Page 5 | Boarding school

Changedagain8766789 · 2023-01-11T03:48:11+00:00

I genuinely did not still think boarding school existed for little children anymore. Teenagers yes. But I looked up Prince Harry's old school after starting the book, and it takes boys from age 8. AIBU to think that unless there are extenuating circumstances, sending your 8 year old away to board, with them coming home every two weeks for the weekend, is cruel? With everything we know about attachment and young children now, I just can't fathom it.

00100001 · 11/01/2023 10:52

Januarysux · 11/01/2023 06:31

@themimi do you think the majority of eight year olds loves it? I think I'd have failed as a parent if my 8 year old preferred that to being at home.
There will be very, very few circumstances that justify this at such a young age. Careers shouldn't come before children either.

loads of people put their jobs before kids... you probalby do tbh.

Unless you're working part time, and are there for every school pickup, drop off, holiday etc?

NeonEyes · 11/01/2023 10:52

luckylavender · 11/01/2023 10:50

Not something I'd do but I can think of far worse things that people / parents do to children.,

Just because some people do other things, doesn’t mean boarding school is in any way good enough for children.

EndlessRain1 · 11/01/2023 10:53

littlefishexpat · 11/01/2023 10:52

Lots of judgement and unsupported opinions being spouted off as facts in this thread.

If you don’t understand boarding school, don’t send your children to one.

But don’t make sweeping generalisations about families that do. Don’t create a list of acceptable criteria that you think might mitigate the circumstances. How other people choose to educate their children really shouldn’t have such an impact on you and your own choices.

So anyone who disapproves, or wouldn't choose them for their kids, just "don't understand"? It hasn't occured to you that maybe they do understand and still wouldn't choose it?

Wexone · 11/01/2023 10:54

My inlaws have sent their kids to boarding school. We dropped one of them off to their dorm one time, it was a large room with 7 beds shoved in. I thought it was terrible no privacy for them even when they were sleeping. They were 14. I road crying on the way home and it wasnt even my child. I couldn't do it. Thinking of me at that age i would have hated it. The gas thing was that one of the top secondary schools in the county was only a 15 min bus ride from their home. Not only that they know no one in their local town. During the hols etc wouldnt go to the local discos or apply to the local sports as they said they knew no one. All their friends are scattered around the world. I couldn't do it

HRTQueen · 11/01/2023 10:55

No I am but there for every pick up because I have to earn money to have a roof over our head and food on the table not at all comparable to sending my child away so I can continue with my chosen career

I am there to provide a living a stable home day in day out

00100001 · 11/01/2023 10:55

Wexone · 11/01/2023 10:54

My inlaws have sent their kids to boarding school. We dropped one of them off to their dorm one time, it was a large room with 7 beds shoved in. I thought it was terrible no privacy for them even when they were sleeping. They were 14. I road crying on the way home and it wasnt even my child. I couldn't do it. Thinking of me at that age i would have hated it. The gas thing was that one of the top secondary schools in the county was only a 15 min bus ride from their home. Not only that they know no one in their local town. During the hols etc wouldnt go to the local discos or apply to the local sports as they said they knew no one. All their friends are scattered around the world. I couldn't do it

.. why were you in their bedroom anyway? I'm amazed you were even allowed in the Boarding House let alone their bedroom...

Also, just because you would have hated it, doesn't mean every person would... :/

AngelinaFibres · 11/01/2023 10:56

There was a thread on here around Christmas time from a house parent. It was a very interesting AMA thread. She had worked in many boarding schools. The thing that stuck in my mind was her saying that the level of mental health issues in the 'all boys' schools she worked in was enormous.

00100001 · 11/01/2023 10:57

HRTQueen · 11/01/2023 10:55

No I am but there for every pick up because I have to earn money to have a roof over our head and food on the table not at all comparable to sending my child away so I can continue with my chosen career

I am there to provide a living a stable home day in day out

Oh, so you do put your career before your children... because you decide that you want to earn enough money to live a certain lifestyle...

And just because a child is at Boarding School doesn't mean they don't have a loving and stable home...

EndlessRain1 · 11/01/2023 10:57

00100001 · 11/01/2023 10:57

Oh, so you do put your career before your children... because you decide that you want to earn enough money to live a certain lifestyle...

And just because a child is at Boarding School doesn't mean they don't have a loving and stable home...

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They just get to spend barely any time in it!

00100001 · 11/01/2023 10:58

AngelinaFibres · 11/01/2023 10:56

There was a thread on here around Christmas time from a house parent. It was a very interesting AMA thread. She had worked in many boarding schools. The thing that stuck in my mind was her saying that the level of mental health issues in the 'all boys' schools she worked in was enormous.

OK, so what is your point? I know a pastoral head of a "normal" school who have huge number so mental health issues...

luckylavender · 11/01/2023 10:59

@NeonEyes - in your opinion

NeonEyes · 11/01/2023 10:59

littlefishexpat · 11/01/2023 10:52

Lots of judgement and unsupported opinions being spouted off as facts in this thread.

If you don’t understand boarding school, don’t send your children to one.

But don’t make sweeping generalisations about families that do. Don’t create a list of acceptable criteria that you think might mitigate the circumstances. How other people choose to educate their children really shouldn’t have such an impact on you and your own choices.

Don’t try to pass it off as not understanding. I ‘understand’ it very well.

If this was something poor people did, it wouldn’t be accepted. Richer people do it and think they can justify it because they’re rich. The Royals do it, it must be great. Only now we have many studies on trauma and attachment, we realise the importance of children’s needs being listened to and the importance of primary carers and we can question the rich, the elite, even the Royals, it can no longer be justified.

Wexone · 11/01/2023 11:01

@00100001 i dunno why thats where she brought us in when we dropped her off. We were carrying her bags aswell. What was there to hide ?Both my husband and brother in law went and they hated it too . I said i would have hated it and that is my opinion which am allowed to say.
As people say these threads come up all time, the amount of people that hate it always out number people who liked it. Anyone i have met so far in real life that has been to boarding school hated it.

littlefishexpat · 11/01/2023 11:01

EndlessRain1 · 11/01/2023 10:53

So anyone who disapproves, or wouldn't choose them for their kids, just "don't understand"? It hasn't occured to you that maybe they do understand and still wouldn't choose it?

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I was responding to the incredulity expressed by previous posters. “I couldn’t imagine . . . “ or “I can’t fathom . . . “

It’s clear boarding school isn’t their choice but I don’t see why they feel the need to criticise families who do choose it. We’re a boarding school family (shocker, I know) and it works for us. Nobody in real life would ever accuse of us neglect or abandonment.

00100001 · 11/01/2023 11:02

EndlessRain1 · 11/01/2023 10:57

They just get to spend barely any time in it!

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Probably spend just as much time in it as a kid who's off to see NRP every other weekend. ..but what's your point?

Some kids are home alone until 6:30+ every day after school
some kids are at a CMs home until 6pm.
some are in nursery from 8-6pm....
Some kids go to breakfast club, School, afterschool club, get taken to an activity by a parent friend, and dropped off at 7pm and don't see Parents for more than 1hr a day

It isn't automatically a dreadful thing for a kid to be in Boarding :/

NeonEyes · 11/01/2023 11:02

luckylavender · 11/01/2023 10:59

@NeonEyes - in your opinion

And many other psychologists.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 11/01/2023 11:03

Not something I'd do but I can think of far worse things that people / parents do to children.,

Just because some people do other things, doesn’t mean boarding school is in any way good enough for children.

Quite. I think it's setting your bar very low indeed if you're accepting part-time re-homing of your children (for no great reason at all), purely on the basis that some other parents sexually or physically abuse their children.

ShakeYourFeathers · 11/01/2023 11:05

I went to a school as a day kid but there were 8 year old boarders there. Including several friends and they all thrived in that environment

Not sure if it's right for every child. But it's something I would consider when my dc are that age if it's appropriate.

RudolphTheGreat · 11/01/2023 11:06

I can't imagine ever doing it and as an ex military family I'd have done married unaccompanied before putting my kids in boarding school.

AngelinaFibres · 11/01/2023 11:06

00100001 · 11/01/2023 10:58

OK, so what is your point? I know a pastoral head of a "normal" school who have huge number so mental health issues...

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We've really touched a nerve haven't we.

dollymixtured · 11/01/2023 11:08

SavoirFlair · 11/01/2023 06:34

Careers shouldn't come before children either.

then there would be no one in the armed forces or diplomats

Also say goodbye to nurseries and wraparound care on that basis!

littlefishexpat · 11/01/2023 11:10

Don’t try to pass it off as not understanding. I ‘understand’ it very well.

Maybe. But you don’t know us and therefore can’t possible understand why it works for us. I’m not asking you to, just asking that people not criticise or make sweeping generalisations about something they aren’t even choosing to do.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 11/01/2023 11:11

I went to a school as a day kid but there were 8 year old boarders there. Including several friends and they all thrived in that environment.

Not sure if it's right for every child. But it's something I would consider when my dc are that age if it's appropriate.

Would you not hope that you, as your children's parents, could provide the best setting for them to thrive? I'm not talking about the specific teaching/education sessions, but after school is finished for the day/week and when they are then in their own personal time?

NeonEyes · 11/01/2023 11:13

littlefishexpat · 11/01/2023 11:10

Don’t try to pass it off as not understanding. I ‘understand’ it very well.

Maybe. But you don’t know us and therefore can’t possible understand why it works for us. I’m not asking you to, just asking that people not criticise or make sweeping generalisations about something they aren’t even choosing to do.

I judge any form of sub standard parenting, neglect of abuse. If you don’t like it, tough.

HRTQueen · 11/01/2023 11:21

00100001 · 11/01/2023 10:57

Oh, so you do put your career before your children... because you decide that you want to earn enough money to live a certain lifestyle...

And just because a child is at Boarding School doesn't mean they don't have a loving and stable home...

Show quote history

Not sure what lifestyle you are talking about parenting ds, running a home myself without help, shopping on a budget, socialising and the odd holiday on a budget is hardly what I would call a lifestyle it’s just life for majority of people. Having a career does not always mean earning a high wage

whats the point of having a loving stable home if a child is sent away