Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has pulled out of holiday the day before we are due to fly out

464 replies

OkIy · 11/01/2023 14:50

Hi,

I have had a ski holiday booked with my friend for the last six weeks. She is a bit flaky but I’ve never been in this position with her. I thought she was being unusually vague about the details and my suspicions have been confirmed today.

She has just texted me saying she doesn’t think she can’t come as she has pulled a muscle during yoga earlier this week and it’s too painful. I was with her last night and there didn’t seem anything wrong with her. I think she is either making this up or is really exaggerating (she can be a bit of a hypochondriac sometimes).

I thought she had been dropping hints she might not be able to come but I triple checked before the cut off for no refunds came. She told me to go ahead.

I have paid for everything and it’s nonrefundable (we have done this multiple times in the past with no issues so I wasn’t being overly naive). I haven’t discussed this aspect with her yet as I am too upset. We are meant to fly out tomorrow.

I am not sure what to do. My birthday is on Friday as well. It wasn’t originally envisioned as a birthday weekend just a cheapish off peak break :(

OP posts:
Echobelly · 11/01/2023 15:45

I would go, even on your own, or it's a total waste.

DH took a solo skiing holiday at the start of last year as he'd really missed skiing (I can't do it as I have a hip issue) - he had a really nice time. Although he's a fairly experienced skiier who just loves doing it so was happy to just do it all day - a different matter if you're a rookie.

It sounds like your mate is making excuses and that's piss-poor behaviour on her part - she should pay up and I wouldn't bother with her after this, it's a massive imposition on you

FairyBatman · 11/01/2023 15:47

I'd text her back and say yea hat she'll have to pay her half whether she comes or not. If it's only a pulled muscle she's unlikely to be able to claim on her travel insurance so she might as well come along for the apres-ski and see how she feels...

Pearlygates · 11/01/2023 15:47
  1. She needs to pay you her half
  2. try and find someone else to go with (I know it's quite short notice but you never know - You can offer it for free or discounted)
  3. NEVER EVER EVER make plans with her again!
BitOutOfPractice · 11/01/2023 15:50

OkIy · 11/01/2023 14:57

It’s a bit last notice to invite anyone else but I am going to try.

I am going to call her in a bit.

It has just made me feel really down and upset.

I'm not surprised you're upset, I would be too. It is upsetting.

Hope you can get sorted.

Crunchymum · 11/01/2023 15:51

Unless it was a serious injury surely you'd suck it up and just go? Then you'd do as little or as much as you were able to whilst away (I know someone who goes skiing with the family and only does the après-ski)

You friend is bang out of order and I'd be demanding full payment, today.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 11/01/2023 15:51

OkIy · 11/01/2023 15:05

Thanks everyone for the support.

I do have travel insurance. Maybe this would be covered but I guess she would need to go and get a doctors note first. But, isn’t my insurance only for me? I believe she has insurance with her banking. I’ve no idea if we would be covered for this.

Not your problem. She agreed to come and made the commitment. She pays her share and claims it on her insurance if she has it and it meets medical requirement [not sure a pulled muscle would cut much ice with insurers but again. Not your problem].

Totally agree with pp who suggested a breezy, what a shame. This is the cost of your share, are you sure you don't want to come anyway and enjoy the apres ski?

thewayround · 11/01/2023 15:52

Day before and she hasn’t paid you? Does she usually not pay you until the last minute?

thewayround · 11/01/2023 15:54

You are obviously very very close friends

You have been doing this annually for 15 years

so surely your instinct would be that she telling the truth OR something is seriously amiss personally for her

Ihatepcos · 11/01/2023 15:54

She should have paid you the day the money left your bank.

butterfliedtwo · 11/01/2023 15:56

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 11/01/2023 14:53

Perhaps I’d message and say, “sorry you’re in pain. It’s too late to cancel the holiday, you’ll still have to pay your share. On that basis, why don’t you come anyway, even if you don’t ski? Take painkillers and see if you can book a massage over there? It might help”.

Do this.

AreOttersJustWetCats · 11/01/2023 15:57

thewayround · 11/01/2023 15:43

It doesn’t look like she’s going to go alone so I meant that the OP should be engaging with her friend to get to the bottom of what’s going on rather than navel gazing on mumsnet.

Show quote history

She doesn't need to get to the bottom of anything. She just needs to make clear to the friend that she can still go with a 'pulled muscle', and that if she chooses not to she will still be expected to pay her half. Then the ball is in her friend's court.

Ski resorts usually have swimming pools, spas etc, so the friend has no excuse. And for the OP, skiing is eminently doable as a solo trip.

Mañanarama · 11/01/2023 15:58

Tell her whether she comes or not you want her share putting in your bank account right now. I’d be fuming, but I’d still go (and take a few books with me) and enjoy the break.

Her response to this would be a dealbreaker for our friendship, though.

welshweasel · 11/01/2023 15:59

Ring her. There's clearly more to this than a pulled muscle. Ask for all the money asap.

If I'd pulled a muscle I'd still go on a ski holiday - chances are it will improve in a few days and I'd be able to ski, if not then I would enjoy the rest and relaxation of being in the mountains. There's usually options for massages, swimming etc, or just chill out and read books.

If she won't go then I would totally go on my own, you'll still have a brilliant time. If you're in a chalet then you'll meet others easily, and if not then join ski school and meet people that way. Don't let her ruin your holiday!

saraclara · 11/01/2023 15:59

“Are you sure you can’t come because this will be an expensive cancellation for you”

This. Always assume payment.

Teaandtoast3 · 11/01/2023 16:00

I honestly don’t think she will be able to claim on the insurance because she’s pulled a muscle.

saraclara · 11/01/2023 16:00

thewayround · 11/01/2023 15:43

It doesn’t look like she’s going to go alone so I meant that the OP should be engaging with her friend to get to the bottom of what’s going on rather than navel gazing on mumsnet.

Show quote history

She's female. Our strength is multitasking.

monitor1 · 11/01/2023 16:01

Dear friend, I'm so sorry to hear that - I hope things improve and you're able to come after all. Incidentally, your share is x and my bank details are y, you'll need to pay and claim it back from your insurance if you can't make it.

Lougle · 11/01/2023 16:02

That's harsh. Surely she knew a few days ago that she'd pulled a muscle?

thewayround · 11/01/2023 16:02

AreOttersJustWetCats · 11/01/2023 15:57

She doesn't need to get to the bottom of anything. She just needs to make clear to the friend that she can still go with a 'pulled muscle', and that if she chooses not to she will still be expected to pay her half. Then the ball is in her friend's court.

Ski resorts usually have swimming pools, spas etc, so the friend has no excuse. And for the OP, skiing is eminently doable as a solo trip.

Show quote history

This is a very close friends, and the 15th time they’ve done this.

Her friend backing out the day before seemingly for spurious reasons… you don’t think there may be more to it? Or is your approach always bull in china shop when it comes to relationships?

asblindasabat · 11/01/2023 16:03

OP I’d go by yourself and enjoy your birthday and I’d be asking her to pay you back her half given that you’ll not get the money back! Why should you be out of pocket just because of her flakiness?

Or, is it possible you could bring someone else with you in her place? (not sure what way that works in regards to flight tickets, hotel bookings etc and it’s probably too late to organise someone else going)

oh, and I’d not be bothering with her again.

UsherBobble · 11/01/2023 16:04

Can't she still go and enjoy all of the non ski activities? That's what I would do at such short notice.

asblindasabat · 11/01/2023 16:05

saraclara · 11/01/2023 15:59

“Are you sure you can’t come because this will be an expensive cancellation for you”

This. Always assume payment.

Yes, I love this. Don’t let her wriggle her way out of paying you back.

Glorianna · 11/01/2023 16:06

Get her to send you half asap.

Throwncrumbs · 11/01/2023 16:06

Go on your own if you can, I went on holiday on my own in 2019, loved it, did as I pleased without worrying about anyone else.

catfunk · 11/01/2023 16:06

Can you expand on the hints she was dropping about not coming op, what sort of hints ?

Does she have a new partner/ any reason why she wouldn't want to come after 15 years of holidays ?

Have you going skiing together previously ?

Have you had any arguments or issues lately ? Had she been distant ?