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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bring a fizzy drink to a meal?

776 replies

mapofthechicks · 10/01/2023 19:40

So, I visited my boyfriend's family for the first time on Sunday

His mum cooked for us all. Lovely meal. When I arrived, I came with a bottle of lemonade. I said this to his mum ''I've got this, can I pop it in the fridge? Please help yourselves''

When having dinner, I asked for a glass (there were only small wine glasses on the table).

His mum said 'but we're having wine?'

I said no thanks, I'll just have some of the lemonade please'

She seemed really Confused at me!

We had a nice meal and then my boyfriend mentioned to me today 'Mum was really confused about your lemonade! Maybe don't do that next time Wink'

AIBU to think it's fine? It wasn't just for me. Anyone could've helped themselves but it was so strange. It was as if I had placed 10g of coke on the table and told everyone to help themselves to a line

Very odd indeed surely?

OP posts:
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5
illiterato · 10/01/2023 20:18

Cuwins · 10/01/2023 20:16

So by that token if she took a bottle of wine she would be suggesting that the hosts wouldn't have decent wine then?

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No because you don’t take the wine with the assumption that you’ll drink it, you take it as a gift. Etiquette dictates that if the wine the guest brings is better than what you intended to serve, you serve theirs. Otherwise you keep theirs and serve yours.

LuckeyBuoy · 10/01/2023 20:18

Given that the OP offered to bring a "desert", they should have been grateful that she only came armed with a bottle of 7-Up.

Otherwise, OP, the correct thing to do is as PP have said: take a bottle of wine and a decent AF alternative (Bottle Green or whatever). People often do this when they come to my house. I interpret it as a signal that they don't want to drink for whatever reason, so make it readily available on the table.

Cuwins · 10/01/2023 20:18

@Feelallright drinks like coke/sprite are listed in the soft drinks part of the menu of every restaurant I have ever been too they don't have to be asked for specially! 😂
Yes often listed alongside juices and posher soft drinks.

thinkhorsesnotzebra · 10/01/2023 20:18

A lot of snobbery on here about some lemonade!

I think it is odd to have guests over and not provide a drink for them, why didn't his Mum ask him what you like before and have something in for you?

Or even better presumably your boyfriend knows you don't drink wine and that they would serve it so he should have told them.

Luana1 · 10/01/2023 20:18

I think it's a bit odd to bring a cheap fizzy drink to someone's house, especially your new boyfriend's family who you are presumably trying to make a good first impression on. A nice bottle of lemonade like from Belvoir or such would have been ok, but 7up is to me a kids drinks so I would think it a bit weird that an adult felt they needed to bring it to a meal.

bellac11 · 10/01/2023 20:18

floradora · 10/01/2023 20:16

But you wouldn't drink a sweet prosecco with food. Also prosecco is NOT nice.

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Some people do. Some prosecco is good

Have you any idea what happens in other parts of the world where they either dont drink for religious reasons, what do you think they have at restaurants or dinners

What about in the home of prosecco, do they think its nice?

There is some massive ignorance and snobbery on this thread.

MintChocCornetto · 10/01/2023 20:19

floradora · 10/01/2023 20:14

Once again it's one of those unwritten class things. Wine or water (tap, bottled, still or sparkling) with a meal; but not sugary drinks, which are supposedly for children. Anything else is OK for an aperitif but not with food. (Not my "rules" by the way, but that is what is expected and accepted in certain "milieux")

It just sounds weird and uptight doesn't it. A good host should make guests feel comfortable not judge them. And someone who's doesn't drink alcohol is a totally normal thing to accommodate.

Making a fuss about some 7up! My goodness.

Feelallright · 10/01/2023 20:19

floradora · 10/01/2023 20:16

But you wouldn't drink a sweet prosecco with food. Also prosecco is NOT nice.

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Yes, you wouldn’t drink that with food. I wouldn’t drink Sprite or Coke ever.

floradora · 10/01/2023 20:19

mapofthechicks · 10/01/2023 20:16

They live in Billericay ffs.

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😂No idea what is consider classy in Billericay, but they may consider themselves of the "non-lemonade" class!

Wibbly1008 · 10/01/2023 20:19

They are odd. It’s perfectly ok not to drink alcohol.

Cuwins · 10/01/2023 20:20

LuckeyBuoy · 10/01/2023 20:18

Given that the OP offered to bring a "desert", they should have been grateful that she only came armed with a bottle of 7-Up.

Otherwise, OP, the correct thing to do is as PP have said: take a bottle of wine and a decent AF alternative (Bottle Green or whatever). People often do this when they come to my house. I interpret it as a signal that they don't want to drink for whatever reason, so make it readily available on the table.

But why would she take a bottle of wine if she doesn't drink?!

bellac11 · 10/01/2023 20:20

mapofthechicks · 10/01/2023 20:16

They live in Billericay ffs.

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New money I bet!!!

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 10/01/2023 20:20

LuckeyBuoy · 10/01/2023 20:18

Given that the OP offered to bring a "desert", they should have been grateful that she only came armed with a bottle of 7-Up.

Otherwise, OP, the correct thing to do is as PP have said: take a bottle of wine and a decent AF alternative (Bottle Green or whatever). People often do this when they come to my house. I interpret it as a signal that they don't want to drink for whatever reason, so make it readily available on the table.

it's terribly non-U to mock someone's spelling mistake.

AdoraBell · 10/01/2023 20:20

YANBU OP just tell your boyfriend it’s not necessary to drink wine/alcohol because other people are drinking alcohol.

Next time you can either take a soft drink or simply say - no thank you- when offered wine. Or if they pour wine without asking then just leave it if you don’t want to drink it.

BrewersFaye · 10/01/2023 20:20

Cuwins · 10/01/2023 20:14

What I find odd is the people on this thread suggesting you should have taken a bottle of wine with you as a gift- why on earth would you do that if you don't drink? I don't drink, never have and would have absolutely no idea how to pick a bottle of wine even if it did occur to me to take one!
I don't think it's particularly odd to take 7up although I would also assume someone hosting a meal would offer a non-alcoholic drink so it probably wouldn't occur to me to take one. Why would you just assume that people wanted wine? Surely it should be 'what would you like to drink? We have wine, juice, water...'?

Neither DH or I drink but that doesn’t mean we can’t understand social etiquette

it’s a shame that has bypassed you

Sparklingbrook · 10/01/2023 20:21

I wouldn't take my own soft drink with me to a meal because I would assume the hosts could provide that. But then I'm not particular about my soft drinks TBF.

Knowing the hosts drink wine I would take them a bottle even if I wasn't going to have any.

Stressfordays · 10/01/2023 20:21

She sounds weird tbh. In my family we always ask what people drink before they come and make sure we have it in for them! Be that alcohol or soft drinks.

123woop · 10/01/2023 20:21

My friends who don't drink always bring their own drinks to a meal - in their words it gives me "one less thing to think about" when hosting, so they bring Becks blue or fizzy water or whatever it is they'd like to drink

orangegato · 10/01/2023 20:22

That family remind me of my exes family. Run, don’t walk. YADNBU.

Sparklingbrook · 10/01/2023 20:22

But why would she take a bottle of wine if she doesn't drink?!

As a gift to the hosts. Who do.

Welpthereitis · 10/01/2023 20:22

I have been told by friends not to bring wine as I don’t drink it or any alcohol I have absolutely no idea and on more than one occasion I have pick the most horrible tasting wine ever as my friend told me 🤣🤣🤷‍♀️so no I won’t be taking wine to anyone ever again they have absolutely no problem with me bringing the fizzy drinks

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 10/01/2023 20:22

Why is it okay to signal that you don't want to drink via the medium of Belvoir but not okay to signal using 7UP?

Feelallright · 10/01/2023 20:23

If I am eating with friends, I take them wine, even though I won’t drink it.

JudgeRudy · 10/01/2023 20:23

The older I get the more confused I realise people are. One of the biggest confusions is around being or doing something different. Different to me does not mean odd, embarrassing, weird or wrong.
I often take ginger cordial to friends houses, or Red Bush 'teabags' because its what I fancy and people don't often have it in.
Which part of this exactly perplexed your BFs mum, thst you wanted pop over wine, thst you put it in the fridge or that you offered it to others?

toocold54 · 10/01/2023 20:23

YANBU
It’s fine to drink a soft drink with a meal.

I rarely drink alcohol with a meal.
For me it’s too rich ( and too many calories) in one go and I’d probably end up feeling sick or having heart burn.

I think people who drink wine at meals and think everyone else should too are dicks who are trying to be something they’re not.

Was your partner there when you bought the lemonade?
If so did he say anything at the time?