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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bring a fizzy drink to a meal?

776 replies

mapofthechicks · 10/01/2023 19:40

So, I visited my boyfriend's family for the first time on Sunday

His mum cooked for us all. Lovely meal. When I arrived, I came with a bottle of lemonade. I said this to his mum ''I've got this, can I pop it in the fridge? Please help yourselves''

When having dinner, I asked for a glass (there were only small wine glasses on the table).

His mum said 'but we're having wine?'

I said no thanks, I'll just have some of the lemonade please'

She seemed really Confused at me!

We had a nice meal and then my boyfriend mentioned to me today 'Mum was really confused about your lemonade! Maybe don't do that next time Wink'

AIBU to think it's fine? It wasn't just for me. Anyone could've helped themselves but it was so strange. It was as if I had placed 10g of coke on the table and told everyone to help themselves to a line

Very odd indeed surely?

OP posts:
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5
FairyBatman · 10/01/2023 19:52

Definitely not U, if you want a specific drink there's nothing wrong with brining it and offering it to others which is what you did.

It's not like you insulted their wine and said I can't possibly drink that swill here have some of my Chateau Conneries Grin

DorothyCannoli · 10/01/2023 19:52

I think you are both BU, I think its weird of them to assume you would want wine and only offer that, but also weird of you to take a fizzy drink. I'd have just asked for water if I didn't want what the hosts were offering.

StillWeRise · 10/01/2023 19:52

was going to say YANBU till you mentioned it was 7 up 😆
but really, if you offered to bring dessert and brought chocolates to share I think you were fine and they were odd
did they try and press wine on you? ask you why you weren't drinking?

AnnieFarmer · 10/01/2023 19:53

The lemonade is fine. His mum subsequently mentioning it to her son and saying that she was ‘a bit ‘confused’ (as he phrased it)’ and ‘maybe don't do that again’ would bother me a whole lot more.

Penguinsaregreat · 10/01/2023 19:53

Yanbu.
Is your boyfriend saying you have to drink alcohol? How weird.
Are they a family of drunks?

HarryArry · 10/01/2023 19:54

I think it was a tiny bit odd, wine for the host would have been better and then accept whatever non alcoholic drink was offered or stick to water.

CellarDoreen · 10/01/2023 19:54

It's a bit unusual...but can't see the big deal. My mil and mum wouldn't have batted an eyelid and neither would I

bellac11 · 10/01/2023 19:54

She sounds weird.

In all honesty if I was bringing a soft drink to someone making dinner, and hosting a dinner I would make it a posh one rather than bog standard 2l of 7up but its not necessary really and she should have been gracious.

ThingsChristmasJumper · 10/01/2023 19:55

I have relatives who only provide wine or water with meals (and the water is only after years of prompting by those with children!). They peer down their noses at anyone who brings schloer etc as an alternative. Even drivers. It’s very weird.

Speedweed · 10/01/2023 19:55

Was it one of those huge cheap bottles which don't fit in the fridge? 😂

I think the issue is that you should have brought a gift for the host, plus your drink. Otherwise it looks like you've just brought something for you (did you take the remainder home with you as well?!). So a bottle of wine for them, and your lemonade. Also I think it's fine to say I don't drink or I don't like alcohol by way of explanation (but really your boyfriend should have said that to them, if he knows they normally would have a drink).

But now you know for next time!

MandyMotherOfBrian · 10/01/2023 19:55

catandcoffee · 10/01/2023 19:52

Why do people always assume everyone drinks alcohol,especially wine 😖
His Mum would think i was even weirder....I'd have brought along my own ready mixed drink of lemon.😂

I took a bottle of nice Chapel Down fizz for my friends dinner party on NYE. For myself I took a bottle of non alcoholic fizz, nice enough, but it was Wild Idol and it cost more than the fecking Chapel Down. I think I might take lemon squash next time too 😂

Idbemonica1 · 10/01/2023 19:56

What's to be confused about? You are not being unreasonable.
If it had been a bottle of ketchup then maybe? 🤣

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 10/01/2023 19:56

If I'd invited someone for dinner for the first time and they brought a bottle of lemonade with them I'd just assume they were teetotal and I'd pop the soft drink on the table when the meal was being served. Why else would they bring a soft drink?

Rosiestraws · 10/01/2023 19:57

DorothyCannoli · 10/01/2023 19:52

I think you are both BU, I think its weird of them to assume you would want wine and only offer that, but also weird of you to take a fizzy drink. I'd have just asked for water if I didn't want what the hosts were offering.

I agree with this. But I have to say I've never heard of someone bringing a bottle of lemonade to meet the partner's parents. I think it's a bit strange.
I also think it's also a bit strange to ask for some of what you've brought as usually, as others have said, if you bring something it's a gift for the host. Bringing something like lemonade and then asking for it implies that what they're offering isn't good enough (and you may have felt that to be the case but it's still a bit rude!) Weird they didn't offer anything non alcoholic too.

It's different if you're with friends or people you know well but there's a sort of formality to meeting people for the first time that makes it different here!

Headabovetheparakeet · 10/01/2023 19:58

The weirdest thing about this is that your boyfriend told you not to do it again.

Namechangenoidea · 10/01/2023 19:58

Sorry I would think it was odd. Just someone bringing a bottle of lemonade. To me its really random I dont know why

LubaLuca · 10/01/2023 19:58

Was this a 2l bottle of pop? It's perhaps a bit of a strange thing to turn up with to drink during a special lunch (most people wouldn't want fizzy drinks with dinner so not a great sharing drink), and maybe a bit inconvenient to store in the fridge if they had dessert etc in there.

Have a glass of water next time.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 10/01/2023 19:58

DorothyCannoli · 10/01/2023 19:52

I think you are both BU, I think its weird of them to assume you would want wine and only offer that, but also weird of you to take a fizzy drink. I'd have just asked for water if I didn't want what the hosts were offering.

Why should non-drinkers get stuck drinking plain water?

ChimChimeny · 10/01/2023 19:59

Anyone remember the Diet Coke thread????

Apparently OP if you bring a fancy soft drink/cordial preferably in a glass bottle it's fine but anything cheap in a plastic bottle is a huge faux pas 🤣

Re: taking something for the host, where do you draw the line? We eat at IL's every few weeks so should we take something each time?!

Original poster
mapofthechicks · 10/01/2023 19:59

Brefugee · 10/01/2023 19:49

We text to ask if we could bring a desert and what would they like, we were told not to! It was all sorted and to just arrive please

no that's a rookie mistake. Never turn up to dinner or to stay at someone's house without a gift for the host. Chocolates and/or flowers and/or wine. And then if you only drink, say, 7Up you bring that too.

But we did bring chocolates. It's his mum and family, I thought 'etiquette' would be quite low down a thing to consider

OP posts:
MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 10/01/2023 19:59

Headabovetheparakeet · 10/01/2023 19:58

The weirdest thing about this is that your boyfriend told you not to do it again.

yeah that stood out for me too.

parietal · 10/01/2023 19:59

YABU. Just as you eat the meal that the host provides, so you should be able to drink the drinks they offer. So wine or water in this case.

7pm is a weird choice of drink for a proper meal and probably made the host feel her food & drink weren't good enough.

Eastie77Returns · 10/01/2023 20:00

I’d think it was odd if someone brought 7up to a meal at my house but I wouldn’t be offended. Your boyfriends mum sounds rude but I think as you were meeting her for the first time you could have made a bit more of an effort, sorry. It would be different if she was a long standing friend but turning up as a guest to someone’s house for the first time with 7up is..well, different.

I don’t think you should have bought wine since you don’t drink but personally I would have bought along bottle of Sparkling Elderflower or something along those lines.

WoofWoofWoofMudToys · 10/01/2023 20:00

I would think it a little odd, like I don't have the '????' To provide drinks for non drinkers, but I'd see how the rest of the meal went OR JUST assume you don't like many things other than what you brought with you.

I also would not expect you (or anyone! But especially one of my kids girlfriends) to bring 'a hostess gift'

i lives overseas for many many years & it just wasn't a thing with my generation. Maybe the older generations (mostly Brit ex pats).

I might need to start taking stuff... as so many if you feel offended if people don't. I don't expect oeopke to bring stuff when they come here. I'm hosting because I WANT to see you, I don't need 'gifts'

Hollyhocksauce · 10/01/2023 20:00

I think there is a bit of social snobbery going on here. They saw their wine as superior to your 7UP and may have passed judgement on you based on this. They may have felt that it lacked a certain cultural refinement.

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