To find my very comfortable life completely overwhelming?

[Kingcatnight]

For some reason over the past couple of years I seem to be finding my perfectly normal, "nice", not-remotely-difficult life to be completely and utterly overwhelming.

I have zero motivation and appetite for anything that doesn't provide instant gratification and fun when I wake up in the morning and I'm really struggling to tick anything off my list or fully apply myself to my job. There just always seems to be something else that gets in way that makes day-to-day-living feel like an endless slog of chores and misery.

Shopping needs doing
Things need throwing out of fridge
Garden needs weeding
Have to pay window cleaner
Got a parking ticket that I need to appeal
Forgot to buy salt for water softener
Or have plenty of salt for water softener but can't seem to find motivation to top it up...
Car needs servicing
Need to order new bank card
Garage needs clearing out
Must remember to book plumber to fix outside tap
Need to buy paint so we can repaint spare room (and then bloody paint it too)
XYZ form needs filling in but the printer's out of ink so need to sort that first
Dogs need walking/taking to vet
Forget dad's birthday

etc etc

The list is endless and new things seem to get added to it every day. It's just incessant.

In amongst all of this I am supposedly meant to find time to perform the job I'm actually paid to do to a high standard, pay my bills and feed myself. Basic functions performed, I then need to find time to exercise, respond to texts from friends/family and try to be a half-decent daughter/sister/niece etc.

I won't even start on the vague dreams I have about one day perhaps having the emotional capacity and headspace to learn french or play the violin.

I literally feel like just living and ticking off these tedious day-to-day tasks is a full-time job in itself. I don't understand how I'm supposed to fit anything else in around it. I really struggle to carry on with the rest of life while my to-do list grows increasingly longer and so my work suffers, because I have the luxury of WFH and I can't seem to motivate myself to focus on work when so many other things need doing. At the end of each day I go to bed feeling as though I've barely achieved anything and have underperformed in every area of my life.

On the rare evenings where I do find myself sitting down I'm so drained and low about it all that I end up mindlessly watching trash TV or youtube and then go to bed even more annoyed at myself for having achieved nothing of value.

I don't understand why I find this all so hard? Other people don't make it look this hard...am I just too sensitive and an incompetent under-achiever? Am I depressed? Surely there's more to life than this?

Could it be wintering ?

I wonder if it’s some post covid lethargy. I’m the same. I can’t be arsed. My va va voom has vanished.

You've described normal life. There's always a list of things to do. Throw kids into the mix and 🤯🤯🤯 I look back on life before having a child and laugh at myself for thinking I was ever busy.

Make time for the things you love. If you want to learn French or an instrument then do it.

Your life seems very busy and full to me.

Walking dog: I don't have pets
Parking ticket/car maintenance: I don't have a car
Shopping/clearing fridge: I have a simple meal plan, shop at the same times every week, don't have much food waste due to planning.
Decorating/window cleaning/weeding/clear out garage: bare minimum of this sort of thing unless its absolutely necessary or feel like it. The street facing windows are a bit grimy; I don't notice. Our garden is low maintenance and half weeds - I don't mind weeds, some are pretty.
And to cover some of the the things you mention outside your list, I also have only the basics of social media, don't do text messaging, and have a job with a walkable commute so I get a lot of my exercise without even trying. Oh, and I don't have children either.

I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong or that you should live a life like mine (I love it, but it's not for everyone). Just don't feel bad if other people seem to be coping better than you with their chores and life admin - I'm sure lots of people have less of it than you do. I would find your to-do list draining and not at all 'comfortable'.

OP I am the same. I have a comfortable life but all the daily chores/admin are so mundane and really get me down. I was fine few years ago. I went on sertraline for anxiety and depression but didn't do much. Turns out in my case it's peri menopause. Not been on hrt long but already noticing I'm more back to my old self.

God I relate to this.
I get so overwhelmed sometimes that I just switch off.
I've been diagnosed with ADHD.

That is a right bunch of toss.

@Pixieb34
I’m with you totally!
I’m not depressed, I don’t have ADHD, I’m not bored, or lonely.
I genuinely think modern life is mostly shit.

Absolutely 100% same here Pixie

She says she's felt like this for 2 years

I’m the same OP. My mental to do list is so depressing and then doubley so when I realise I haven’t managed one of them in a week of leave from work. We need to stop beating ourselves up about it.

Yep. This.

What's your life purpose? Are you needed by others? Children, volunteering etc? I personally couldn't live for the sole purpose of just looking after myself, I need to feel needed in order to thrive.

Covid had lot to do how people are feeling it feels like normal its not people took a battering with it i feel part off my l life got lost nothing bad but missed even with the lock down over everyone still puting life together i feel i have slowed down dont feel motivated i was always active even my house work slowed down

@TerraNostra
I am inclined to agree with you.

For most of us most of the time, of course not. But if you are suffering from depression then even the smallest demand or task can be overwhelming. I speak from experience, unfortunately. It is very easy to spot those on this thread who have not suffered from a mental health disorder. They are the ones who, in not so many words, to pull herself together which, if it were as easy as all that, she would have done.

@Babysitter12, I have reported your post. It is nasty, judgmental and totally unhelpful to someone who has reached out for help.

I must admit I also thought either ADHD or depression like other posters.

Fwiw I have both.

When I get to the stage where my life feels like the OP describes, alarm bells go off that I'm not managing my long term mental health conditions very well.

There is a better life. I'm on antidepressants and now HRT (50 yo).

I'm regularly late, forgetful and disorganised but I manage it much more proactively and less defensively than I used to. I allow myself extra time and space to do stuff. I accept that reality involves trying to take some satisfaction from boring mundane stuff. It works.

I was made redundant in September 2020 and as close to 60 decided not to look for work.

I manage to stay well on top of the house, laundry etc but have no enthusiasm for anything else.

I walk the dog, clean the house, cook etc but have no interest in anything else. If I'm invited anywhere, with friends I like and to places I like my first thought is how can I get out of this. When I go anywhere I can't wait to get home.

I'm happy and don't believe I'm depressed but know I'm not quite as I should be.

Welcome to the real world

Whilst it’s horrible you feel like this, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one. It seems to be getting worse as the days, weeks, months go by. I always have in my head xyz will be fine in a certain time. Well that time comes and I fine f all so end up feeling worse and a failure. Working full time and being a single parent is tiring enough as it is but my to do list should be simple enough to get things done but like you I end up watching shite tv and achieve nothing. You’re not alone!

I know people get fed up with what seems like constant ADHD suggestions.

But there is a difference - admittedly, I can't tell from the OP which side of the fence she is on, you could read it either way. The fact she says over the past 2 years makes me think the first one.

You can feel a bit burnt out and tired and jaded and bored by life at times and get bogged down in the little things and overthink, and it's basically fixable by writing a list (or screwing up the list) or adding some music to your cleaning routine or shaking something up or having a really good night out with a friend, or any one of the very good and helpful suggestions many people have offered. Or there might be something underlying that is just making everything a bit flat. A stressful work environment, an unsupportive relationship, a relentlessly negative news cycle, a pandemic, hormonal changes since having a baby, lack of sleep, poor nutrition etc etc.

But, you can also genuinely feel like you're constantly drowning in all this stuff, almost to the point of genuine panic about how you're going to keep on managing forever. Wondering why completing (or even sometimes thinking about completing) one or two of the things on the OP's list seems to drain all of your energy while other people seem to manage it almost effortlessly or not think about it at all. Having this kind of feeling about everything and it somehow never getting any better the more you do it. Reading responses that would work for most people and feeling a total failure because they never work for you. That kind of feeling is more on the level of ADHD.

I could have written this 6 yrs ago. I didn't realise it at the time because nobody was talking about it. I found out I was in Perimenopause. I can basically write off my forties. I thought I was losing my mind in the end. Turns out all I needed was HRT. Slowly getting back my joy.

Have your hormones checked. You could be peri Menopausal.

Then I kindly suggest that you open your mind and read around the subject of depression and anti-depressants.