To wonder why so many people choose to have such a short age gap between their children?

[Lightningfast]

I hear of so many people with two children two years apart and can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want

a. To be pregnant with a child of around only a year old
b. To have a newborn baby when the older one is still a toddler and therefore still needs support in so many really basic ways. Sure, they don’t need the same level of support as a new baby but still...

I’ve heard the ‘they will be close enough to be friends’ theory but in practice I have seen at least as many if not rather more siblings who are close in age but are not especially close emotionally and it feels a rather weak reason.
I see this happening so often, even with mothers who have really struggled with getting their first baby to feed, sleep etc. and yet seem hellbent on having another only a matter of months later. Just...why?

If this is you I’m not judging, just genuinely interested in what you are getting out of it.

Ds1 and dd are just under 3 years apart

dd and ds2 are 17.5 months apart

ds2 was a surprise, i know what happens when you have sex without using contraception ….the surprise was how quick it happened!

they are 25, 22 and 20 and get on like a house on fire, long may it last

I had three under two because had I gone beyond the sleepless nights, the teething, the clingy, whiney stafe, I'd have not started again.
I had easy births and carefree pregnancys topped off with happy babies.
I just wanted the 'baby stage over with in a one.
I'm sorry you font understand that people have their own way of living their own lives rather than living the way you see fit.

-Because they play together

• Because they are at a similar stage so like similar things
• Because it saved money (SAHM)
• Because of my age.

I can see some advantages of large age gaps esp if you are paying nursery fees but, for me at least, the disadvantages seemed massive (and having watched my friend trying to juggle life with a 16 year old, an 11 year old and a toddler I'm pretty sure I'm not wrong).

Parents age, infertility, increased risks, prospective retirment age

Getting through the sleepless night and nappy stage quicker

Shortening the period of disruption to the Mums career

Age appropriateness of sharing rooms, activities, toys etc.

Grandparents age

Mother Nature took matters out of my hands - baby 1 was ivf and I was told I had low amh which would make conceiving hard. So I started trying as soon as my period came back when the ivf baby was 8 months old thinking it would take years or wouldn’t happen.

4 weeks later I was staring at a positive test. Baby 2 was born prem at 35 weeks- hence a 16 month age gap. You don’t always get to decide these things.

We have 3, with 21 months between DC1 and DC2 and 23 months between DC2 and DC3 (all planned). I was one of those annoying women who had really easy pregnancies with no symptoms. After each baby reached 12 months I felt completely ready for another. (I know I am lucky to have such short age gaps as the first 2 were IVF babies).

I have friends who have 5 years between babies (some planned, some not) which I would not want by choice. Those children are less likely to have common interests. I think it’s easier to have them near in age as they are more likely to enjoy the same things - our eldest is now 8 and they’re all still happy playing outdoors. They all get on well together most of the time, whether in 2s or as a 3.

Admittedly some parents find the baby / toddler stage difficult or have fussy babies or wilful toddlers. Mine were somewhere in between. Also I think some parents just need more time to themselves whereas others are more willing to sacrifice their own interests for a few years.

I had two children close together. I had my first when I was 26, and my second when I was 27. They are 14 months apart.

It's been absolutely wonderful and I would not do it any differently if I could do it again. My toddler had loads of attention as newborn babies sleep so much! And my newborn was such a good baby.

My boys are 17 and 18 now and life is wonderful.

I had 5 in 4.5 years (One set of twins). My reasons were because I had the first young and I wanted a career. So I wanted to get my children done before I got started as I didn’t want to interrupt it needing maternity leave. It was also easier for childcare purposes to have a few years where I was at home and then I didn’t have much in the way of childcare costs once I was qualified. When I was at uni I had more help with expenses than I would have working and also cheaper childcare with my colleges childcare service. So it made sense.
I wanted to be relatively young for the pregnancy aspect and sleepless nights, I know that people can and so manage that when they are older, but for me I preferred to be younger.
I was able to choose when I had my kids pretty much because I had no issues with ttc (I realise this makes me phenomenally lucky, and I know this isn’t something a lot
of people can do) because I could do that I chose to do it as close as I felt able to manage another pregnancy.

i had all my kids by the time I was 25 I was diagnosed with cervical cancer at 26 and had a total hysterectomy that year so for me it worked out well that I didn’t hang around.

it was hard at times with lots of littles but I don’t regret it. It worked for us. But everyone is different. Im 44 now and they’re all late teens early 20s and I love my tribe.

I met DH when I was 36, we got married when I was 37 and I had dc one when I was 38 and dc two at 40.
There is 2 years and 3 months between my children.

I had 3 in under 4 years.
My brother was 13 months younger than me and I wanted the same magical childhood I had for my own kids.
They've always-since they were tiny - been the very best of friends. It's incredible to see and I wouldn't change it for the world.
Also they have mosyly been into the same things etc toys/films/days out they want to do the same thing.

I have a larger age gap with my sibling and we didn’t really grow up together, have nothing in common. Didn’t want that for my own DC. Wanted them to at least have a good shot at having common interests and playing together (I know it’s not guaranteed).

Like PP I also knew that once past the broken nights etc I wouldn’t ever want to go back, so best to get it all done more quickly. There weren’t financial constraints luckily.

Mumsnet tends to favour small age gaps and look down on bigger ones.
Unfortunately not all of us are able to crack on and have kids close together - I had a difficult pregnancy, large baby, birth injuries, colicky baby who didn't sleep through for nearly two years and a whole load of other family shite going on that meant I just didn't feel up to it. If I have a another there will be ...gasp.... Four years between them, which in Mumsnet terms means I might as well not bother because they won't enjoy the same activities.

I look on people who have kids close together with a mixture of wonder and envy. I guess if you have an average size baby that sleeps reasonably well and you don't have, say, a bereavement or job loss or your DH having a mental breakdown in the first year then maybe it's easier to go ahead and have another kid.

Or maybe I'm just selfish and not as rich or as good a mum as everyone else on here appears to be.

Interestingly my non-british friends are much more relaxed about big age gaps and only children than my UK ones so maybe it is cultural

My 2 are 15 months apart. 2 reasons, mine and dh's age and my first pregnancy and new born baby stage was super easy. Good job I didn't have them the other way round d!

I don’t think having small age gaps makes you a better parent and I’m most definitely not rich (I grew up in care and though I earn a good wage now I’m a single parent to disabled kids, I don’t own a house, I drive a 15 year old car). Anyone who makes you feel lesser because you have a larger gap than some is an idiot. That has nothing to do with it.

I also had three in under four years.
It was simply because I wanted to get the baby stage all done and dusted at the same time.

I know 3 people who all had 15 months between their children, they are all the same sex siblings and get on really well and are very close. Two are adults now and I think it’s lovely they have each other, so close in age. I personally had much larger gaps, shortest 3.5yrs. I’d have had a year less if my ex had agreed earlier to go for another

@Olinguita an age gap of approx four years was incredibly common at the nursery we used - it was the norm! I think mainly because of waiting for the free funded hours to kick in!

The only people I came across with small age gaps were young (20s) with young grandparents (almost my age!) so they had a lot of help available.

It gets the baby/toddler years out of the way quicker which is entirely logical. If you only have 2 children and have them within 3 years of one another, the baby/toddler years will be done within 6 years. If you leave a large gap between kids, you then have to restart the sleepless nights after years without which is a pain.

There’s also the fact it’s harder to entertain children with a large age gap. If you have two children a similar age, they’ll generally be happy doing the same sort of activities. It gets tough when you have a tween and toddler.

I’m surprised so many folk are talking about wanting to get the baby stage out of the way! I’m loving every minute of that stage right now… and that along with my age is making me want to do it all again asap!

I recently watched one of Miles Jupp’s stand up performances on Amazon Prime in which he talks about having 4 children under 4. It was both funny and strangely heart rending.

@FUOBDM

Completely agree, mine are 2 years apart and adults now, won't deny there's times when it's harder (2 lots of university living costs!) but they get along so well and have lots of joint friends, especially through teen years

Well I didn't choose the 3 minute age gap and it was certainly a surprise but looking back it was the best thing ever and they are incredibly close now, in their early 20s.

I agree completely, is so lovely to enjoy your eldest in the baby and toddler stage and have second 3-4y later when the eldest is partially at nursery and then school for the baby & toddler stage for your second.
The first few years of my eldest’s life were absolute halcyon days and I’m so glad I could give all that energy and attention. Was a significant dip when pregnant and had a new born again but luckily at that age eldest didn’t “need me” so much, had finished breastfeeding, was into playing with other kids properly and enjoyed nursery, slept through the night etc.
You’re always divided between your kids but when one is naturally at the age that they need you less (like not breastfeeding, happy at nursery & not waking for feeds overnight etc) that’s really helpful. If mine were closer in age I’d be worried that neither were getting a good deal - like I’d be too stretched between two competing and more equal needs.
Is lovely when eldest can “help” and care more for the youngest, more difficult when they’re just not as capable purely due to their age.

@FrenchandSaunders we too have a 3 minute age gap!

I completely agree. The idea of getting pregnant again just as soon as I had recovered from the first and was sleeping well again was horrific.
I don’t understand wanting to get nappies/sleepless nights etc ‘out of the way’ either. I would have been very depressed if I’d had two years of sleep disturbance in short succession. Later on you end up with kids in similarly stressful life circumstances at the same time. Then they move out of home within a couple of short years of one another and you don’t have long to come to terms with it.
Our kids will be just over three years apart. My eldest is much less demanding now than one year ago. I can see how much better it will be for her development having the benefit of focused parental input in her early years rather than having to share us with an even needier baby.