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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend has pulled out of holiday the day before we are due to fly out

464 replies

OkIy · 11/01/2023 14:50

Hi,

I have had a ski holiday booked with my friend for the last six weeks. She is a bit flaky but I’ve never been in this position with her. I thought she was being unusually vague about the details and my suspicions have been confirmed today.

She has just texted me saying she doesn’t think she can’t come as she has pulled a muscle during yoga earlier this week and it’s too painful. I was with her last night and there didn’t seem anything wrong with her. I think she is either making this up or is really exaggerating (she can be a bit of a hypochondriac sometimes).

I thought she had been dropping hints she might not be able to come but I triple checked before the cut off for no refunds came. She told me to go ahead.

I have paid for everything and it’s nonrefundable (we have done this multiple times in the past with no issues so I wasn’t being overly naive). I haven’t discussed this aspect with her yet as I am too upset. We are meant to fly out tomorrow.

I am not sure what to do. My birthday is on Friday as well. It wasn’t originally envisioned as a birthday weekend just a cheapish off peak break :(

OP posts:
Original poster
OkIy · 11/01/2023 14:51

Meant to say “she doesn’t think she can come”

OP posts:
Candleabra · 11/01/2023 14:52

Can you go on your own? When you say you’ve paid everything, do you mean you’ve paid for your friend as well and need her to pay you back?

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 11/01/2023 14:52

I would let her know how upset, let down and angry I was, get my money back and cut all contact for a good while / until I had calmed down. For a pulled muscle?! Fuck that.

WednesdaysPlaits · 11/01/2023 14:52

Is she planning on paying her half?

Passportpondery · 11/01/2023 14:52

You need to be assertive and tell her she needs to pay her half.

Why have you paid it all?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 11/01/2023 14:53

Perhaps I’d message and say, “sorry you’re in pain. It’s too late to cancel the holiday, you’ll still have to pay your share. On that basis, why don’t you come anyway, even if you don’t ski? Take painkillers and see if you can book a massage over there? It might help”.

Winterpetal · 11/01/2023 14:53

Well ,I’d be amazed if you get that money back
she’s not your friend
can you take someone else

thisplaceisweird · 11/01/2023 14:53

Is it just the two of you going? Unless you're a super ski fan it's not really a holiday you can do on your own, like a city break or beach break.

That's really poor form. I'd be asking her immediately for the money back, the longer you wait the less likely you are to get it.

Dogscanteatonions · 11/01/2023 14:53

I think you need to call her to find out of there is any other reason she can't go or doesn't want to go? Even if she has a pulled muscle she could still go on the holiday and you could do some other things together and you go off skiing on your own sometimes.

If she's adamant about not going you need to make it clear that she has to pay her half and it's too late to get any refund

User787878787878 · 11/01/2023 14:53

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 11/01/2023 14:53

Perhaps I’d message and say, “sorry you’re in pain. It’s too late to cancel the holiday, you’ll still have to pay your share. On that basis, why don’t you come anyway, even if you don’t ski? Take painkillers and see if you can book a massage over there? It might help”.

This.

LittleOwl153 · 11/01/2023 14:54

I'd still go. As you can't get a refund then why not. Many folks do this kind of trip as a single.

As for your friend I'd say "sorry to hear that. Can you transfer me £X for your half as it is all paid for and no refunds at this stage. Thanks." Her response from this will be telling.

KettrickenSmiled · 11/01/2023 14:54

That is really upsetting OP. Your friend is clearly lying, as she was fine when you saw her last night.

However ... don't allow her the power to ruin your holiday.
Go on your own, have a blast, take yourself out for a swank meal on your birthday.

Before you fly, message her about how much she owes you, give her your transfer details & tell her you expect her to repay you before you return. The best you can hope for is that she doesn't also stiff you for the cost of the holiday, & you never book anything major with her again.

Happy Birthday for Friday Flowers

Original poster
OkIy · 11/01/2023 14:54

No, she hasn’t paid her half.

This is how we have always done holidays. One person plans and pays then sends the other person the total. It always seemed easier to have everything in one place and has not been an issue before in the 15 years or so we have been friends.

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 11/01/2023 14:55

Yea, go on your own. I go on loads of trips alone, you meet a lot more people that being "in a bubble of two".

And she needs to pay you her share of the trip.

On return I would be leaving her to it. She's no friend.

CoddledAsAMommet · 11/01/2023 14:55

Reply with, 'that's a shame. You owe me £x whether you come or not, as I'm sure you've already considered, and I will need you to pay me this by x date. Please let me know by x o'clock whether you're definitely coming or not so I can make a decision about whether I go alone.'

Flameshame · 11/01/2023 14:55

A friend did this to me - for a more valid reason and with more notice but still - she graciously paid her half still and I went abroad with another friend who got a free holiday. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Movinghouseatlast · 11/01/2023 14:55

Have you asked her for the money? You need to do that first. It sounds like she knows it's non refundable. When was she originally going to pay you?

Is it an option for her to go and not actually ski? For you to go alone?

Passportpondery · 11/01/2023 14:55

OkIy · 11/01/2023 14:54

No, she hasn’t paid her half.

This is how we have always done holidays. One person plans and pays then sends the other person the total. It always seemed easier to have everything in one place and has not been an issue before in the 15 years or so we have been friends.

Send her the total and say “I’m sorry but as it’s too late now to cancel you will still need to pay your half”.

Sunnydayz · 11/01/2023 14:56

I’d go on my own, or see if another friend can join you!

ImBlueDab · 11/01/2023 14:56

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 11/01/2023 14:53

Perhaps I’d message and say, “sorry you’re in pain. It’s too late to cancel the holiday, you’ll still have to pay your share. On that basis, why don’t you come anyway, even if you don’t ski? Take painkillers and see if you can book a massage over there? It might help”.

This is a good response but I can see why you'd be really annoyed at her. Skiing isn't the sort of holiday you can do alone, unless you're staying in one of those large chalets with lots of other people that you could tag along with. I'd not feel comfortable going alone and I've done plenty of holidays alone.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 11/01/2023 14:57

"So sorry to hear that, can you transfer me your money over please? It's non refundable so it still needs to be paid."

Then never book anything again with her, go have a fabulous time on your own x

Original poster
OkIy · 11/01/2023 14:57

It’s a bit last notice to invite anyone else but I am going to try.

I am going to call her in a bit.

It has just made me feel really down and upset.

OP posts:
Sunnydayz · 11/01/2023 14:57

Agree with other posters that she should pay for half.
Don’t book other stuff for her again.

AffIt · 11/01/2023 14:58

'Pulled a muscle at yoga' - did ye, aye?

Obviously, she still has to pay her share. I hope you're on the phone to her right now, OP.

BeardieWeirdie · 11/01/2023 14:58

Be absolutely adamant that her share needs to be paid in full, then never, ever pay a penny out for her flakey arse again.