait until my nephew was a bit more self sufficient (3/4) to have a second. When it came to it she just couldn’t face going back to having a baby again, she said she felt like she was just getting her life back so she ended up being one and done which was technically unplanned! I’m the same - I don’t want DC1 to be an only child but I know if I wait I’ll just think I can’t face going back to certain things (like weaning) whereas im kind of on a roll with it and in theory I’ll be done with all of that a couple of years earlier then if I waited. I do feel like I would like to ‘enjoy’ DC more on her own but you can’t have it all ways!

Condenses the financially crippling maternity/paying for nursery/forever missing work to care for sick little ones period. You still have all the baby stuff. Their needs WILL be easier to manage through the years as more similar. More able to play together safely if not nicely.

I don’t understand why you’d get your life back and then start all over again 🤷🏼‍♀️

You could very easily be talking about me! This is the exact same reason we were in the situation! Just 8 years of a difference !

and I suppose answers the OP’s question too!

This 👏🏼👏🏼

I voted not being unreasonable as it is a valid opinion.

I only have 22 months between my two kids. (DS is just past 2, DD is 5 months) and it is fucking hard 😂

DD wasn't planned but after experiencing multiple loss before my son I decided to not go back onto any contraception and use a tracking app instead to avoid pregnancy. Obviously that went well 🤣

I'm glad she is here and love her dearly but ideally would have liked a 3 year gap, as having both at home full time is exhausting.

Saying that my sister has a 7 year gap with her two sons but only a 16 month gap between her youngest son and daughter and she has said both gaps had equal levels of pros & cons.

I don't think there is an "ideal" gap.

I couldn't think of anything worse personally, I waited 10 years 😂

I assume there are many reasons - having two of similar age so they can grow up together, getting it all out of the way, if a SAHM keeping them close together avoids two large career gaps, accident etc.

Similar there are many reasons why people may have a longer age gap, sometimes it is a choice, other times it isn't.

I have 4 DC and the older 3 are 2 years apart from one another. There is a 4.5 year age gap between DC3 and DC4. It was far easier having the 2 year age gaps than the 4.5 year age gap. Not only do they all grow up together, using the baby items one after the other. They also enjoyed playing and hanging out together, learning together and helping one another. All 3 older DC are very close now they are all older teens. Poor DC4 is not quite in the loop with the older ones which saddens me slightly. I almost wish she had had the same age gap. Once they’re all adults things will likely even out.

There is less than 19 months between mine. We did that for a number of reasons. Getting all the baby stuff out the way, being able to enjoy maxim time with them when young, reducing how long I would need to be part time. Having them at similar stages so days out were easier.

It helped that my eldest was advanced so could walk well by the time dc2 came. I had a friend who had a similar gap as mr had it harder as her oldest still wasn't walking when her second came along.

14 mths between my two! DH was older plus I was planning to be a SAHM and it shortened the time I would need to be at home. They were good company for each other when very small, less so as they got older but get on well now as adults. Was very hard work in the early years though and wouldn't entirely recommend it!

I think nowadays a lot of women spend their 20s working towards establishing a career, reach early 30s and start to settle so then by the time they have their 1st baby they are already nearing mid 30s and biologically speaking time isn't on their side unfortunately.

(speaking as a 35 year old ftm with a 7 month old)

I think daily about how much I would love a sibling for my daughter but mentally I don't think I could cope with a 2nd certainly before she is 2 years old and also physically I worry. It's a really hard decision whether or not to try for another and when. Part of me thinks by the time she is 1.5 to start trying for another but then I also feel like I want to enjoy her properly and be able to support her 121 until she goes to school.

I also can't imagine having a big gap and getting to the point she is more independent and then having another and going back to the baby bit!

If I had had a child sooner, I would try eave a gap of 4 years but in my case if I do want a sibling I think I'd have to consider having one within the next 2 years max.

Saying this, maternal age is increasing and lots of women have babies now in their early 40s which is perfectly acceptable.

It obviously depends on what each woman can cope with - but it wouldn’t be for me.

DS is nearly 4, and if we have another it’ll be a big gap. I had a tough pregnancy, bad birth, PND, non sleeping baby, no family help nearby, breastfeeding “failure”. You name it. I had a breakdown in 2021 and ended up on antidepressants. DS was very active and alert from the get go and always needed loads of attention and stimulation. He still does! It’s taken me years to get over it.

I genuinely do not know how women do it. I understand the rationale of getting the early years over and done, and of having them close in age and able to play together - but it would’ve near killed me.

@VeronicaFranklin , I read that a 4 yr gap is one of the hardest. It rang a chord with me as my sibling and I have that age gap.
You will also go from having a child to having a child and a baby, obviously.

One of my neighbours had one child, very much an only child, and now they also have a baby. The transition must be quite hard for a 7 yr old.

I have waited a year to comment on this post. At the time of first reading it I had a (just turned)2 year old and a 10 month old and the past ten months had probably been the hardest of my life (No sleep etc). When I read your post my heart sunk. I think I cried. But a year on, please let me tell you it was the best thing we’ve ever done! They get to experience life with their best mate by their side, never lonely, rarely bored and they laugh all day long. To watch them now look for each other as soon as they wake up, have proper conversations and learning how to share and compromise and work together is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. So I think I can answer your question by saying it’s not easy (how can anyone suggest it would be) but it all becomes worth it and it is undoubtedly the best thing for the children. You do it for them… not you.

I was older and didn't have time to wait and then conceived really quickly with the second so have that age gap. Has worked out really well as they are amazing friends and also you are in the same/similar stage for everything so that makes things easier like we are done with nappies, they like the same kinds of activities, can manage similar stuff in terms of walks or cycles etc

The short age gap between my two wasn't planned. Ever considered that? If you want the full details I had a miscarriage before my first baby and it then took me a long time to conceive so I assumed it would be the same second time. We had sex once that month and didn't use protection. Bingo bango.

So they grow up together and you can largely do the same activities with them. And we are in different phases with them. It feels easier to cater to the needs of similar aged kids.

I never understood people who wait till one is in school then start again with a newborn. That seems stranger to me.