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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

another childs birthday at school and ds being upset.

128 replies

meandboys · 05/02/2008 09:59

There was a girl in ds's class who brought in party bags, but only 20, and there is 28 children in the class. So when i picked up ds from school, he was crying his eyes out, and would not tell me what was wrong until we got home! It was because he didn't get a party bag so i said did all the other children get 1 and he said that most of them did.

So am i being unreasonable for being very at the childs parent for not bringing enough bags in for this childs birthday?

Should tell the teacher that i was annoyed about the fact that my son was upset for most the evening, because of the parent not supplying the class with enough bags?

I feel stupid for being annoyed over something so petty, but it upset me to see ds so upset over it!

And the thing that annoys me even more is when it was ds's birthday, i baked about 60 fairy cakes, and this child was one who kept asking me for more when there was some left over, and i gave them to her to take home!

So what would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 05/02/2008 10:00

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KerryMum · 05/02/2008 10:00

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themildmanneredjanitor · 05/02/2008 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConnorTraceptive · 05/02/2008 10:01

Stupid of the parent AND the teacher imo.

The teacher should have just said to the mum, sorry I can't give out 20 party bags when there are 28 children in the class.

Also would have added if you want to give out party bags then have a party you lazy mare!

LilRedWG · 05/02/2008 10:01

Agree with KM.

ConnorTraceptive · 05/02/2008 10:02

Not alot you can say to the mum but there is plenty you can say to the teacher and I really think you should so she doesn't do it again.

MaureenMLove · 05/02/2008 10:02

Iwould definately tell the teacher. That is really mean.

pukkapatch · 05/02/2008 10:03

i would tell ds that life is unfair like that and he has to deal with it.
i would have a word with the school as to what their policy on this is. they need to get their act together, becuase this is an unacceptable situation caused by the school allowing this to ahppen.
in dc's schook, they are allowed to take in sweets. things like big multipacks of lollys etc, so every child in the class gets one, and usually siblings get one too. however, they are only allowed to do this at their own birthday. never for any other reason. not even the birth of new sibling. party bags is imo, excessive. if she wanted to hand them out, the correct place is the actual party.

onebatmother · 05/02/2008 10:03

Astonished that the teacher allowed them to be brought in without checking that there were enough for everyone. Would have word.

ConnorTraceptive · 05/02/2008 10:05

How did the teacher know who to give them to? Was there a list or were the bags named.

Really can't believe the stupidity of the teacher tbh. Dense cow.

MaureenMLove · 05/02/2008 10:05

I don't suppose the teacher had time and frankly even cared how many bags there were. She does afterall go to work to teach, not act as party rep for a mother who couldn't be arsed to have a party!

dingdong05 · 05/02/2008 10:08

Poor boy!
to teacher and to mum
Teacher gets angry because s/he can see the impact on the other kids so should've known better, and cross with mum as she may have just been thoughtless. She probably only handed in 20 as that was how many bags she bought! (didn't want to buy the extra packet and have 2 left over probably!)

LadyVictorianSqualor · 05/02/2008 10:10

At DD's school they are given out at the end of the day if there is enough for each child, the birthday child stands at the door with whatever they are giving out as the children leave, if there were only twenty bags and twenty eight children I'd assume they wouldnt be given out.

I think one child took in a tray of home made cakes recently and the cut them up as there wasnt enough and ahd them in class.

bananaknickers · 05/02/2008 10:12

I would be pissed off at the too. Y.A.N.B.U.
I always send in well over the top with sweets - even one for the teacher. Not that is not fair. If the child had brought in 5 or even 10 party bags that were named then perhaps not so bad but, to leave just 8 children out is awful.

Perhaps the mother is just thick and didn't think to ask how many children are in the class.

Original poster
meandboys · 05/02/2008 10:31

i just didn't want to go to the school and start having a moan and be overeacting over this!

Thanks all, will just need to work out how to say something to the teacher now! I would rather it be calm, but i dont stay very calm at the moment as i have just given up smoking and my stress levels are very high!

Any advice/tips on what to say?

OP posts:
KerryMum · 05/02/2008 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JingleyJen · 05/02/2008 10:36

I would be tempted to say to the teacher that it isn't just about this occasion and it being your little boy.
another time it will be a different child who is distressed. it just isn't fair.
either the children in the class are celebrating the childs birthday or the celebration is private and away from the school.

Perhaps the school could put in its next newsletter that parents are guided to include all children in the class or to keep the celebration away from school.

Good luck

Definately worth mentioning it to school.

TsarChasm · 05/02/2008 10:37

That seems mean.

TheHonEnid · 05/02/2008 10:38

party bags at school!

what a load of rubbish

PotPourri · 05/02/2008 10:40

I agree. You should talk to the teacher and say that you aren't happy with kids being left out (it upset DS for one). Ask what their policy is on birthday gifts etc and if it might be worth pointing that out in teh newletter or somethign to parents who don't know or don't think...

Poor little tike.

Oliveoil · 05/02/2008 10:41

we are allowed to bring stuff in but they stress that there are 30 CHILDREN in the class so to bring 30 THINGS

they vainly inform you to bring rubbers or pencils etc if possible but everyone brings a sack of Haribo's/Milky Way

ConnorTraceptive · 05/02/2008 10:42

How about

"I just wanted to have a chat about the situtaion with the party bags yesterday. I know it's entirely up to parents who they give party bags to but If there isn't one for everyone in the class then it's really not appropriate for them to be given out at school is it?"

branflake81 · 05/02/2008 10:44

I wouldn't say anything personally. Yes it's unfair. but so is life.

cory · 05/02/2008 10:45

I agree that if it had been only a few children who got the bags, that would have been acceptable. Sometimes when a child hasn't been able to make dd's birthday, I've allowed her to bring them their bag in school. I only ever allow her to invite a few select friends to her parties, and so do most of her friends' parents. What hurt your ds no doubt was being singled out as one of a few who missed out. Not in IMO.

HuwEdwards · 05/02/2008 10:47

Party bags - the devil's work indeed.