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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has pulled out of holiday the day before we are due to fly out

464 replies

OkIy · 11/01/2023 14:50

Hi,

I have had a ski holiday booked with my friend for the last six weeks. She is a bit flaky but I’ve never been in this position with her. I thought she was being unusually vague about the details and my suspicions have been confirmed today.

She has just texted me saying she doesn’t think she can’t come as she has pulled a muscle during yoga earlier this week and it’s too painful. I was with her last night and there didn’t seem anything wrong with her. I think she is either making this up or is really exaggerating (she can be a bit of a hypochondriac sometimes).

I thought she had been dropping hints she might not be able to come but I triple checked before the cut off for no refunds came. She told me to go ahead.

I have paid for everything and it’s nonrefundable (we have done this multiple times in the past with no issues so I wasn’t being overly naive). I haven’t discussed this aspect with her yet as I am too upset. We are meant to fly out tomorrow.

I am not sure what to do. My birthday is on Friday as well. It wasn’t originally envisioned as a birthday weekend just a cheapish off peak break :(

OP posts:
ReviewingTheSituation · 11/01/2023 16:07

I'm assuming it's not a package if you're going tomorrow, as they're all sat/sun for ski trips. So you must have booked all the elements independently? Flight may be easier to change if you booked it directly (not through a TO), if you can find someone to join you...

But not many people can drop everything for a week off at a day's notice.

Fleabigg · 11/01/2023 16:08

Even if she has a valid excuse and the pulled muscle is just a cover, she still has to pay her half. I hope you can still go and enjoy yourself, but I’m not surprised you’re really disappointed.

ilovebrie8 · 11/01/2023 16:08

That’s rubbish OP to tell you the day before! She doesn’t sound like a great friend and the reason sounds flaky given you just saw her. I’d say to her she has to pay up regardless as it’s too late to cancel. Sounds like an excuse to not go but your gut feeling will tell you if it’s bona fide or not. I’d not plan another trip either

MintyPrincess · 11/01/2023 16:08

A real friend with a genuine injury would be beside themselves at the thought of letting you down and losing out on a holiday.Shes lying and hoping you won't ask her for the money.

ilovebrie8 · 11/01/2023 16:11

MintyPrincess · 11/01/2023 16:08

A real friend with a genuine injury would be beside themselves at the thought of letting you down and losing out on a holiday.Shes lying and hoping you won't ask her for the money.

Spot on!!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 11/01/2023 16:12

Insurance normally covers cancellation if any of the parties on the booking can't go due to medical reasons. But she would need a doctors note saying they've advised not to go and this needs to be paid for. And you would have to claim it back on your insurance, I dont think she can claim it back on hers as she hasnt actually paid anything towards the holiday and they would likely query her paying for a holiday after the date of the 'injury'.

I'd seriously reconsider the friendship after this. You had a feeling she was going to do this so sounds like she was just looking for an excuse, instead of being up front and actually giving you some time to figure out an alternative. depending on who you've booked with sometimes it's a massive cost to amend the names on tickets as well.

Also 'pulled a muscle doing yoga' it's hardly strenuous, yes you can over stretch but its not the same as pulling a muscle and unlikely to be the same muscle group used in skiing.

I'd reply along the lines of oh what a shame you wont be able to ski, I assume you're still coming since its non refundable? And hopefully it will have healed enough by next week for you to join in. Either way I've paid your share so will need your money transferring please.

I wouldnt mention insurance until she confirms she isnt coming.

BunchHarman · 11/01/2023 16:12

Did you have another thread about her going quiet? That she encouraged you to book when you double checked is fucking awful. I’d demand her half and end the friendship. Whether you choose to go some, or fill the gap last minute (changing names will be tricky/expensive) is up to you. Could you claim on your travel insurance? I’d be tempted to try. She’s a total dick.

ReviewingTheSituation · 11/01/2023 16:13

I'm also intrigued by your 'cheapish off peak break', as a ski holiday is almost never 'cheapish'.
Even if the package was cheap (and I'm sure you can't be on a package because of the dates), lift pass and ski hire are never cheap.

Are you going on a city break which has access to ski areas (Innsbruck or Salzburg maybe)? Is a ski trip something you usually do together?
It all seems a bit odd to me.

saraclara · 11/01/2023 16:15

ReviewingTheSituation · 11/01/2023 16:13

I'm also intrigued by your 'cheapish off peak break', as a ski holiday is almost never 'cheapish'.
Even if the package was cheap (and I'm sure you can't be on a package because of the dates), lift pass and ski hire are never cheap.

Are you going on a city break which has access to ski areas (Innsbruck or Salzburg maybe)? Is a ski trip something you usually do together?
It all seems a bit odd to me.

Oh give over. What's with the detective work?

AreOttersJustWetCats · 11/01/2023 16:17

ReviewingTheSituation · 11/01/2023 16:13

I'm also intrigued by your 'cheapish off peak break', as a ski holiday is almost never 'cheapish'.
Even if the package was cheap (and I'm sure you can't be on a package because of the dates), lift pass and ski hire are never cheap.

Are you going on a city break which has access to ski areas (Innsbruck or Salzburg maybe)? Is a ski trip something you usually do together?
It all seems a bit odd to me.

Your definition of cheap may not be the same as the OPs.

And it certainly is possibly to do a ski trip comparatively cheaply.

BunchHarman · 11/01/2023 16:19

ReviewingTheSituation · 11/01/2023 16:13

I'm also intrigued by your 'cheapish off peak break', as a ski holiday is almost never 'cheapish'.
Even if the package was cheap (and I'm sure you can't be on a package because of the dates), lift pass and ski hire are never cheap.

Are you going on a city break which has access to ski areas (Innsbruck or Salzburg maybe)? Is a ski trip something you usually do together?
It all seems a bit odd to me.

Get a grip, Colombore.

StarlightLady · 11/01/2023 16:20

OP, I rally feel for you this is no way to treat anyone 🌻💝

I hope that you can find someone else to go along. Sadly, your travel insurance will not cover others.

If it any consolation, several years ago a friend went away on her own after he holiday companion ended up in hospital before they were du to go and she had the time of her life.

I hope that you get your money back and your holiday. Please let us know what happens. x

AreOttersJustWetCats · 11/01/2023 16:20

catfunk · 11/01/2023 16:06

Can you expand on the hints she was dropping about not coming op, what sort of hints ?

Does she have a new partner/ any reason why she wouldn't want to come after 15 years of holidays ?

Have you going skiing together previously ?

Have you had any arguments or issues lately ? Had she been distant ?

None of this matters in the slightest though.

She is cancelling at the last minute, therefore she (or her insurance) will need to pay her half. Or she comes along and does non-ski activities. There isn't a debate to be had about it.

EasterIsland · 11/01/2023 16:23

I hope you get some sort of answer from her @OkIy - be very firm about her paying her half. It may force a change of mind if she still has to pay for it - she could loll about and do aprés ski all day!

sweetgingercat · 11/01/2023 16:23

See if another friend can join you… late though, I know.

see if you can join a ski club at the resort… I once did a week in a club where we all skid together, had lunch together and it was really great fun.

insists she pays her share of the money before you go.

HarryArry · 11/01/2023 16:24

Text her and tell her to pay for her half and tell her you are going to go on your own. She may decide to join you and not ski.

caringcarer · 11/01/2023 16:24

Is it possible she does not have the money and so making up excuse about pulled muscle? If it could be, you could say she could pay half now and the big rest over a couple of months.

Folklore9074 · 11/01/2023 16:24

ChildminderMum · 11/01/2023 15:10

I'd say to her sorry you don't think you'll be up for skiing, but it's too late to cancel now and since she'll be paying anyway she might as well come and enjoy the break.

This

FarFlungFlamingo · 11/01/2023 16:24

I think that one person paying makes sense but then I would expect friend to pay me back her half straight away or at least by the day after. If you are going away tomorrow, when would she of paid you?

When would you normally pay people back in this situation? Totally get that one person booking and paying is easier and we often do things that way, but normally people would transfer money way in advance of the actual event/holiday.

Ifyoudreamofsanddunes · 11/01/2023 16:25

Take me!! I've just got back from a almost snowless ski holiday, at one point the run just turned into gravel.

In all seriousness though you should definitely still go. Take some books and download some podcasts. You may very well meet people when you're there. Are you staying in a hotel? Is it close to the slopes?

AreOttersJustWetCats · 11/01/2023 16:26

caringcarer · 11/01/2023 16:24

Is it possible she does not have the money and so making up excuse about pulled muscle? If it could be, you could say she could pay half now and the big rest over a couple of months.

If the OP does that she will never see all the money again.

The OP is not a credit facility for her friend. If her friend needs credit, she needs to obtain it elsewhere.

After all, the OP gave her the option of pulling out right up to the cancellation date. Her friend chose to go ahead.

HarryArry · 11/01/2023 16:27

'm assuming it's not a package if you're going tomorrow, as they're all sat/sun for ski trips. So you must have booked all the elements independently
Thats not true, plenty of companies offer there or four or more nights ski holidays starting any day of the week.

Moxysright · 11/01/2023 16:29

I would still go op. It’ll be a birthday to remember!

Snowpaw · 11/01/2023 16:30

What a let down. I would absolutely go alone. Take some great books. Treat yourself whilst you're there. Turn your phone off and enjoy some solo time. Strike up conversations with strangers and maybe you will make some wonderful memories.

And for me I would struggle to resume the friendship on my return.

ugifletzet · 11/01/2023 16:30

This reminds me of a similar incident I had with a friend. She and I used to live in the same country, and when I moved back to the UK we stayed in close touch. I invited her over here for a holiday. We planned it nearly a year in advance. A few weeks before she was due to arrive she started the hint-dropping you describe. I asked her outright for her plans and she insisted she was coming and she couldn't wait. It was only when I asked for specific details (flight number, arrival time, etc.) that she said maybe it would be better to put off the visit.

It turned out that she had spent all the money she'd saved for the holiday on another international trip to meet some random man she'd met on a dating app, and when that hadn't worked out, she was too embarrassed to tell me the truth. She apologised and started saying that I could fly out to see her instead. I told her bluntly that I couldn't, I was exhausted from numerous international work trips and I was staying put over the summer. I got sad face emojis and "But when will I see you?"

We're still in touch, but not regularly, and I don't make firm plans with her. Over New Year she had a trip to the UK and asked to meet for dinner, which I agreed to happily - we had a nice time. But any plans I make with her are low-effort ones that won't cost me anything if she bails out. I would do something similar here, OP. Make sure she pays you for her half of the trip, and in future don't plan anything significant with her.