Page 29 | To bring a fizzy drink to a meal?

mapofthechicks · 2023-01-10T19:40:57+00:00

So, I visited my boyfriend's family for the first time on Sunday His mum cooked for us all. Lovely meal. When I arrived, I came with a bottle of lemonade. I said this to his mum ''I've got this, can I pop it in the fridge? Please help yourselves'' When having dinner, I asked for a glass (there were only small wine glasses on the table). His mum said 'but we're having wine?' I said no thanks, I'll just have some of the lemonade please' She seemed really [confused] at me! We had a nice meal and then my boyfriend mentioned to me today 'Mum was really confused about your lemonade! Maybe don't do that next time [wink]' AIBU to think it's fine? It wasn't just for me. Anyone could've helped themselves but it was ^so^ strange. It was as if I had placed 10g of coke on the table and told everyone to help themselves to a line Very odd indeed surely?

RampantIvy · 12/01/2023 22:58

I would like to assume most people have soft drinks in the house

We don't because we don't drink them. I have tonic water because I enjoy a gin and tonic, but we don't usually keep other soft drinks in the house.

That said, if I was expecting guests who prefered to drink lemonade/coke/7Up I would make sure I had some in.

Outfor150 · 12/01/2023 23:37

thing47 · 12/01/2023 22:56

Equally lacking in manners is the host for assuming everyone was going to drink wine and not providing any other options for the first visit of her son's new girlfriend… 'We're having wine, or if you want water there's a tap over there and glasses above the sink.' Not a house I would be rushing back to.

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Yes, of course. The host was out of order too and should have managed the situation better. The OP shouldn’t have put the host in that situation.

Murdoch1949 · 13/01/2023 06:27

I can totally understand you not wanting to drink alcohol at the meal, for me the issue is the 7-Up. If you wanted lemonade I would have chosen a glass bottle or 2, of a better quality soft drink. His mother was presumably going to some effort to make a nice meal, lay a nice table with a dinner service & glasses, where a 2 litre bottle of 7-Up would be incongruous.

RampantIvy · 13/01/2023 07:07

But why should the OP drink something she doesn't enjoy for the sake of appearance @Murdoch1949? Are you the boyfriend's mother?

I really don't get the snobbery and disdain about the OP taking her soft drink of choice (I don't drink the stuff BTW, I am just a lot more accepting of other people's drink preferences).

MilkyYay · 13/01/2023 07:31

*Why on earth would you offer non alcoholic wine or gin (which are mostly shit) to a non drinker and not a soft drink?

Because the people i know who don't drink, would not drink lemonade with a sit down roast dinner. They would drink water which of course I would offer, or we have a few pregnant friends who liked the non alcoholic wines.

To be clear, gin wouldn't be on offer with the meal either.

To be honest, as an adult i will drink whatever the host offers or water. I can't imagine wanting lemonade so much with a roast dinner that i had to take it with me, especially a drink like 7up which is mainly citric acid, artificial flavours and sweeteners. I haven't ever drunk that since i was about 14.

If at a more relaxed meal eg a summer outdoor barbecue or curry buffet i might have something like lemonade in but I'd buy a nicer version for adults, i.e. somethinh that had seen an actual lemon.

RampantIvy · 13/01/2023 07:39

Why does it matter so much what someone drinks with a meal?

How does it affect anyone else?

You would think from the hysteria on this thread that the OP had brought crack cocaine with her.

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2023 07:47

Hysteria and pearl clutching. 🙄
I don’t see any of it, just people giving an opinion.

I think the lemonade snobbery is funny though. 😂

Frabbits · 13/01/2023 09:14

Murdoch1949 · 13/01/2023 06:27

I can totally understand you not wanting to drink alcohol at the meal, for me the issue is the 7-Up. If you wanted lemonade I would have chosen a glass bottle or 2, of a better quality soft drink. His mother was presumably going to some effort to make a nice meal, lay a nice table with a dinner service & glasses, where a 2 litre bottle of 7-Up would be incongruous.

So you think people should take a drink they potentially don't like just because it's in a nicer bottle?

Because that's really what you are saying here? Maybe people should buy a naice bottle of fancy soft drink and decant?

maze77 · 13/01/2023 09:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

Needmorelego · 13/01/2023 09:25

@Murdoch1949 so would this have been acceptance? It's a glass bottle?
(Available from Amazon)

MasterBeth · 13/01/2023 09:46

What a classic Mumsnet thread this is, packed with people not listening to each other, faux outrage, snobbery, inverted snobbery, people citing the class system, people misunderstanding the class system, people misunderstanding the clas system of lemonade, people claiming to have never seen lemonade in their lives. It truly has it all.

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2023 09:52

MasterBeth · 13/01/2023 09:46

What a classic Mumsnet thread this is, packed with people not listening to each other, faux outrage, snobbery, inverted snobbery, people citing the class system, people misunderstanding the class system, people misunderstanding the clas system of lemonade, people claiming to have never seen lemonade in their lives. It truly has it all.

Not forgetting the OP last posted on Tuesday 😂

Needmorelego · 13/01/2023 10:07

@Sparklingbrook hopefully the OP is onto the limited edition Fanta Blue or a nice glass of Sainsbury's Basics Cola - which she drinks while glaring at her snobby boyfriend.

phoenixrosehere · 13/01/2023 10:20

Murdoch1949 · 13/01/2023 06:27

I can totally understand you not wanting to drink alcohol at the meal, for me the issue is the 7-Up. If you wanted lemonade I would have chosen a glass bottle or 2, of a better quality soft drink. His mother was presumably going to some effort to make a nice meal, lay a nice table with a dinner service & glasses, where a 2 litre bottle of 7-Up would be incongruous.

His mother was presumably going to some effort to make a nice meal, lay a nice table with a dinner service & glasses, where a 2 litre bottle of 7-Up would be incongruous.

And she can presumably be a decent host and pour the drink into a glass like the wine would be. She wouldn’t have had to place a 2-litre bottle on a table.

MistyLuna · 13/01/2023 11:29

Sparklingbrook · 11/01/2023 13:39

Ask yourself this: why is it ok to take alcoholic drinks (bottle of wine) when invited to other people’s for a meal, but not ok to take soft drinks?

I asked myself that. I take a bottle of wine as a gift to the hosts. I don't actually expect to see the wine I take at the meal at all, the hosts usually have that covered.
A 2L bottle of 7UP not really the same is it?

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I've had people turn up at dinner parties I've thrown with all kinds of drinks ranging from bottles of wine, beer, non-alcoholic beer, non-alcoholic beverages, squash or soda for their kids, etc. They've put it in the fridge and helped themselves to it. I never gave it a second thought. My role as hostess is to make them feel welcome, at ease, serve up delicious food -- create an atmosphere where people can come together, socialise and have a good time.

Honestly, I never looked at gift of bottles of wine or anything else as something exclusively for me I always served the wine they bought along with the wine I'd bought for the occasion, or gave them a choice. I had people turn up with all sorts of gifts chocolates, pudding, fruits, flowers, nice artisan bread, patisserie, and on one occasion, a bottle of truffle oil. Wherever possible, I shared these at the table so everyone can enjoy them.

Social norms and etiquette vary by culture, country, occasion and age-group. Times have moved on, and there are at least 5 times more people who don't drink in the UK today than there were in the 1990's. Etiquette and social conventions are fluid, and change over time -- and so they should be. If someone wants to bring a bottle of 7-UP, so be it. I doubt very much OP told her hosts that it was exclusively for her to drink. I'd cringe if she did, or if she took the opened bottle home, but apart from that, I really don't see the need for such inflexibility.

I also agree with posters who said that the son and mum are the ones who lack etiquette. In similar situations, my DH's family have asked in advance what I eat and drink to avoid putting me and themselves in a situation where I will not drink or eat what they serve.

MistyLuna · 13/01/2023 11:30

Sorry -- not sure why a section of the above text was crossed out. Ignore!

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2023 11:34

Social norms and etiquette vary by culture, country, occasion and age-group

Yep and in my circle the wine is a gift and we generally drink the host’s. I have only every taken wine or flowers. Wouldn’t take food unless specifically asked.

MistyLuna · 13/01/2023 11:41

HangoverSquare · 11/01/2023 13:54

It's a bit weird to not at least have a glass of wine when meeting a partner's family for the first time and cooking you a meal. You don't have to get drunk but a glass or two is the done thing, it's a bit weird/rude to refuse to drink it and bring your own fizzy drink instead.

ah come on.

the weird thing is expecting someone who doesn't drink to have a glass of wine because of some outmoded social convention.

I wholeheartedly agree with you @HangoverSquare

If people want to follow proper norms of etiquette, then they will not be imposing their will on their guests and making people feel uncomfortable. Wherever and whenever possible, they'll put their guests at least and create an environment for them to have a good time (rather than expecting their guests, or making them feel bad, about eating or drinking this and that. How terribly rude that would be.

RampantIvy · 13/01/2023 11:45

And in my circle any wine that people bring is drunk with the meal. It is our social norm among our friends.

We don't "carefully select each wine to go with each course". I am not a Michelin star restaurant, we don't have formal dinner parties or multiple course meals, and most of our friends prefer red wine except one who drinks gin and tonic.

DH is a wine enthusiast and so are our friends, and they don't bring rubbish wine.

MistyLuna · 13/01/2023 11:46

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2023 11:34

Social norms and etiquette vary by culture, country, occasion and age-group

Yep and in my circle the wine is a gift and we generally drink the host’s. I have only every taken wine or flowers. Wouldn’t take food unless specifically asked.

We I have friends from all over the globe and all walks of life. Yet I have a single general rule when dealing with all: be warm, welcoming and make them feel good. To me, and to millions like me, that's not only polite, but also ethical. And surely, ethical trumps social norms. Indeed, if you were to do your own research, you'd find that 90% of the rules or etiquette are based on what's ethical. So why make people feel bad because they're different? Unnecessary snobbery and inflexibility is neither ethical nor proper etiquette by my estimation. Come on people, times really have moved on. Kindly broaden your horizons a little.

RampantIvy · 13/01/2023 11:48

Your posts are excellent @MistyLuna. You share the same values as I do.

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2023 12:00

I have a single general rule when dealing with all: be warm, welcoming and make them feel good

As do I, If I was the host and someone brought a bottle of lemonade with them I would inwardly raise an eyebrow but not say anything, I would have lemonade in to offer anyway, it would already be in the fridge.

youshouldnthaveasked · 13/01/2023 12:08

Why does the fricking bottle need to be on the table?!?!?! Just get a glass will that you all feel less squeamish?

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2023 12:10

youshouldnthaveasked · 13/01/2023 12:08

Why does the fricking bottle need to be on the table?!?!?! Just get a glass will that you all feel less squeamish?

There's no need for the bottle to be on the table-it'll get warm. You would need a tumbler and maybe some ice.

youshouldnthaveasked · 13/01/2023 12:33

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2023 12:10

There's no need for the bottle to be on the table-it'll get warm. You would need a tumbler and maybe some ice.

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Yes this is what I would do. My question is for the snobs who may implode at the sight of a plastic bottle on the dinner table